IndigoNA

I'm a really insecure person. I've been hanging out with these really cool people that are sober now, but I always over analyze every situation. How they talk to me or what they say; in my mind to analyze if they like me or not. I'd like to be really close friends with them.

For example I was chatting with one of them online and he wasn't very talkative. I know he could be busy doing other stuff. But stuff like that is what makes me feel insecure and start asking myself, does he really see me as a real friend or not?

I just feel lonely at times, and I'm afraid that they'll stop liking me. I even think about things before saying them, because I don't want to say things they don't want to listen. So I can't really be myself at times. But I'm scared that they won't like me.

I'm kinda obsessive when it comes to relationships with friends or even girls. Like I monitor to see if they write stuff in each others blogs and get mad if I write a note on their blog and they don't write back. It makes me feel inferior, like if they didn't care about me.

Am I supposed to call them when I want to do something, or are they supposed to invite me when they do stuff?

Sometimes I'm just afraid to ask if I can do stuff with them because I don't want to pressure them into doing stuff with me if they don't want too. You know what I mean? I don't want them to say yes, but be thinking, oh **** we dont want to hang out with him.

I also think too much about money and being even. Let's say someone pays for the food at the restaurant for all. I feel obliged into buying them something back someplace else. Or if they pay for the gas on the boat, I feel like I should offer gas money, even though I don't have it. And I can imagine them saying to themselves I pay for all the gas and he's on the boat too and he doesn't pay ****. Even though the guy who own the boat never charges anyone. But that's how I feel.

Another thing. It's been like 3 months since I've had relations with girls (kissing, sex, etc) because I just moved. So I start hanging out with this girl who is friends with the other guys. She's a really cool girl. I really like her, we start talking, and yeah she prolly likes me as a friend. Then I start liking her as even something more than a friend, prolly a girlfriend, or just hook up with her once in a while (a fling or what ever you want to call it). So I start being obssesed about her, thinking about her, I get jealous because she's closer with other "friends" of mine, and she says that he is a great person. So I get jealous, and obsessed... I'm going insane here... kinda...

I need help guys please.

UnusedPortion

I know what you mean about overanalyzing and I do it all the time. I wonder if a new friend considers herself an equal or a mentor (she's a bit older). I find myself wondering if I should make the first move to others in friendship or not, and I am forcing myself to more often. I'm turning it around to myself, making myself ask, "What if they are thinking all of the same stuff and we are missing out on an awesome friendship because we are BOTH intimidated or nervous?" I can see what you mean about making female friends by guys acting funny around me all the sudden, or my own reluctance to talk to this gorgeous AA member who looks like a doll bc I am married. I also feel like because I am married I shouldn't hang out with anyone I could possibly be viewed as dating, that there should be something that disqualifies a sexual relationship like age difference or something. A guy in his 70's gave me a hug at AA the other day and hasn't shown back up. What if I'm the reason? I did need the hug and he seemed like a father figure to me. Oh it's all a big confusing mess for everyone but when I see him again I am going to give him a hug and try not to obsess about all this confusing stuff and go out and make the friends that all my neurotic hyperactive thoughts are keeping me from having. I hope I succeed and I hope you do too!

BTW, you are sure to make and have friends here!

IndigoNA

Thanks... yeah I know you can make friends here, but it's not the same. I feel lonely at times, and need company.

rose petals

oh i totally relate to your post--i always analyze--then i avayze "why do i analyze so much?"lol--i think about what i say before i say it--i always think i hav eto pay people back when they help me or do something for me--well i guess i started realizing--with the help of others and my hubby--to try to stop--i dont think i acn ever stop for good--i think it might be with me for goog , but i can make it more manageble--when my head starts to analyze--i immediatly try to shut it down or let it go in one ear and out the other--i dont have to yhink about what i dont want to--i divert my thoughts to something else, like tv, computer or cleaning-- then i think well, i should be listening to these thoughts, they are so profound and yes many of them were--imo--but bottom line i had to stop--it was driving me insane--am i perfect at this?--heck no!--but it is more manageable--i dont get the luxury of thinking , basically is how i think of it--cause i think to deeply which for me doesnt work--WHY?--i dont know--lol--maybe someday--not today
Laura

IndigoNA

I get all excited with new friends... and then I feel bad because I don't feel they have a big interest in myself as I do.

For example this girl, at first she seemed kinda cool, talking to me and everything, now I've sent her a couple of messages and she completly ignores me and not write back, when I see that other people that have written messages to her.. she has responded back. Makes me feel like ****. Doesn't make me feel like people like me. That makes me feel more lonely. I need attention from people, but I don't know how to get it. That's why I was a clown in school, to get people's attention. That's probabbly why I got into drugs/alcohol to get people's attention one way or another.

dalin

my biggest deals have been the things that have dealt with in the steps.alot of my paranioya were attempts to people please.i really short circuted my recovery by jumping into relationships before doing the steps.actualy relapsed over a relationship.
then i got a sponsor,and allowed this person to know me like no one ever had.
my attempts to analyse wher things i did with self will that made other folks uncomfortable,and then once again i would be alone again.
get an na sponsor,who has an na sponsor,and talk to them about this.you will see how this thing works.

dalin

another thing my sponsor expained to me is that if had food and a place to sleep,my needs where being met.
my addictive personality thinks im unique and differant than everyone else.
im not.i have the same disease of addiction.it is our common bond.
surender to that.
this is a we disease.it wants me to feel unique,so i will uniquelly relapse.
whey your needs and your wants,and see if you see your disease of addictions fingerprints on your wants.
i have to do that daily,as most recovering folks do.
keep coming back.i want to see you grow like we all do.
with love dalin