reader

Hello, many of the old timers may remember my story but for those who don't I will do a quick recap. My husband of 16 years has been an alcoholic since being a teenager. He was sober for a short time and has sense been drinking a large beer 2-3 x a week. Last weekend our close friends had a bachelor party for one of B's best friends. He was not invited because he doesn't drink heavy anymore. I was also excluded from a get together the girls had which my best friend was part of the planning and cooking and so forth. Don't they get that he would have been perfect for a driver. I just really hurts!

mallowcup

It hurts. I have never been so lonely and excluded since I quit drinking. I don't get invited to anything. My husband drinks and people actually invite him to BBQ's and don't even think to include me because I don't drink. It peirces my heart. It has occurred to me that maybe it's time for some new friendships. It has also occurred to me that my husband really doesn't have many true friends, they just share the same vice. I'm sorry you got hurt, it won't be the last time. Sobriety has a whole different perspective.

Janitw

I have felt the same sting for the same reasons. It hurts when the invitations are for only the drinker in the family....and the sober ones are excluded and what gets me it seems like its deliberate. Sad but true.

reader

I feel as if I should wear a scarlet letter SOBER!!!! They should put a large sign on the door if your sober don't bother coming in. NO Shirt, No Shoes, No Sobers!!!

denny57

It does hurt at first, reader, but then I realized slowly over time I no longer wanted to be around people who always drank to excess. My friends who are social drinkers, and even some of the heavy drinkers, have no problem including me. The others are missing out on the great pleasure of my company.

DespHouswife

My A and I went to a party last month - her friends- and they actually laughed and made fun of us for drinking N/A beer. She ended up drinking that night. People can be such bastards.

reader

Yuppers!! We have been heckled too!! Egged on, talk about pressure on teens. Here we were middleaged folks being tempted with our favorite drinks. At least I woke up rarring to go on about my day than to be laying on the couch ill. Go fiqure!!!

mazey

How RUDE! Friends are friends....Why would they care if you drink or not? Are THEY uncomfortable? It is boring and totally unenjoyable when others over drink. My A said to me shortly before the blowup, 'you're no fun anymore' and I replied, that's because I am too busy "babysitting" you! Just meaning I would drive him home and act as a responsible adult. (Actually, I just don't enjoy getting drunk! so 'no fun'?, oh well!) Sorry for hurt feelings, and it is hurtful to be left out....

mtmama

What most of you are describing is exactly the opposite of what has happened to me. We don't get invited to alot of things because no one wants my AH around. He often has had quite a few drinks before we even get to whatever event...he isn't aggessive or hostile or combative...he is just boring and sloppy. He is usually the only one at the party who is drunk...everyone else seems to be able to drink socially. It hurts me to not be included but I think many people are uncomfortable around someone who is drunk...not uncomfortable around the sober one. At least that has been my experience.