help today
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in a better place
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help today
I'm about to do what I've been trying not to do because I don't want to just whine and cry and have everyone come and say, oh it's Ok blah blah.
but i'm so mad and sad and crazy exactly now that I could spit fire. all i keep thinking is that I could really use a string drink to calm my head. I can't get it out of my f'n head. my kids are screaming and bawling and I feel like such a fk up. :uzi2: :uzi2: :uzi2:
but i'm so mad and sad and crazy exactly now that I could spit fire. all i keep thinking is that I could really use a string drink to calm my head. I can't get it out of my f'n head. my kids are screaming and bawling and I feel like such a fk up. :uzi2: :uzi2: :uzi2:
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: The Big Woods
Posts: 521
Hi C'est,
As we wrote about yesterday on Earlybird's "Yets" thread, this is the place to write it out, move those toxic thoughts OUT of your head. Though the specifics of our situations differ, and we're even on opposite sides of the planet, it's remarkable how similar have been our journeys, our way of thinking. So I'm going out on a limb and suggesting "can relate". Neither am I one to allow others inside my head, I don't want pity, I don't want their suggestions, I don't want to hear about it. Basically I just want to be left alone, to work it through myself. Yeah, inside my own head. So there's a sticking point, for there we're subjecting ourselves to our own best thinking, and being addicts, that's not always a trusted wise source. So. We step outside our own best thinking, for the rational approach we already KNOW but don't want to hear. Rethinking through the alternatives to that quick escape solution. Can you distract the kids into doing something else? Diffuse the energy that is your anger into another direction where you WANT it to go? It's all a mind game, essentially. Tuning out the surrounding crap and focusing on something productive or interesting or otherwise engaging/ rewarding/ positive, that does not involve suppressing yourSELF in chemicals. This is such a massive mindset shift, I'm discovering. Put to the test in times of stress. I'm there often. Learning to diffuse. To shift, inside my head, away from the familiar methods of retreat/ escape, into one that's enduring, healthy, brings happiness to me. You see? I want to send this now, so you know I'm thinking of you, and here listening to you...
As we wrote about yesterday on Earlybird's "Yets" thread, this is the place to write it out, move those toxic thoughts OUT of your head. Though the specifics of our situations differ, and we're even on opposite sides of the planet, it's remarkable how similar have been our journeys, our way of thinking. So I'm going out on a limb and suggesting "can relate". Neither am I one to allow others inside my head, I don't want pity, I don't want their suggestions, I don't want to hear about it. Basically I just want to be left alone, to work it through myself. Yeah, inside my own head. So there's a sticking point, for there we're subjecting ourselves to our own best thinking, and being addicts, that's not always a trusted wise source. So. We step outside our own best thinking, for the rational approach we already KNOW but don't want to hear. Rethinking through the alternatives to that quick escape solution. Can you distract the kids into doing something else? Diffuse the energy that is your anger into another direction where you WANT it to go? It's all a mind game, essentially. Tuning out the surrounding crap and focusing on something productive or interesting or otherwise engaging/ rewarding/ positive, that does not involve suppressing yourSELF in chemicals. This is such a massive mindset shift, I'm discovering. Put to the test in times of stress. I'm there often. Learning to diffuse. To shift, inside my head, away from the familiar methods of retreat/ escape, into one that's enduring, healthy, brings happiness to me. You see? I want to send this now, so you know I'm thinking of you, and here listening to you...
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Australia
Posts: 128
You have given me so many kind words and thoughts over the last couple of weeks and I wish I could say something profound to help you...all I can say is it will only make you feel worse and you know that...dont give up giving up you can do it...do anything to quieten the kids down, tv, sweets...anything just so you can breathe and be ok.
Chloe
Chloe
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
C'est,
It's not worth to give up what you've worked so hard for all these months.
Raising children is so very hard. And, it's easy to slip into the negative thinking of 'I'm not doing enough, I should be doing more'. But, you are doing the best that you can do and you're a good Mom.
I hope you come back and let us know that you got through this.
It's not worth to give up what you've worked so hard for all these months.
Raising children is so very hard. And, it's easy to slip into the negative thinking of 'I'm not doing enough, I should be doing more'. But, you are doing the best that you can do and you're a good Mom.
I hope you come back and let us know that you got through this.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Hi C'est. Sharon an alcoholic here.
What time is it there? It's 7:30 am here in Houston. Mad, sad and crazy...this early in the morning? I remember as a child that Saturdays was Cartoon Morning. Do ur kids watch them? How old u r little ones? Are you handling this little ones by urself?
Till u have time to return to us and share whats going on over there....say ur Serenity Prayer over and over and over again till u feel peace inside. I dont think ur HP will give you anymore than what u can handle. We just get overwhelmed when we cant control people, places and things the way we want them to be. Learning to accept them just as they are meant to be is a challenge but can be done with practice.
Come back and share how u r doing thru out the day. I also have a Thread somewheres that asks What are you doing today..or something like that..i forgot...come there to play if u want. : ) Smiles little one : )
GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY
TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANT
NOT CHANGE, COURAGE TO CHANGE
THE THINGS I CAN AND THE WISDOM
TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
What time is it there? It's 7:30 am here in Houston. Mad, sad and crazy...this early in the morning? I remember as a child that Saturdays was Cartoon Morning. Do ur kids watch them? How old u r little ones? Are you handling this little ones by urself?
Till u have time to return to us and share whats going on over there....say ur Serenity Prayer over and over and over again till u feel peace inside. I dont think ur HP will give you anymore than what u can handle. We just get overwhelmed when we cant control people, places and things the way we want them to be. Learning to accept them just as they are meant to be is a challenge but can be done with practice.
Come back and share how u r doing thru out the day. I also have a Thread somewheres that asks What are you doing today..or something like that..i forgot...come there to play if u want. : ) Smiles little one : )
GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY
TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANT
NOT CHANGE, COURAGE TO CHANGE
THE THINGS I CAN AND THE WISDOM
TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
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Join Date: Dec 2005
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It was noon when I posted and now it's 5pm (Sharon, I'm in Europe)
I tried so hard to ignore the insane screaming but just lost it. I let myself get wrapped into their insanity and thats when I started getting really sad and then posted here. I'm mad that I yelled and cussed and I've been pouting all day. I wish I had something to calm me down when I feel myself getting wired.
I still don't even want to talk to the son that made me so mad. How childish is that??? I get so sick of turning the other cheek with his emotional outbursts and he never has a consequence. He got to spend the afternoon at a friends house and he's perfectly happy while I'm still moping. I really need parenting therapy.
Now my hub doesn't even want to go to the movies tonight because I'm such a b...to be around. If only I could find something to help me relax......
I tried so hard to ignore the insane screaming but just lost it. I let myself get wrapped into their insanity and thats when I started getting really sad and then posted here. I'm mad that I yelled and cussed and I've been pouting all day. I wish I had something to calm me down when I feel myself getting wired.
I still don't even want to talk to the son that made me so mad. How childish is that??? I get so sick of turning the other cheek with his emotional outbursts and he never has a consequence. He got to spend the afternoon at a friends house and he's perfectly happy while I'm still moping. I really need parenting therapy.
Now my hub doesn't even want to go to the movies tonight because I'm such a b...to be around. If only I could find something to help me relax......
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
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Angie,
Like I said before, raising children is the hardest job imagineable. They can push every button that you have, over and over again. I tried so hard and it never seemed like enough and it's such an empty feeling.
But, you have to know that you are doing a good job and you are doing enough. Try to take some time for yourself and relax. One of the very hardest parts of recovery is finding healthy ways of destressing. I'm still working on that one!
Like I said before, raising children is the hardest job imagineable. They can push every button that you have, over and over again. I tried so hard and it never seemed like enough and it's such an empty feeling.
But, you have to know that you are doing a good job and you are doing enough. Try to take some time for yourself and relax. One of the very hardest parts of recovery is finding healthy ways of destressing. I'm still working on that one!
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Neither am I one to allow others inside my head, I don't want pity, I don't want their suggestions, I don't want to hear about it. Basically I just want to be left alone, to work it through myself. Yeah, inside my own head. So there's a sticking point, for there we're subjecting ourselves to our own best thinking, and being addicts, that's not always a trusted wise source.
I can't believe I didn't drink. There must be some viciously strong part of me fighting off the drink, because I had a beer in my hand and put it to my lips and just couldn't take a drink. I couldn't. I'm mad and sad and proud and irritated, but sober tonight.
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,525
C'est--I'm sorry you're having such a time now. I wish I had a good, practical answer for you but I don't. 
I know how you feel, though. I'm trying to remember how I get out of such moods when they happen--I know, drinking used to be the "magic cure" but that's no good at all (as you already know).
You know, I usually just let myself be sad for awhile about how I've messed up. I spend time ALONE, cry, take a nap, or something like that. Then I'll talk with the kid I've had the issue with--I'll apologize if that's warranted, I'll tell them how they've hurt me (if it's warranted, as with my older kids), whatever--just get stuff "dealt with" somehow and then move on. I talk with one of my friends who's a mom, too--she always has a way of helping me put things in perspective.
I wish we could chat right now. Maybe you just need another mom to talk to. It's so hard being a mom sometimes.
I know how you feel, though. I'm trying to remember how I get out of such moods when they happen--I know, drinking used to be the "magic cure" but that's no good at all (as you already know). You know, I usually just let myself be sad for awhile about how I've messed up. I spend time ALONE, cry, take a nap, or something like that. Then I'll talk with the kid I've had the issue with--I'll apologize if that's warranted, I'll tell them how they've hurt me (if it's warranted, as with my older kids), whatever--just get stuff "dealt with" somehow and then move on. I talk with one of my friends who's a mom, too--she always has a way of helping me put things in perspective.
I wish we could chat right now. Maybe you just need another mom to talk to. It's so hard being a mom sometimes.
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
There will always be days like today. When I'm angry, frustrated, upset, I say the serenity prayer. It helps me get past the difficult times.
I'm glad, as well as you are that you didn't drink. Do you think it is a good idea to have beer so readily accessible in the house? Just a thought...
I'm glad, as well as you are that you didn't drink. Do you think it is a good idea to have beer so readily accessible in the house? Just a thought...
I'm HOME!!!!!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
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C'est....
Why don't you lock yourself in the BR with a little radio and a good book, and have a bubble bath, tell the kids they are not to disturb you unless it's life threatening.
You made it through though. And you're still sober so kudo's to you.
Why don't you lock yourself in the BR with a little radio and a good book, and have a bubble bath, tell the kids they are not to disturb you unless it's life threatening.
You made it through though. And you're still sober so kudo's to you.
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Join Date: Jul 2006
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Posts: 1,689
{c'est}
good for you in not letting them win! you've been such an inspiration to me! i wish you could pick up the phone and vent to me whenever your kids drive you crazy. mine have doing the same--and they are all small. i think it's the moon--which is full or close to full. start of school? i don't know but every mom i know is going through a rough time right now. kids really stretch you as a person, don't they?
you are not a bad mom. don't let that voice even talk to you. go for a long walk. run. turn on some music and dance. go to the gym. go to a meeting. work those emotions out of you. this too shall pass.
good for you in not letting them win! you've been such an inspiration to me! i wish you could pick up the phone and vent to me whenever your kids drive you crazy. mine have doing the same--and they are all small. i think it's the moon--which is full or close to full. start of school? i don't know but every mom i know is going through a rough time right now. kids really stretch you as a person, don't they?
you are not a bad mom. don't let that voice even talk to you. go for a long walk. run. turn on some music and dance. go to the gym. go to a meeting. work those emotions out of you. this too shall pass.
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
c'est...Sharon here again......question? Where did the beer come from? You said that u had the beer in ur hand and u brought it to ur lips.....whew...!!! Thats just too close for me to handle...you too im sure.....but u know...if the beer wasnt in ur house, hands, then you wouldnt have been tempted to raise it to ur lips, right? For me ALL the ALCOHOL is out of my house... ALL OF IT...sooooo if i get in a bad mood, happy mood, or the thousands of other kinds of moods that would tempt me to pick up then i wouldnt have it to drink and i would be guaranteed not to drink. Right? If its not there u r guaranteed to not drink right there in ur own home.....That's a guarantee....right?
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Finding out what I have been missing!
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Wow can I relate. Went to H*** and back with my kids today, especially my 11 year old. She really trying to see how far you can push me.
I guess eventually she'll figure out who's running the show.
I had to pass on a benefit I had already bought tickets for. I knew the beer and the booze would be flowing and I was so stressed after battling all day I just did to trust myself .
It 2:00AM here I stayed up to finish a paper I'm zonked going sleep now just wanted to check in. Supposed to row at 7:00
I guess eventually she'll figure out who's running the show.
I had to pass on a benefit I had already bought tickets for. I knew the beer and the booze would be flowing and I was so stressed after battling all day I just did to trust myself .
It 2:00AM here I stayed up to finish a paper I'm zonked going sleep now just wanted to check in. Supposed to row at 7:00
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It was the Serenity Prayer that started my day in a twisted mood when I was perfectly happy before I said it. My hub said he didn't want to hear it again. I think he's sick of all the "positive vibe" crap that I've been talking lately. Kinda strange huh?
So my whole day spiraled and I couldn't stop it with all the crud hitting the fan all day long. My hub bought a big bottle of beer to relax from all the stress of the day. ha. Yeah, I've got a resentment there! At the end of the day I told him I wish I had someone to talk to and he walked out of the room. I think he doesn't know what to say or how to react. I just want to be normal and I think that's what he wants too, and right NOW.
I might go to an AA meeting just to have someone to talk to, but then I'll be back in the mode of leaning on someone other than myself and feeling like I'm in "recovery" rather than just not drinking. I really wish I had a crazy mom support group!!
So my whole day spiraled and I couldn't stop it with all the crud hitting the fan all day long. My hub bought a big bottle of beer to relax from all the stress of the day. ha. Yeah, I've got a resentment there! At the end of the day I told him I wish I had someone to talk to and he walked out of the room. I think he doesn't know what to say or how to react. I just want to be normal and I think that's what he wants too, and right NOW.
I might go to an AA meeting just to have someone to talk to, but then I'll be back in the mode of leaning on someone other than myself and feeling like I'm in "recovery" rather than just not drinking. I really wish I had a crazy mom support group!!
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