aasharon90

Hi Im Sharon and my drug of choice is alcohol.

I havent had a drink of alcohol since 8-11-90
and for that im truely grateful.

On a dark night, the bright lights of the
corner club look mighty inviting. Inside,
there seems to be warmth and good cheer.
But we dont stop to think that if we go in
there we'll probably end up drunk or stoned,
with our money spent and an aweful hang-
over. A long mahogany bar in the tropical
moonlight looks like a very gay place. But
you should see the place the next morning.
The chairs are piled on the tables and the
place stinks of stale beer and smoke. And
often we are there too, trying to cure the
shakes by gulping down straight whisky, or
take a toke.

CAN YOU LOOK STRAIGHT THROUGH THE NIGHT
BEFORE AND SEE THE MORNING AFTER?

Today I can. But im not gonna lie to you and
say I dont from time to time think about those
joyous times i had preparing myself for that
evening, going there, getting there, staying
awhile and all the stuff inbetween before
rushing home scared because im late....driving
under the influence....hopefully im able to sneek
in as quiet as a mouse not to wake anyone....
quietly slipping into bed with my ears ringing
and numbness felt thru out my body.

I do miss all the fun stuff but not the con-
sequences that followed afterwards.

Today, i free from all that drama...Thank my HP.

Thanks for letting me share.

mertyl

i know how angry i used to get the morning after, when i realized how much i drank and drove home. Or realized that i had a roadie in the cup holder.
these are things we know logically we cant do. But that voice in our heads and the genie in the bottle say its ok! go ahead! u are indestructible.
well, i know that is not the case. I am thankful that i never killed anyone. or myself, no matter how much at that moment i was feeling helpless and that i had nothing to go on for.
i can see the morning after. and it feels better going to work in the morning without a headache or the shakes. without being exhausted by noon, and needing a drink to "straighten" out at the end of the day.

thanks sharon for making me reflect on this
mertyl

Peace Out

Thanks!!!

Peace Out

UnusedPortion

For me it was "I can get through the stress of life with the family tonight, we can all have fun and I can relax if I get that whiskey before school lets out, they won't know"

Then I'd blackout right after the kids were asleep and wake up after my husband took them to school and went to work, remembering the argument my husband started over the drinking. And that I just thought I'd finish with the harsher words...and try to find the hidden car keys to get more!

We all have to see our way out of our bar, our house, our closet, our hiding place.

NEEDTOBESOBER

I admit I miss the fun and socialization there was in bars , getting drunk laughing but don't miss what came afterwards, either the hangovers or waking up in jail from the DWI's I got or remembering the stupid things I did or said at least the parts I could remember, or waking up needed to have a drink to control the shakes and whether I was drinking out at a bar or at home, don't miss the fighting with my husband over my drinking.

bob123

As everytime I drunk I blacked out and ended up in a drunken mess somewhere , with complete disregard for myself or family.. with such guilt,paranoia and despair ... I dont miss any of the fun.(but im not complacent...cant be)

mertyl

what really kicks me in the a@$% is we see all of this now. The arguments that were started were never my fault! I always felt like i should yell back because i wasnt wrong for being drunk again. (oh, how i wish we could hit rewind).
all the turmoil and tormenting and fighting. how much trouble i could have saved those who loved me by stepping back and trying to take control or at least admitting i had no control.
but now, i am not going to sit here and stew. I am aware of these things and that this site is for recovery. Not to dwell.

have a great sober day
mertyl