Contact/No Contact
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Contact/No Contact
I have been in no contact with AH since last November. This past week I received a letter from his lawyer stating AH wished to open a direct line of communication with me instead of working through the attorneys.
I thought about it for several days and, in the end, decided no contact was still best.
Walking home tonight I had a realization - when I was working out what to do, all my considerations were based on what was best for me. Not once did I think about AH - what he may be thinking, what he hoped to accomplish, what he wanted.
It's a slow process sometimes, but I'm loving recovery
I thought about it for several days and, in the end, decided no contact was still best.
Walking home tonight I had a realization - when I was working out what to do, all my considerations were based on what was best for me. Not once did I think about AH - what he may be thinking, what he hoped to accomplish, what he wanted.
It's a slow process sometimes, but I'm loving recovery
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Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Faith~Hope~Love
Posts: 963
(((Denny)))
That's great and I am so proud of you. I remember hearing "fake it till you make it" and thinking that's me ... recovery felt so unnatural, I had no choice but to fake it. Pretty freeing stuff when I realized my decisions were based on what I thought best, and I didn't have to go thru the second-guessing, over-analyzing, obsessive thinking to get there.
hugs ~
deedee
That's great and I am so proud of you. I remember hearing "fake it till you make it" and thinking that's me ... recovery felt so unnatural, I had no choice but to fake it. Pretty freeing stuff when I realized my decisions were based on what I thought best, and I didn't have to go thru the second-guessing, over-analyzing, obsessive thinking to get there.
hugs ~
deedee
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 782
Hi Denny! 
That is good to hear. First of all because I'm glad you are doing well, of course, but second of all, makes me think that someday I can get past worrying about what I've done is doing to him and keep it on me. It is, after, a slow process, as you said.
That is good to hear. First of all because I'm glad you are doing well, of course, but second of all, makes me think that someday I can get past worrying about what I've done is doing to him and keep it on me. It is, after, a slow process, as you said.
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
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The only difference I can imagine that would be different from him talking to lawyers instead of you directly is vulnerability. It's nice that your knee jerk reaction was to think about what's best for you.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
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Thanks, everyone. It feels good to do what is best for me.
Mallow, I understand what you are saying, but vulnerability (as I think you meant it) didn't play into my decision. Six months ago, maybe, but not today. I do not feel vulnerable to AH or the disease. I understand it more, and I think the overriding factor in my decision was examining and understanding any motivation I might have for bringing the chaos of active drinking back into my life.
It was not a knee jerk reaction. I gave it careful consideration over several days. Al-Anon and therapy have given me the tools to no longer have knee jerk reactions to any event in my life. I'm not perfect, but I've gotten pretty darn good at taking a breath and doing nothing.
As always, one day at a time.
Mallow, I understand what you are saying, but vulnerability (as I think you meant it) didn't play into my decision. Six months ago, maybe, but not today. I do not feel vulnerable to AH or the disease. I understand it more, and I think the overriding factor in my decision was examining and understanding any motivation I might have for bringing the chaos of active drinking back into my life.
It was not a knee jerk reaction. I gave it careful consideration over several days. Al-Anon and therapy have given me the tools to no longer have knee jerk reactions to any event in my life. I'm not perfect, but I've gotten pretty darn good at taking a breath and doing nothing.
As always, one day at a time.
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
It was not a knee jerk reaction. I gave it careful consideration over several days.
It is a process, and you rock Denny
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