My husband is an alcoholic.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Someplace, Somewhere
Posts: 9
My husband is an alcoholic. Hi, I'm new here. My husband is an alcoholic. This is all new to me as I have been in denial about it for many years. Time to face it and I hope to find support here. I'm scared of what the future holds for us and our family but something has to be done asap. Thanks and I look forward to reading the other posts. 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 959
Hello YaYa. My name is Janit and I too have been married to an alcoholic for 22 years. My final divorce hearing was a week ago today. Sad but true. Maybe you can tell us a little more about whats going on in your life at the moment and what brought you to us? There is alot of help here and we all care very much for each other and please read the stickies at the top okay. Again welcome. ((((HUGS))))
Janit
Janit
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Someplace, Somewhere
Posts: 9
Thanks to you both for the welcome. I have been with my husband 10 years now. He has always been a beer drinker. We love outdoor concerts and the like and I drink in social situations. He always drank more than me but the past few years it's gotten way worse. His mother died of cirrohsis of the liver about 20 years ago and his father was killed in a car accident about 7 years ago due to drinking while driving. We have a preschool aged child who is now witnessing Daddy stumbling, dealing with "the shakes" in the morning, etc. It's to the point that I can't trust my own husband to watch our child because he drinks while doing it. He drinks daily with it being worse on the weekend. A day doesn't go by that he isn't having at least 6+ beers. WAY more on the weekend. I got him to the doctor last year which was amazing in itself. The doc told him that his liver is showing signs of damage and that he needs to cut back or quit. Cut back? You can't tell an alcoholic that!!! I was so mad because my husband took that as a sign that he could just "cut back". Well, that lasted a very short time and now it's full steam ahead again. Most recently at a family gathering, they witnessed it again first hand and we've all decided it's time for action before he hurts himself or someone else. I am so mad at this disease that I cry, scream inside about it. A trusted family friend who is also an alcoholic that has been sober for many years had a talk with him on the last day of our family gathering. He was drunk again that night. I had such high hopes that the talk from him would help. The family is now looking at all of us coming to him about it. We just aren't sure how to do it without pushing him away from us.
I have been with my husband 10 years now. He has always been a beer drinker. We love outdoor concerts and the like and I drink in social situations. He always drank more than me but the past few years it's gotten way worse. His mother died of cirrohsis of the liver about 20 years ago and his father was killed in a car accident about 7 years ago due to drinking while driving. We have a preschool aged child who is now witnessing Daddy stumbling, dealing with "the shakes" in the morning, etc. It's to the point that I can't trust my own husband to watch our child because he drinks while doing it. He drinks daily with it being worse on the weekend. A day doesn't go by that he isn't having at least 6+ beers. WAY more on the weekend. I got him to the doctor last year which was amazing in itself. The doc told him that his liver is showing signs of damage and that he needs to cut back or quit. Cut back? You can't tell an alcoholic that!!! I was so mad because my husband took that as a sign that he could just "cut back". Well, that lasted a very short time and now it's full steam ahead again. Most recently at a family gathering, they witnessed it again first hand and we've all decided it's time for action before he hurts himself or someone else. I am so mad at this disease that I cry, scream inside about it. A trusted family friend who is also an alcoholic that has been sober for many years had a talk with him on the last day of our family gathering. He was drunk again that night. I had such high hopes that the talk from him would help. The family is now looking at all of us coming to him about it. We just aren't sure how to do it without pushing him away from us. Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Hi yaya and welcome to SR
I believe there are others here who have done a family intervention; perhaps they will be along to share. I do know it needs to be done with a competent professional. It can work.
I am in the process of divorce after an 18 year relationship. AH at 10 years together sounds very similar to your experience. Eight years later you can imagine it got much worse. Our doctor also started many years ago telling AH that he needed to cut back or quit. It got to the point he told him he needed to quit. It didn't make a difference. The medical profession can only go so far - an addict must want to quit on their own. An intervention could raise their personal bottom in wanting outside help.
In the meantime, have you been getting help for you? Al-Anon and therapy have worked wonders for me.
Good luck and please keep posting.
I believe there are others here who have done a family intervention; perhaps they will be along to share. I do know it needs to be done with a competent professional. It can work.
I am in the process of divorce after an 18 year relationship. AH at 10 years together sounds very similar to your experience. Eight years later you can imagine it got much worse. Our doctor also started many years ago telling AH that he needed to cut back or quit. It got to the point he told him he needed to quit. It didn't make a difference. The medical profession can only go so far - an addict must want to quit on their own. An intervention could raise their personal bottom in wanting outside help.
In the meantime, have you been getting help for you? Al-Anon and therapy have worked wonders for me.
Good luck and please keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
(((yaya))) Hi! Glad you found us! It is a good place to start to get your bearings.
Your story sounds very similar to mine. The alcoholic in my life (that got me here) is my former husband. A few months ago, he decided to divorce me (we were married nearly 28 years/2 children aged 18y and 24y) rather than give up the alcohol and get treatment/sobriety. It is a progressive disease, as you probably know, and justs keeps getting worse......does not plateau out and stay where I can "live with it" or spontaneously get better, like I thought/hoped it would for many years. (That was my denial and ignorance about alcoholism.)
Many wonderful people are here who share their experience, strength , and hope.....I am sure you will find it a wonderful relief to find you are in such good company.
Posting helps. Alanon is recommended as "our treatment". Lots of reading helped me understand what was happening with AH, me and our family as a whole. Two bookks that really helped me are "Under the Influence" by Milam and Ketcham and "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews (see http://www.GettingThemSober.com to read some of ther chapters online free!).
I hope you will stick around with us!
p.s. There are a LOT of us Buckeyes on this forum!
Your story sounds very similar to mine. The alcoholic in my life (that got me here) is my former husband. A few months ago, he decided to divorce me (we were married nearly 28 years/2 children aged 18y and 24y) rather than give up the alcohol and get treatment/sobriety. It is a progressive disease, as you probably know, and justs keeps getting worse......does not plateau out and stay where I can "live with it" or spontaneously get better, like I thought/hoped it would for many years. (That was my denial and ignorance about alcoholism.)
Many wonderful people are here who share their experience, strength , and hope.....I am sure you will find it a wonderful relief to find you are in such good company.
Posting helps. Alanon is recommended as "our treatment". Lots of reading helped me understand what was happening with AH, me and our family as a whole. Two bookks that really helped me are "Under the Influence" by Milam and Ketcham and "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews (see http://www.GettingThemSober.com to read some of ther chapters online free!).
I hope you will stick around with us!
p.s. There are a LOT of us Buckeyes on this forum!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
hi yaya - what the others said above is good info. read the stickeys, the suggested books and look into al-anon. posting here helps us to get some of our feelings out in a place where others "understand". there are lots of wise folks here!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
http://www.Lovefirst.net is a great site for information on interventions. These people are super!
My husband did not choose to get help from our intervention (yet?) but it helped the kids and I very much.
My husband did not choose to get help from our intervention (yet?) but it helped the kids and I very much.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
I have no first hand knowledge about interventions, but truly feel that is the best way in which a family should approach the situation if you are wanting to confront him and talk to him about your feelings, etc.
But on another note, as cwohio suggested, I'd also suggest that you and your family attend Alanon meetings.
Read what you can and educate yourself on alcoholism, codependancy, etc.
But on another note, as cwohio suggested, I'd also suggest that you and your family attend Alanon meetings.
Read what you can and educate yourself on alcoholism, codependancy, etc.
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: still looking
Posts: 128
Originally Posted by Pick-a-name
(((yaya)))
Your story sounds very similar to mine. The alcoholic in my life (that got me here) is my former husband. A few months ago, he decided to divorce me (we were married nearly 28 years/2 children aged 18y and 24y) rather than give up the alcohol and get treatment/sobriety. It is a progressive disease, as you probably know, and justs keeps getting worse......does not plateau out and stay where I can "live with it" or spontaneously get better, like I thought/hoped it would for many years. (That was my denial and ignorance about alcoholism.)
p.s. There are a LOT of us Buckeyes on this forum!
Your story sounds very similar to mine. The alcoholic in my life (that got me here) is my former husband. A few months ago, he decided to divorce me (we were married nearly 28 years/2 children aged 18y and 24y) rather than give up the alcohol and get treatment/sobriety. It is a progressive disease, as you probably know, and justs keeps getting worse......does not plateau out and stay where I can "live with it" or spontaneously get better, like I thought/hoped it would for many years. (That was my denial and ignorance about alcoholism.)
p.s. There are a LOT of us Buckeyes on this forum!
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