Tosh

Hi all,

I've been considering doing something about my heavy drinking for some time now, and as I type I have a pint of lager by the key board (but unfortunately it's my last, as in I've got no more left); so I'm glad I've found this forum.

After reading some posts here, I think I should make an appointment with my doctor; but that in itself is a difficult step to take; owning up to someone that I've a drinking problem.

Anyway; my name is Tosh, I live in England (UK) and am married to an extremely fit marathon runner called Helen. We have a ten year old child.

I've been married before, and have two children from a previous marraige which my alcohol addiction was a contributing factor in our break-up; which just isn't fair on those kids.

My grandfather was an alcoholic, my father was an alcoholic and I'm following in the family footsteps.

I personally blame my weak character, up-bringing and seventeen years service in the British Army (where you play hard, work hard; drink hard) for all my woes; but now I'm approaching my fortieth birthday; it's about time I did sort myself out.

Currently I can drink two or three bottles of wine per night and still appear sober. My wife knows I drink to much; but doesn't know how much I actually drink. She's an athelete and spends much of her spare time training; giving me the opportunity to get 'the beers down me'.

At present, a life without alcohol seems like a life not worth living; does that outlook ever change?

I also run a successful(ish) business; work rarely suffers because of my drinking and I'm a good provider. When I'm drunk; I pretend I'm tired from work and go to bed. My wife seems to accept that.

But I would like to reduce my drinking.

What do I do?

Please help!

Tosh

PS. There's no need to be 'nicey-nice' to me.

I feel like I need a good 'telling off' (do you Americans understand that phrase?)

It means, don't pull your punches, just advise me on how to stop (or preferably reduce ('cos I do like a drink)) drinking too much.

Regards.

Tosh.

Luckyv2

Welcome Tosh glad that you are here hope to see more of you

Love Vic

StrongR2Day

Welcome, Tosh. Glad you are here.

I tried this too many times to count, I couldn't reduce it to a pleasurable level. It was all or nothing for me. All didn't work out so well, so for some time I've been practicing the "nothing". Do you want to quit drinking, or are you hoping to find you can drink in moderation?

Yes, it does change...but it takes time and practice.

I'm really not very good at the "telling off", hope I didn't dissapoint you!

Ngokpa

Well, stopping isn't a whole lot of fun. I found it took a couple of months before my head was out of the clouds. But the difference was huge.

Part of the problem is that we equate alcohol with fun. It was once, but as our drinking progresses it's like a ball and chain. It helps us numb from a lot of the bad stuff, but it keeps us numb from the good stuff. I've found that in sobriety I could actually have a life.

It's awkward at first, because it's a huge transition, and hanging out with drinking buddies isn't an option. But those guys weren't around for me anymore anyway. If you're at all curious, try the 90 meetings in 90 days thing, not drinking one day at a time. What's three months? You don't have to believe anything except your own experience--but you might be surprised when somebody completely different than you is telling your story.

Good luck!

mygirls_mylife

Hi there! Welcome to SR its a great place here.

I think you speak our language. Most of us enjoy a good drink and would also like to reduce drinking. Unfortuantely for most of us the latter is not an option; and the former has to become a memory.

It really isn't bad; life without alcohol. It opens up so many other avenues that you may have never explored being sober. So, Tosh, you have to figure out if you really can control your drinking first.

The Big Book in AA tells us to go ahead and try it. Go back out and have just a couple. See if you can have JUST 2 and if you do have just 2, did you force yourself and then not have a good time because you were trying so hard not to drink more?

I know without a shadow of a doubt. I dont have to go "try" again. I have NEVER been able to have just one, it was always drink til its gone or I am passed out.

I pray daily and go to AA to keep me sober and to learn how to lead a fulfilling sober life. Others participate in other programs. You can find lots of info. Read up!
Keep posting, keep reading. We are here for you.
Star

Anna

Hi Tosh,

If you are an alcoholic, it is very unlikely that cutting down will work. I tried for ages to make that work for me and I failed every time. It would work for a while and then it would increase again. And, the whole time I was thinking about alcohol - when can I next drink, etc. Stopping completely is the only way for me.

And, I couldn't imagine a life without alcohol either, it seemed impossible. But, quite the opposite, it's turned out to be wonderful.

I hope you keep posting!

Greenbug

WTF? if its a problem then stop! Army, business owner!! Wife, kids HELLO!!!
I mean hell your not alone in this if you want to drink drink, if you want to stop stop. Whats the problem.

I know why not drink every second tuesday of the week. If that doesnt work then try the second friday of every week.

Hey - what can I say I am here to serve!

How about THIS try to NOT drink today, then try it again tomorrow. Also remember everyone falls down from time to time, its how and when you get back up that matters. One day at a time and this to shall pass.

GB

P.S. Hi Tosh, Welcome to SR - Im Greenbug....btw....

Now if you'll excuse me I was just told I need to "find" Jesus, heck I didnt know he was hiding.

Arura

Hello Tosh... Welcome to the boards...I hope you find some answers, at the Drs ...! Fantastic that you want to move on, and change the situation...!

Im also a Brit... so an extra Welcome from me there Matey...!

WE are here for you and are ready to help n sopport you in anyway WE can...!!!

Glad your here sweetie...! xXx

Your making the first step by,... admitting it to us, and yourself...! remember the progress not the degress...!

...Welcome...to SR...

Oh no another Brit abroad...! ...

c'est la vie

This is remarkable good advice. String a few of these together and I think you'll have a better vision of yourself.

You say that your first marriage ended in part due to alcohol and it's not fair to the kids, but you're not willing to give up drinking?

You acknowledge the genetic disposition to alcohol problems, but you'd rather accept it as a given than give up drinking?

You drink a couple bottles of wine each night and lie to your wife, but you don't think you have a big enough problem to warrant giving up drinking?

I hope you are able to take a couple months off and take a good hard look at what you have currently compared to how you feel then. I'm guessing you'll have a tough time at the beginning based on how much you drink, but if you get over the hurdle, you'll see how much better it is without alcohol. I never thought I'd be one to say that, but I am. You're fooling yourself, but you're not fooling anyone here.

Was that a thorough "telling off"?

nogard

Welcome to SR Tosh

miss communicat

Hi Tosh,
Welcome!
I wasnt sure from what you wrote if you are certain that you WANT to stop drinking but it does sound like you are certain that you NEED to explore it further.

It sounds as if you believe you can or should just moderate or control your drinking better rather than quit totally. Nobody except you can possibly make such a decision for you, or tell you "off" for that.

Do you need to learn more about alcoholism? There's a great thread with excerpts from a book called "Under the Influence" in this forum. And there are tons of great threads full of experiences in recovery and searching for answers about alcoholism. Stick around. Read alot more. Be honest with yourself. Can you not drink today?

What I would suggest to you is to stop completely for 30 days and then see what you feel about drinking. Your internal processs will reveal alot to you. Perhaps you could try an AA meeting to listen to other as well.

0816

Hi Tosh... This one's for your wife...
I think it's great that you are FINALLY seeing that the fact that you drink is hurting your life. My husband is also a great provider as well as an alcoholic. He's an excellent father and tries to give me everthing I want. Just can't seem to give me what I need. A husband who's not "checked out" half the time. I have many trust issues, feel alone much of the time and have a crappy sex life. Most healthy women want a strong reliable husband that they can depend on. You are probably a bit self-involved (as most drinkers are)? You've lost one family, is it worth risking another? You must miss your kids terribly. If you can get yourself clean, sober and healthy...I swear you'll be happier. It's so effin scary living with a drunk. I beg you to find a way to get over this. I know that AA is amazing if you just commit to keep going. My husband hated it at first and now can't live without it. Church is a great help, too. Please think about giving it a try. If not for you, how about the other people that love and need you?

Not judging. Wishing you well.
0816

jmhs002

Welcome. I got sober when I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to continue drinking, and I was willling to go to any lengths to get and maintain my sobriety. I drank every day for years. If I can quit, then you can quit. Are you ready?
JMHS

NEEDTOBESOBER

you have a drinking problem since you drink as much as you say and lost your family and I am not judging but I tried to cut down on my drinking and it never worked or drinking in moderation-NO- it does not work, I cannot just drink one or two, I either don't drink or drink until I am smashed and then eventually pass out.

earlybird

You know why cutting down, or drinking in moderation doesnt work? Because you dont want to drink in moderation. That isnt the type of drinking you fell in love with. The whole reason we BEGAN drinking like we do is to get blown out. To escape. To forget. To feel different. The chaos is as much part of it as the bottle or as the liquid in it. And the bottom line is that we just dont get any of that from "moderation". Thats why the ones who fool themselves into saying things like "See???......I cut down and have been that way for 6 months....." end up going back three times as hard. Thats because they are scared to NOT drink. Its all they know.

I am an alcoholic. And I can honestly tell you that I have NEVER,...EVER, felt like having just one or two.......ever.

2dayzmuse

Welcome to SR Tosh. If you truly want to stop drinking, you need to learn how to stop. I tried on my own and couldn't do it. I quit drinking by going to AA. I found that I really needed to work hard and get rid of my old way of thinking to finally get sober and reap the benefits of living a sober life. Good luck and my best to you...

eire rose

Hi Tosh,

I think by reading the posts to your thread you got what you asked for.....lol

Nothing to add the exceptional advice you have been given..

But I did want to welcome you

I am Irish by the way, its bred in us to drink, you can do this..

Love, Rose

Tosh

Hi all,

Thanks for the kind words of encouragement.

But this easy for me to say; since I've had a couple of 'super-strength' lagers down me.

The above post particularly touched me mind.

I also agree with the 'crappy sex life' bit too. Normally I'm just too tired after the 'lagers' to do anything.

Okay, Tuesday 12th September 2006, I'll only ingest two cans of lager - normal strength - and carry that on for a week.

After that, I'll stop all together; a day at a time.

If that fails, I'll make an appointment with my doc!

Honest!

The thing is, I'm functioning quite well the way I am; even though I've been a heavy, heavy drinker for around 15 years now.

Even at 19 years old, I got so drunk I went AWOL from my Unit in Bielefeld (Germany) and joined the French Foriegn Legion. Honest!!

While in the army I was promoted to a Staff Sergeant and posted into a Warrant Officers job; so I was fairly successfull there. And my current busniness; though less glamorous; is hard-work but fairly lucrative and I'm disciplined that even when I'm under-the-weather due to too much 'drink'; I can still function well.

I've a good resistance to alcohol.

But, to be honest; I haven't had a solid 'poo' in years. That can't be healthy!

And there's stuff I want to do; can do; but don't because after I finish work, I drink; so it doesn't get done.

I promise that Tuesday 12th September 2006 will be a 'two can' day; and so will the rest of the week.

In the meantime; I'll have a good read of this site.

Cheers, guys and gals.

2dayzmuse

Keep reading, I think you will learn a lot.