igfan

Hi,
well, Friday night i picked up ANOTHER white chip.......i also used this white chip as a way to tell my husband about what's been going on. He didn't know that i had relapsed and he didn't know the extent of my xanax use in the past/present or that i had been ordering it online. He was very supportive, i knew he would be, but i was just afraid to tell him about everything. I guess i figured he'd view me differently.

Anyway, got that out of the way and felt a little relieved, but the last couple days i've just felt......i don't know.......not right. They (the doctors) keep changing the dose of my prozac....not sure if that has anything to do with what's been going on with me. I go from feeling "normal" to feeling anxious, sad, angry, you name it, i'm feeling it. So, i thought i'd post about it, maybe it will make me feel better, maybe not.......we'll see.

thanks

OnceNice

I can so relate to you. Been feeling out of sorts myself. I'm Having a hard time. This is hard isn'tit. I just wish I had a computer at home so I could talk with you there.
I'm glad your husband is being supportive. That helps alot.
Hope you feel better soon.

I know my moods are swinging left and right since I quit drinking. I hope we both can level out soon.

Take care.

This bites sometimes.

Anna

You're definitely lucky that your husband is supportive Igfan.

And, it could certainly be the changing amount of Prozac is having an effect on you, but I think it just takes awhile for emotions to settle down and for things to feel okay.

Hope

I just wanted to stop in to say that you are not alone in how you are feeling. I'm feeling it too. It will get better as long as we stay sober. One foot in front of the other... breathe in... breathe out.

We can pat ourselves on the back today because at least we are moving forward. Even though we feel all these yucky emotions, we can still feel proud of ourselves for making that important decision to seek a better life.

It won't get better overnight, but it will get better. Continue posting about how you're feeling. You are not alone in dealing with this stuff.

igfan

I know Anna, i'm starting to believe that it is possible that someone might actually love me, unconditionally.....each time i'm afraid to tell him something that i think is bad about me, he freakin amazes me.

Anyway, i feel better today....after 6 months, i finally got the nerve to ask my sponsor for more "one on one" time and guess what......she didn't tell me no. We've been having issues over the last month, we've both been contemplating whether our sponsor/sponsee relationship was working for either one of us, and one of the issues is that i haven't been able to be 100% forthcoming with important information. So, i asked her if we could start over, get together and discuss some guidelines, but that one thing i was looking for was more one on one time. We do most of our communicating via email, which i think is not working so well anymore. So, we're going to hook up tomorrow night and talk things over. I think this will be good, i think i've just always expected too much from her and i'm realizing finally that babysitting me is not her job. What i really want is a friend and someone i can trust.