He Outsmarted the Courts
ritabee
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 45
He Outsmarted the Courts
The A's probation officer called me today. He is on a year's probation since January with the following stipulations: he had to attend anger management (he did, and was finally able to handle his anger in a somewhat mature way), he was not to be under the influence in my presence (he moved out 2 1/2 weeks ago after 4 months of sobriety and has gone back to the bottle) and he was to attend substance (alcohol) abuse counseling.
I asked the P.O. about the alcohol counseling and she said there was a waiting list but he probably wouldn't be eligible anyways. Last winter he went for a voluntary assessment and either told the counselor that he was in AA or that he had quit drinking (he didn't quit until 3 months after that). Because the counselor believed him, he is not considered to have a problem with alcohol and not eligible for the program.
I can't believe the ridiculousness of the situation. Is this counselor so blind as to the manipulations of an alcoholic (if so, she should find another job) or was the A such a good liar that he was able to convince her that he had seen the error of his ways?
This just boggles the mind. So what was the point of the court order? I doubt that counseling would do him any good right now anyways because he is so caught up in the addiction again and seems happy with his situation. However if this had been mandated when he was genuinely trying to be sober who knows what good might of come of it!!!
Scratching my head in confusion........
I asked the P.O. about the alcohol counseling and she said there was a waiting list but he probably wouldn't be eligible anyways. Last winter he went for a voluntary assessment and either told the counselor that he was in AA or that he had quit drinking (he didn't quit until 3 months after that). Because the counselor believed him, he is not considered to have a problem with alcohol and not eligible for the program.
I can't believe the ridiculousness of the situation. Is this counselor so blind as to the manipulations of an alcoholic (if so, she should find another job) or was the A such a good liar that he was able to convince her that he had seen the error of his ways?
This just boggles the mind. So what was the point of the court order? I doubt that counseling would do him any good right now anyways because he is so caught up in the addiction again and seems happy with his situation. However if this had been mandated when he was genuinely trying to be sober who knows what good might of come of it!!!
Scratching my head in confusion........
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
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Originally Posted by ritabee
Is this counselor so blind as to the manipulations of an alcoholic (if so, she should find another job) or was the A such a good liar that he was able to convince her that he had seen the error of his ways?
This just boggles the mind. ..... I doubt that counseling would do him any good right now anyways because he is so caught up in the addiction
Can't help someone who doesn't want the help.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
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No court order and no amount of forced counseling will help him get sober until he wants to get sober. The judge knows this. His counselor knows this.
I'm curious, did his counselor tell you directly that he doesn't have a problem with alcohol or did your husband relay that to you? If he did, you can bet it's a lie. After all, lying goes hand-in-hand with alcoholism. It's the nature of the beast and it sucks.
I'm curious, did his counselor tell you directly that he doesn't have a problem with alcohol or did your husband relay that to you? If he did, you can bet it's a lie. After all, lying goes hand-in-hand with alcoholism. It's the nature of the beast and it sucks.
ritabee
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 45
The judge ordered alcohol abuse counseling as part of the probation order. Because he went on his own first and didn't wait to be directed to a group, he was assessed as having his problem under control.
Whether or not he is NOW actively drinking, he was ordered to attend counseling. He should have been sent there during his sober period...April to Sept...and maybe things would be different now.
I just find it very hard to believe that the man admits he is an alcoholic before the judge, is ordered to attend counseling, then talks himself out of it and it's ok with the court system?
Whether or not he is NOW actively drinking, he was ordered to attend counseling. He should have been sent there during his sober period...April to Sept...and maybe things would be different now.
I just find it very hard to believe that the man admits he is an alcoholic before the judge, is ordered to attend counseling, then talks himself out of it and it's ok with the court system?
ritabee
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 45
And...I forgot to mention...he doesn't HAVE a counselor. He saw a woman, once, last January. Nothing since. He told me she said he was "doing everything exactly right". What he was doing was pretending to attend AA meetings while sitting in his apartment drinking, missing work and accusing everyone of trying to hamper his "recovery". He got dry on his own because he couldn't be under the influence in front of me. When that got to be too much for him, he moved out...just down the hall, but out of this apartment so he could drink without fear that I might turn him in.
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I have walked many a mile in your shoes. My AH has been able to blow smoke up the respective a**es of a good many psychiatric counselors, addiction counselors, police officers, attorneys, and bosses. He gets away with it - for awhile. But these people are pros. They realize that they have done what they can and he's just b.s.'ing them. Addicts ARE good at it, but when it comes down to the bottom line, they're only deluding themselves.
I had my AH's temporary AA sponsor tell me (after my H had gone back to boozing) that he could tell right off the bat that he was being b.s.'d. His thoughts on it were that the emotional problems my AH has are even bigger than his drinking and until he addressed those, he would never maintain sobriety. Dead on and dead right.
These well-meaning people who work long hours for low salaries realize the real from the fake. However, they do their job, try their best, and then let it go. They are not responsible for making an addict accountable for his or her addiction. That alone is up to the addict.
I had my AH's temporary AA sponsor tell me (after my H had gone back to boozing) that he could tell right off the bat that he was being b.s.'d. His thoughts on it were that the emotional problems my AH has are even bigger than his drinking and until he addressed those, he would never maintain sobriety. Dead on and dead right.
These well-meaning people who work long hours for low salaries realize the real from the fake. However, they do their job, try their best, and then let it go. They are not responsible for making an addict accountable for his or her addiction. That alone is up to the addict.
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Originally Posted by ritabee
I doubt that counseling would do him any good right now anyways because he is so caught up in the addiction again and seems happy with his situation.
Take care.
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