Ayers1995

I am beginning to have some serious concerns about my husband. He was home yesterday, AGAIN, as I’d posted yesterday. It wasn’t for the reasons he lied to me about though. It was because he snapped at a Burger King with some of his coworkers on a guy that cut in front of them in line. He confronted the guy and it escalated to my AH asking the guy if he wanted his neck snapped! Well, his co-workers drug him aside and
Ended the ordeal…. They got to work and …. Let me just say my husband is in a very high position, he is over all contractors that come in and work turnarounds inside one of the top fuel plants…. One of the superintendents for a contractor wasn’t cooperating and my husband didn’t deal with it very well and the guy poked my husband and it just escalated from there. My husband left work for the rest of the day.

After some discussions last night I don’t believe that my husband is very stable. He clings to me for his happiness. He drank last night and tried to hide it, he cries all the time.

I don’t know how to turn this around. I’m focusing focusing focusing and he is grasping and draining every thing I have.

I am going to back off of posting because it does seem I am at a standstill and all I can do is read and work on myself.. which I am doing.

I just wanted to get out some concerns, it’s just overwhelming

Missy

My huband too seems to get confrontabe with the people he works with. But his managers always cover for him because he is a good worker. AH leaves work whenever he wants to and gets away with it. Since we both work for the same company, I have to keep my mouth shut. He did about a month ago call me 26 times in one day during one of his blackouts threatening me.
So I turned him in for harrassment. Now I dont hear the end of it since he is restricted from calling me at work anymore and he is being watched by inspectors.
So again, I suffer his consequences but at least I have quiet days at work.
One day at a time.
I came home last night he he went to get his arm tattooed. You shouldnt have a tattoo with vodka in your system because of the bleeding. He didnt remember anything but the pain and wants me to find out how to take care of it. It is now in a black garbage bag for a couple of days.
I told him, He is on his own. he did it and now he has to take care of it. He is up for some big infections and I dont care. I'm so proud of me for not stepping in thanks to this forum. Thanks, thanks and more thanks,
So Ayers, we can work it one day at a time.
Missy xo

Cynay

Why would you want to back away from posting hon..... sounds to me like you will need more support then ever.

You know, when we start changing often the A in our life will panic, they need us codies so they can continue there addiction..... sometimes things seem to get the worst right before something changes. I dont want to get anyones hopes up but the more pain he is in, perhaps he will come to a point to want to make a change???? Just a thought...

I know it hurts to watch and its scarry... but hold on and dont let go before the Mirical happens.

laurie6781

I agree with Cynay, you need to be posting for support NOW MORE THAN EVER.

Ayers, you need to have a plan in place, you are seeing the escalation or progression and he is getting worse. As he is becoming that 'touchy' and liable to snap at the least little thing, you need to decide what NOW what you're going to do if he turns on you.

Are you prepared to call 911? Are you prepared to split immediately (do you have a bag packed in the car, some cash on the side for a motel room, etc etc or a place to go). You really need to be aware he could 'swing on you."

I am concerned for you, I have seen it time and time again, and I too went this route, it is only going to get worse from here, clinging one minute, crying, or raging the next and then swinging on you or walls or furniture. Please take measures to protect yourself.

Please also keep posting, we do so care, and will worry if we don't know how you are doing.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

BigSis

Yep, what Cynay said.

When I am in crisis, my FIRST response is to isolate... just like the alcoholic/addicts when THEY are in crisis... funny, eh?

And, just like the addicts/alcoholics where I really NEED to be is in an Alanon meeting, reading my materials, making those phone calls (Oh! That 500 pound phone!!!); and allowing others to reach out to me.

Today, in particular, I DO know how hard that is, and send my prayers to you for openness, willingness and comfort. (((hugs)))

elizabeth1979

I experienced this alot..and I mean alot with my ex.
Trouble I later came to find out, through therapy and my own recovery, was that this was not just a drinking problem. Depression, mental illness, anxiety, whatever...combined with substance abuse makes for a tough road.

I could see he was very volatile, not stable in any capacity, and couldnt even make it through one day without acting like he was on the brink of a meltdown.

He was constantly wanting reassurance that "we" were ok, I still loved him, wasnt looking elsewhere, etc etc.

This was constantly putting the focus on him and feeding his belief that if *i* was in love with him enough, he would be ok. Totally destructive thinking..because when any one places their worth in someone elses hands, it has a tendency to backfire and is never enough. Not to mention it was sick for me, because i was left feeling worthless and empty when my love was not enough to make him happy...

Ayers1995

Eli1979 you are seperated now, right?

How in the world did you manage to do that? Didn't you want to just give in b/c it's just to difficult?

I am baffled and a nervous wreck.

elizabeth1979

We were over long before my move, but moving really helped. I did have times when I wanted to give up on my dreams because it seemed to hard and I was carrying alot of guilt over what would happen to him without me.

Hes doing the same thing without me as he did with me, by the way!

What was really hard was staying with him as long as I did. I was sooo tired of being his reassurance and addiction support system, when I didnt want to do it anymore. Every day I felt so angry I thought I would snap. Recovery made me not do something crazy, but leaving gave me my life back.

Oh, and Ive met someone since then too!

Jazzman

Ayers I was a mess living w/ M day to day. It wasn't until she was gone that I could actually come up for air and get busy taking care of myself and my kids. I was worn down and all I had ahead of me was more wearing down, for as long as the eye could see.

I don't know how I could have managed to stay any longer.

Ayers1995

I feel the same way at this point. I am overwhelmed... I know I use that alot but I don't know how to describe the desperation I feel when I think about having to keep 'his needs met'. I got roses at work today by the way...
Everyone says "D got roses J must have screwed up again!". Wow.

I have to keep myself in the day to day thinking... anymore than that and I will crack I think.

I'm just so sad.