Thank You
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 6
Thank You
Hello, my name is Kelly, and I am an ACOA, and...now...married(almost 15 yrs) to an alcoholic. My son Ryan(MissesNormalDad) has been posting here. I found this site several weeks ago, joined, but never posted. Ryan found my membership in my email box one afternoon when I asked him to check my box. He took it upon himself to join and share some of our story. I am proud of him for coming here and having the strength to do that.
I just wanted to thank all of you who have said such kind and supportive words to him. He is such a great kid and my heart breaks every day that he is dealing with so much pain. I never wanted this for my children. I know all too well the pain this disease causes.
Things have been very difficult here and I am at my breaking point. I just don't know where to go or what to do? I have a 6-week old baby girl, a 2-yr old, and as some of you have met... my wonderful 14 yr old son. I am a SAHM and am fully dependent on my husband financially. It is a scary place to be. Needless to say...I am VERY depressed and extremely anxious too! It is difficult to think about anything but the issues in my home at this moment, let alone the thought of picking up and leaving with nothing. I feel so badly like running away from this miserable/chaotic place we call HOME.
Anyhow...that is not a very good intro. I hope to share more of my story and get to know some of you here as well.
Kelly
I just wanted to thank all of you who have said such kind and supportive words to him. He is such a great kid and my heart breaks every day that he is dealing with so much pain. I never wanted this for my children. I know all too well the pain this disease causes.
Things have been very difficult here and I am at my breaking point. I just don't know where to go or what to do? I have a 6-week old baby girl, a 2-yr old, and as some of you have met... my wonderful 14 yr old son. I am a SAHM and am fully dependent on my husband financially. It is a scary place to be. Needless to say...I am VERY depressed and extremely anxious too! It is difficult to think about anything but the issues in my home at this moment, let alone the thought of picking up and leaving with nothing. I feel so badly like running away from this miserable/chaotic place we call HOME.
Anyhow...that is not a very good intro. I hope to share more of my story and get to know some of you here as well.
Kelly
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Welcome Kelly..... We are so glad you decided to post hon.
First off let me tell you .... YOU ARE NOT A SHAM....
You have been severly effected by the disease of Alcoholism, I would say that anyone that has been able to do what your doing for as long should be given a medal hon.
I can relate to how stuck you feel.... but you have to know your not alone in this. You did not cause this to happen, you can not control it and you can not cure it. What you can do is start getting help for you and your children. You can start by reading the stickies at the top, posting here and realizing that its not you.... You are pretty wonderful person with a really hard disease to deal with and you have probably been trying to do it all alone. I personally used theraphy (lots of it) read everything I can on the disease and went to Al-anon... I can say enough good about having the face to face support of the people in Al-anon. Your wonderful son could also go to Al-teen for that same support and tools needed to effectively deal with this disease.
Please keep posting, venting, whatever you need to do here so we can get to know you and help you through all this. Your not alone in this.
First off let me tell you .... YOU ARE NOT A SHAM....
You have been severly effected by the disease of Alcoholism, I would say that anyone that has been able to do what your doing for as long should be given a medal hon.
I can relate to how stuck you feel.... but you have to know your not alone in this. You did not cause this to happen, you can not control it and you can not cure it. What you can do is start getting help for you and your children. You can start by reading the stickies at the top, posting here and realizing that its not you.... You are pretty wonderful person with a really hard disease to deal with and you have probably been trying to do it all alone. I personally used theraphy (lots of it) read everything I can on the disease and went to Al-anon... I can say enough good about having the face to face support of the people in Al-anon. Your wonderful son could also go to Al-teen for that same support and tools needed to effectively deal with this disease.
Please keep posting, venting, whatever you need to do here so we can get to know you and help you through all this. Your not alone in this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 6
Oh gosh...I should have explained the SAHM thing...it stands for 'stay at home mom'...sorry! lol I'm a stay at home mom.
Equus: Thank you!
Cynay: Oh your words made me cry. It just feels so good to read them. Thank you. I will keep posting.
Equus: Thank you!
Cynay: Oh your words made me cry. It just feels so good to read them. Thank you. I will keep posting.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Hi there, Kelly. Glad you've found us. And Ryan too.
I know it doesn't seem like it at the moment, but breaking point is actually not a bad place to be. I know I only made decisions to improve my lot when I reached that point. Or the several that I've had in the past few years.
Hope you post and read lots. The sticky posts at the top have loads of good info. Codependent No More is a great book and al-anon meetings were a real help too, as was counselling.
And if you can't motivate change for yourself, then perhaps for the kids?
I know it doesn't seem like it at the moment, but breaking point is actually not a bad place to be. I know I only made decisions to improve my lot when I reached that point. Or the several that I've had in the past few years.
Hope you post and read lots. The sticky posts at the top have loads of good info. Codependent No More is a great book and al-anon meetings were a real help too, as was counselling.
And if you can't motivate change for yourself, then perhaps for the kids?
Occasional poor taste poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
I got it Kelly... (s. a. h. m.) Even though I have dyslexic moments! 
Welcome to SR and pull up a chair, (in your spare time).
I'm an ACOA and found myself married to an alcoholic later in life. Are you getting support? Meetings, therapy?
Welcome to SR and pull up a chair, (in your spare time).
I'm an ACOA and found myself married to an alcoholic later in life. Are you getting support? Meetings, therapy?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Hi Kelly, welcome!
I was running errands this morning and found myself thinking of Ryan and hoping he would continue to post. Just what a great kid he is comes through on both forums. I think what touched me most was his sharing about his weight. It reminded me of my brother when he was in high school. He's a keeper!
You are in a great place for support and understanding. I have met so many people in my Al-Anon groups who are ACOA who married alcoholics.
Glad you are here - keep posting.
I was running errands this morning and found myself thinking of Ryan and hoping he would continue to post. Just what a great kid he is comes through on both forums. I think what touched me most was his sharing about his weight. It reminded me of my brother when he was in high school. He's a keeper!
You are in a great place for support and understanding. I have met so many people in my Al-Anon groups who are ACOA who married alcoholics.
Glad you are here - keep posting.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Welcome Kelly
You did a wonderful job at raising that great son of your's.
I hope you find many answers here. SR is filled with so many kind hearted people that understand what you are going through...because they went through it or are going through it themself. Your not alone.
PS
What a beautiful baby.
You are beautiful as well.
You did a wonderful job at raising that great son of your's.
I hope you find many answers here. SR is filled with so many kind hearted people that understand what you are going through...because they went through it or are going through it themself. Your not alone.
PS
What a beautiful baby.
You are beautiful as well.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Arizona
Posts: 928
Hi there Kelly -
I'm so glad you (and your son Ryan) have joined our happy little family...
I know it is scary but there is hope for you..
Most Alanon meetings have free babysitting..also people can also bring their children to the meetings if no babysitting.
here's the link to the Wisconsin Alanon website: http://www.area61afg.org/Index.html
Glad you are here...love your picture..both you and your child are beautiful.
I'm so glad you (and your son Ryan) have joined our happy little family...
I know it is scary but there is hope for you..
Most Alanon meetings have free babysitting..also people can also bring their children to the meetings if no babysitting.
here's the link to the Wisconsin Alanon website: http://www.area61afg.org/Index.html
Glad you are here...love your picture..both you and your child are beautiful.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 6
breaking point
Originally Posted by minnie
Hi there, Kelly. Glad you've found us. And Ryan too.
I know it doesn't seem like it at the moment, but breaking point is actually not a bad place to be. I know I only made decisions to improve my lot when I reached that point. Or the several that I've had in the past few years.
I know it doesn't seem like it at the moment, but breaking point is actually not a bad place to be. I know I only made decisions to improve my lot when I reached that point. Or the several that I've had in the past few years.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 6
Thank you all for your kind words here.
My husband came home around 1 last night. He was drunk. Smelled awful. I kicked him out of our bed. My 2-yr old was snuggling in there with me, and I just wanted to get a few good hours of sleep before my baby woke for her next nursing.
Ryan and I were worried about him as usual. It seems as though life cannot move forward unless we know that he is ok. I worry myself so much to the point that I feel physically sick.
A little history...My husband injured himself on the job a few years ago. He has since had 2 back surgeries and is now working in a position that accomodates his physical restrictions. He has always been a drinker- though...not as bad as he is today. He takes lots of different medications(narcotics/benzo's are a few), and his drunk is 100% different because of it. Part of me thinks that he doesn't want to get better because he likes the high of the medications along with the drink. He rely's solely on the meds, and really hasn't done a lot to make changes in his life to help his back get better; I guess that is why I think that he doesn't want to get better. He has been told that smoking is bad for his back, yet he continues to smoke. He has been told to start a walking program for his back and he hasn't. I just don't know anymore. I do know that I am living with a COMPLETELY different man than I was a few years ago. The meds and alcohol are really doing a number on him. He's just not thinking clear anymore. It makes me sad to see him like this, but at the same time...I am so angry. Is it possible to love and hate someone? If so...I am there.
I have started bringing my family to church on Sunday's. My husband has come along every time. Today we have a lunch date scheduled with the pastor and his wife. His wife came out to our home to pray with me when we had a crisis here a few weeks back(police were called...husband left for several days). They know a little bit of what is going on in our family, so I am hoping for some help/counsel from them. After last night though...I want nothing more than to cancel the lunch. I am so angry and the thought of sitting with him at lunch with the pastor just doesn't seem "genuine". I feel as though I am "making" him do it. And I think I'm finally "getting it" that I cannot make him do anything. That is the hardest thing for me. I want so badly to control everything in my life.
My husband came home around 1 last night. He was drunk. Smelled awful. I kicked him out of our bed. My 2-yr old was snuggling in there with me, and I just wanted to get a few good hours of sleep before my baby woke for her next nursing.
Ryan and I were worried about him as usual. It seems as though life cannot move forward unless we know that he is ok. I worry myself so much to the point that I feel physically sick.
A little history...My husband injured himself on the job a few years ago. He has since had 2 back surgeries and is now working in a position that accomodates his physical restrictions. He has always been a drinker- though...not as bad as he is today. He takes lots of different medications(narcotics/benzo's are a few), and his drunk is 100% different because of it. Part of me thinks that he doesn't want to get better because he likes the high of the medications along with the drink. He rely's solely on the meds, and really hasn't done a lot to make changes in his life to help his back get better; I guess that is why I think that he doesn't want to get better. He has been told that smoking is bad for his back, yet he continues to smoke. He has been told to start a walking program for his back and he hasn't. I just don't know anymore. I do know that I am living with a COMPLETELY different man than I was a few years ago. The meds and alcohol are really doing a number on him. He's just not thinking clear anymore. It makes me sad to see him like this, but at the same time...I am so angry. Is it possible to love and hate someone? If so...I am there.
I have started bringing my family to church on Sunday's. My husband has come along every time. Today we have a lunch date scheduled with the pastor and his wife. His wife came out to our home to pray with me when we had a crisis here a few weeks back(police were called...husband left for several days). They know a little bit of what is going on in our family, so I am hoping for some help/counsel from them. After last night though...I want nothing more than to cancel the lunch. I am so angry and the thought of sitting with him at lunch with the pastor just doesn't seem "genuine". I feel as though I am "making" him do it. And I think I'm finally "getting it" that I cannot make him do anything. That is the hardest thing for me. I want so badly to control everything in my life.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 62
hey kelly. im ashley. im 15 and my moms an alcoholic. i can somewhat relate to what ur saying about u never wanted this life for ur kids. My dad says that all the time to my little sisters and me. I talked to your son ryan earlier and hes a really cool kid. well just wanted to wish u the best of luck. My dad just recently told our pastor about my mom. He is really understanding and they are here for those kind of things, just like consleurs and alateen, alanon.
Take Care
Ashley
Take Care
Ashley
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
When i could do for myself anymore and my disease was literally killing me, my family did an intervention on me.
Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.
When i returned home from a night out at a bar my spouse and i had a horrible arguement. When it was over, i just told him that maybe i should just end my life. Well he thought that was non sense and told me to go to bed....as soon as he left i took a hand full of pills and down them with alcohol. Then off to bed i went with the intensions of ending my miserable life.
the next morning my 2 little ones, then 4 and 6 tried to wake me for their last day of vacation bible school but failed. Then i heard this faint ringing of the phone next to my bed. Still very numb, almost paralyzed feeling i reached for the phone....today i believe it was my HP calling me to get up because He wasnt thru with me yet.
Anyway...it was my mother-in-law calling to find out where i was with the kids....well my speech was slurred as i tried to explain to her what i had done...well she was screaming for me to get out of bed NOW...i hung up and was scared to death....i managed to get up and stagger to the bathroom where i forced myself to throw up the pills in my system....
Before i knew it my husband was home from work trying to haul me to the car to take me to the hospital to get my stomach pumped. I fought him tooth and nail as i refused. by that time i was ok and knew what what going on.
Still the family knew i tried to end my life and what were they suppose to do....
So things had gotten quiet thinking they left me alone....little did i know what was going on. Moments later i found 2 officers had arrived with my husband and father-in-law there. I was to be escorted to the "nut ward"...I was sooo scared as i begged them to leave me alone and i would never do that again....we it was out of my hands as the officers told me to go alone quietly or else they would have to forcably remove me...
See my family was doing for me what i couldnt do for myself....
I went willingly as i passed my husband and father-in law with hatred in my voice and daggers in my eyes.... i told them i HATED THEM and off i was placed in the back of a handlest police car.
There i sat, humiliated, angry, disgusted, scared....how could they do that to me? And off i went....the first night and next day i went thru test to see if i was sane or not...i did pass all the test and they came up with the conclussion that i had a problem with alcohol and thus was sent upstairs to the Silkworth Dept that delt with the disease of alcoholism.
There i stayed 28 days recieving the tools of recovery and how to stay sober one day at a time.
Let me add something...after the first 2 weks was over i was suppose to be released, but the councilors knew i wasnt going to stay sober. so they wanted to send me to a halfway house out of state. I refused and thus a deal was made so i could stay 28 days there and upon relaease to begin a 6 week intensive outpataint aftercare program..in which i did so i could return home to my family.
I had the desire and willingness to go to any lengths to stay sober no matter what..
Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.
When i returned home from a night out at a bar my spouse and i had a horrible arguement. When it was over, i just told him that maybe i should just end my life. Well he thought that was non sense and told me to go to bed....as soon as he left i took a hand full of pills and down them with alcohol. Then off to bed i went with the intensions of ending my miserable life.
the next morning my 2 little ones, then 4 and 6 tried to wake me for their last day of vacation bible school but failed. Then i heard this faint ringing of the phone next to my bed. Still very numb, almost paralyzed feeling i reached for the phone....today i believe it was my HP calling me to get up because He wasnt thru with me yet.
Anyway...it was my mother-in-law calling to find out where i was with the kids....well my speech was slurred as i tried to explain to her what i had done...well she was screaming for me to get out of bed NOW...i hung up and was scared to death....i managed to get up and stagger to the bathroom where i forced myself to throw up the pills in my system....
Before i knew it my husband was home from work trying to haul me to the car to take me to the hospital to get my stomach pumped. I fought him tooth and nail as i refused. by that time i was ok and knew what what going on.
Still the family knew i tried to end my life and what were they suppose to do....
So things had gotten quiet thinking they left me alone....little did i know what was going on. Moments later i found 2 officers had arrived with my husband and father-in-law there. I was to be escorted to the "nut ward"...I was sooo scared as i begged them to leave me alone and i would never do that again....we it was out of my hands as the officers told me to go alone quietly or else they would have to forcably remove me...
See my family was doing for me what i couldnt do for myself....
I went willingly as i passed my husband and father-in law with hatred in my voice and daggers in my eyes.... i told them i HATED THEM and off i was placed in the back of a handlest police car.
There i sat, humiliated, angry, disgusted, scared....how could they do that to me? And off i went....the first night and next day i went thru test to see if i was sane or not...i did pass all the test and they came up with the conclussion that i had a problem with alcohol and thus was sent upstairs to the Silkworth Dept that delt with the disease of alcoholism.
There i stayed 28 days recieving the tools of recovery and how to stay sober one day at a time.
Let me add something...after the first 2 weks was over i was suppose to be released, but the councilors knew i wasnt going to stay sober. so they wanted to send me to a halfway house out of state. I refused and thus a deal was made so i could stay 28 days there and upon relaease to begin a 6 week intensive outpataint aftercare program..in which i did so i could return home to my family.
I had the desire and willingness to go to any lengths to stay sober no matter what..
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