LIFEOUTTHERE

Well I did it this morning. I went to the lawyer's office. Give them my information paid them my money and she said she would have the papers ready to proof on Monday. She said after we signed it would be 60 days until the court date and I would have to go before the judge and he would ask a couple of questions and I would be divorced.

Kinda strange - there is no regret or tears. I thought there might, but none.

Cynay

Taking the next step for you..... seems sad to say congrads to a divorce but at the same time ...ahhh heck ...... Congrads.

What is true for me is sometimes the emotion does not kick in till later... Im glad your ok now but dont be suprised if sometime down the road the emotion pops into gear.

LIFEOUTTHERE

I am very much sad, but no regret and there are no tears so far today, Your right I am sure they will come, but I am sad that this man has chosen alcohol over his family. I am sad b/c I have given this man 7 years of my life and 3 beautiful children and he dosen't seem to see that. I want to say to him OPEN YOUR EYES DARN IT AND SEE WHAT IS IN FRONT OF YOU, YOU ARE KILLING YOURSELF. I want him to come to me and tell me that we are the most important thing in his life that the beer does not matter at all to him, but he can't.

When I married him, I honestly thought that it was not a problem for him. I had no education on alcohol b/c I had never been around it. He always told me it relaxed him and helped him sleep, and I beleived him. But then he started to drink earlier in the day and then it started to change his attitude and personality. Maybe I just became less tolerant of it after the kids were born. I don't know.

In the 7 years of marriage I can remember needing things for myself or the kids and not being able to have those things b/c he has spent all the money on alcohol. It would have been different if he drank and supported his family, but he did not. He would buy beer and then I would have to scrape change for milk and daipers. There are times when we had no groceries, but you bet there was beer in the fridge and cigs in his pocket.

I don't understand why my heart aches for this man. Why do I care what happens to him. I just want to be released from all the hurt, guilt, anger and shame that I feel.

Okay Cynay, I may be more emotional that I think.

LIFEOUTTHERE

May I add all the times he has taken me to work b/c we only had one vehicle and forgotten to pick me up b/c he passed out on the couch. I will not even start to count the times.

mfisher

It sounds like the bad out weighed the good, I found it really hard to feel sad about it all ending when my life with him was such a nightmare.
Every once in awhile I will have fond memories and then I get slapped back in to reality.
Even though all that has happened I do feel sorry for him, but not in the way of wanting to rescue, save, or be with him, just sorry.
I had issues with guilt, but looking at the person I was I know I had to save me because no one else was going to.
You will probably ride the emotional roller coaster for awhile, just sit back and take the ride. Take each day as it comes and take the time to enjoy the peace and ability to process your thoughts.
One thing I found out I can't forecast my feelings.

Cynay

This part screams out to me....

A divorce is not going to "release" you from all that hon. Im thinking that now might be a good time to do some deep soul searching to figure out why your feeling what you are. Deeper then we at SR can even do.....

I have heard it said that nobody can "make" you feel anything..... (though Im still working on that) emotion comes from our perception of the facts.... SO before we figure out why we feel that way we need to check the truths of what we percieve and see if that are right....

Just a though hon.....

mfisher

So So So true Cynay. Not to hijack this thread, but in giving myself time my perceptions became true and it made it easier to heal. I became a more solid person to move on.

denny57

The emotions for me have been up and down, but I have not regretted for one moment my choice. I am surrounded by a terrific support system that reminds me there will be up days and down days, even moments, and that is ok - that is life.

Good luck, Life, your courage and resolve are inspiring.