Dazed&Confused

My husband and I were both social drinkers until his drinking got out-of-hand and he is now an A. We have (had) an active social life and we go to many social events where there is drinking. I enjoyed a drink or two as much as the next guy. I enjoyed a little buzz.

The difference was always that I knew when to stop. Without fail, at some point, I would always switch to water.

Now, after the last few years of chaos and all the "normal" life disruptions and hurt and pain and anger that comes with living with an alcoholic, I will actually gag if I try to take a drink of something which contains alcohol. It evolved slowly...I realized that I didn't really enjoy it that much...then I reallized I was just drinking because others were...there were times I actually FORCED myself to drink (why, I do not know). Now I can't stand the taste and cannot physically ingest it.

I suppose it is all psychological - alcohol equates with turmoil and unhappiness and now I cannot endure it at all.

denny57

I don't drink anymore, either. I think it's mostly because I had to look at why I drank. I still think there may come the day when I can have a glass of wine with dinner, which I really enjoyed, but right now it gives me headaches.

mallowcup

I absolutely know what you mean! I used to enjoy a few drinks. I quit drinking all together. I don't remember making a decision to quit. My husband continues to drink too much and I have come to hate alcohol in any form. I can't have a social drink without wretching. I don't like the people or the whole pathetic go-no-where bar scene. I hate the taste of alcohol. Alcohol is poison to the body,mind and soul.

LongStrangeTrip

Same here. The cool thing though is I can go out with friends and have fun, without alcohol. The crappy thing is I worry so much when we all leave about them driving. I usually end up being the designate.

I don't go out much anymore. I'm going to a fundraiser in a couple weeks and may try to have a drink but if it doesn't go down right...soda for me and no regrets.

prodigal

I tried to keep up with my AH for the first two years. Result? I was an asthmatic chain smoker (DUMB!!!!), who had a constant upset stomach, and who looked malnourished. Yeah, I was on the party bandwagon and having so much "fun." I ended up shopping in the junior's department because I lost so much weight. Hey, how many 48-year-old women are wearing a junior's size 7???? So I wheezed and barfed my way through two years of "fun."

Then I woke up on February 15, 2003 - a Sunday morning - and I was genuinely frightened. During our "fun" Valentine's Day evening of celebrating, I almost put my head through a plate glass window of the Inner Harbor Marriott in Baltimore - on the 24th floor no less! That was the end of my drinking days.

I have a social drink now and then. I can have fun. And I can walk away from it. More often than not, I walk away because I've seen what it has done to my AH. I don't want to go back there ever again. And I don't want to have some paramedic pulling shards of glass out of my neck from a 24 floor plate glass window!

Tally

I can't drink around my partner anymore either, my bf would say it's coincidense that we've all been turned off drinking....lol

The first 6 months I too tried to keep up with him, obviously not every day all day, but a good few nights a week, until I felt drained, ill, constantly tired and just "urgh", then I got my "sense" back...

Nowadays I get called "boring" and "no fun" because I refuse to drink anymore.
Try explaining that a 29 yr old woman doesn't need to get "smashed" to have fun, to an alcoholic, he can't comprehend it...

I totally went off drinking because it just wasn't fun! The whole time we'd be having a drink together he'd be "slam it", "lets get smashed", "you're not drinking fast enough" etc etc....ermm too much pressure, I don't want to drink fast, I don't want to get smashed, I don't want a near fatal hangover...the room spinning, vomiting and a thumping headache, how is that fun?!

If I had just one or two drinks he looked at me as if I where strange and tell me it was a waste...and the other thing, if we had a drink together we'd ALWAYS end up fighting...

Urgh, so not "fun" in my eyes...

My idea of "fun" is chatting with friends, having a joke and a giggle, reading a good book, dancing with my little girl, going shopping or for a drive with my mum, drawing a picture I'm really proud of....guess I am boring huh...

Well, I'd rather be sober and boring than a drunken fool

DespHouswife

Me too. I used to enjoy my social drinking.. a glass or 2 of wine with dinner, a couple beers at the ball game. A nightcap on a chilly evening.... never had a drinking problem of any kind, once I got through my college experience anyway

But I stopped drinking to show support for my A, who pretty much had/has a full on love affair with alcohol. It was easier just not to drink than watch her nearly drool if I had a drink. Even in sobriety, she has to read the wine list in the restaurants.... I decided I loved her much more than I liked the taste of any drink, and that the only way she'd have a real shot at getting sober would be if I kept it out of the house and quit myself.

The surprising thing is that I found myself, after time, just plain not wanting it. Not liking the way it made me feel anymore. I had a couple glasses of wine with dinner one night, then tossed the whole meal because of the alcohol. Regardless of what happens to my relationship- and at this point, if she goes back to drinking, I really am done with it this time- I really have no desire to be a drinker again.

I hate the smell of alcohol. To me it's the smell of ruin and dysfunction and everything bad.

deax

Hmm... not me. I drink socially when I go out with my friends. I let myself get a buzz and that's it though, my getting wasted days ended after college too. And occasionally when I'm home alone, if I feel like it I'll have a glass of wine. But when I was with Rich, I didn't drink (during the months he was pretending to be in recovery, anyway). But I don't have a problem with alcohol, don't take on his problem with alcohol, and I don't have a negative emotional attachment to it as a result of the relationship. A big part of that of course is that I, in contrast to probably 99% of the other people here, never saw my bf intoxicated or high or anything. Never had to live with it and witness the destruction firsthand. It was definitely a problem for us, but from a distance.

gypsyrose

I can relate. I'm so disgusted with with what alcohol has done to my life that I want nothing to do with it anymore. I don't see that changing anytime soon.
At least not as long as AH and I are still living on the same continent.