A Request for advice: Insurance dropping for A
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Lost in NC
Posts: 416
A Request for advice: Insurance dropping for A
Soon my divorce will be official. Per the terms of my separation aggreement, I will carry my wife on my medical insurance policy, family plan, until the divorce is final.
That time is almost up. I talked with my insurance agent to try to make sure my wife, STBXW, will be able to pick up health coverage through her own policy. If her coverage drops, the insurance companies will qualify her coverage concerning preexisting conditions. ( I.e., Mental health, substance abuse, her ankle.) Plus it sounds like irregardless, they may price the coverage so high so high it makes it rediculous to have it. They only want to insure healthy people!!!!!!
My question. For the next few weeks she still has coverage. Should I try to talk to her parents/family again about doing an intervention. That way the insurance would help pay for the treatment if they could get her to go. Also, if she needs any additional work done on her injured ankle, it should be done now, before the coverage lapses.
Remember, she has run off with her rehab lover since May. No contact with anyone. We all know where she is, who she is with......so she could be found and or contacted if her parents wished to do so.
Or......do you just leave the addict alone? Let her face her consequences?
I want to do the right thing!!
That time is almost up. I talked with my insurance agent to try to make sure my wife, STBXW, will be able to pick up health coverage through her own policy. If her coverage drops, the insurance companies will qualify her coverage concerning preexisting conditions. ( I.e., Mental health, substance abuse, her ankle.) Plus it sounds like irregardless, they may price the coverage so high so high it makes it rediculous to have it. They only want to insure healthy people!!!!!!
My question. For the next few weeks she still has coverage. Should I try to talk to her parents/family again about doing an intervention. That way the insurance would help pay for the treatment if they could get her to go. Also, if she needs any additional work done on her injured ankle, it should be done now, before the coverage lapses.
Remember, she has run off with her rehab lover since May. No contact with anyone. We all know where she is, who she is with......so she could be found and or contacted if her parents wished to do so.
Or......do you just leave the addict alone? Let her face her consequences?
I want to do the right thing!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
I would leave her alone.
Her parents are aware of her condition and what will happen
when the insurance you provide runs out.
Really Guy, it is time (well past) to let it go.....
This really isn't you business or problem.
Her parents are aware of her condition and what will happen
when the insurance you provide runs out.
Really Guy, it is time (well past) to let it go.....
This really isn't you business or problem.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
I'm assuming that your wife is over 18? And that she is soon to be your ex? I'm struggling to see how this is your responsibility.
And just perhaps, the realisation that she is up the creek without a paddle may stimulate her to seek help for herself.
And just perhaps, the realisation that she is up the creek without a paddle may stimulate her to seek help for herself.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Tough as it is guy, I say let it be.
I struggled with a similar thing. AH will have to get a life insurance policy to cover what he owes me in support. With his medical records, it's going to be nearly impossible - and what he will get will be very, very expensive. Not my worry.
I gave it a lot of thought - it really is the consequence of his behavior and choices. No consequences, no reason to change.
Good luck to you.
I struggled with a similar thing. AH will have to get a life insurance policy to cover what he owes me in support. With his medical records, it's going to be nearly impossible - and what he will get will be very, very expensive. Not my worry.
I gave it a lot of thought - it really is the consequence of his behavior and choices. No consequences, no reason to change.
Good luck to you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
guy..........her parents DO know the situation? If it was me, I would let them know, if only for my OWN peace of mind. What they do or do not do with the information is up to them. JMHO
good luck and hugs to you....it stinks!
good luck and hugs to you....it stinks!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: nor cal
Posts: 113
I am going thru the same thing. My medical insurance covers my soon to be ex. I recently found out the reason he is dragging his feet in responding to agreements is because he doesn't want to lose the insurance.
He also has pre-existing conditions which individual insurance coverage won't cover. It is really hard but I have to let it go, he is aware of the situation and I need to move on.
You really sound like a loving caring person and it is terrible to be having to go through this but you must, as it is out of your control.
Focus on your children the opportunity for a new and happier life.
He also has pre-existing conditions which individual insurance coverage won't cover. It is really hard but I have to let it go, he is aware of the situation and I need to move on.
You really sound like a loving caring person and it is terrible to be having to go through this but you must, as it is out of your control.
Focus on your children the opportunity for a new and happier life.
Occasional poor taste poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
I can tell you what I did. As soon as we were legally separated, I dropped her. Adhering to company and insurance company existing policies and regulations.
I did not notify my ex or her family. This was a result of choices she made, period. Since then she has racked up obscene hospital bills I'm sure. And the bills are not getting paid.
If she is covered under a policy in your name, you will get the bills for any uncovered portion of the expense. If you or her family pay the bills, this would be enabling and continue to cushion her from her bottom.
I did not notify my ex or her family. This was a result of choices she made, period. Since then she has racked up obscene hospital bills I'm sure. And the bills are not getting paid.
If she is covered under a policy in your name, you will get the bills for any uncovered portion of the expense. If you or her family pay the bills, this would be enabling and continue to cushion her from her bottom.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Originally Posted by mfisher
I am going thru the same thing. My medical insurance covers my soon to be ex. I recently found out the reason he is dragging his feet in responding to agreements is because he doesn't want to lose the insurance.
He also has pre-existing conditions which individual insurance coverage won't cover. It is really hard but I have to let it go, he is aware of the situation and I need to move on.
You really sound like a loving caring person and it is terrible to be having to go through this but you must, as it is out of your control.
Focus on your children the opportunity for a new and happier life.
He also has pre-existing conditions which individual insurance coverage won't cover. It is really hard but I have to let it go, he is aware of the situation and I need to move on.
You really sound like a loving caring person and it is terrible to be having to go through this but you must, as it is out of your control.
Focus on your children the opportunity for a new and happier life.
I understand how he feels.I am on the "flip" side...losing my AH's benefits (and stay-at-home mom the last 25yrs; he started up the business from scratch,originally out of our home). I am on his Cobra for another 12 months then S.O.L., I guess. Thninking about this right now and what I need to be doing about it. Funny, that IS AH's line of work!
(Kids will be of age they loose their coverage about then,too...one has)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Such Heart... Love that about you.
If it were me I would probably give the parents the date the insurance ends and leave it at that.
That way you can feel comfortable you did what you could "reasonably" do and feel better and the parents can do what they want. This really is her issue and you should not be in a position of debt because of her choices.
If it were me I would probably give the parents the date the insurance ends and leave it at that.
That way you can feel comfortable you did what you could "reasonably" do and feel better and the parents can do what they want. This really is her issue and you should not be in a position of debt because of her choices.
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
Hi Guy!
I can see you are growing
Recovery-wise:
I would let her drop off the policy and not contact anyone. She is an adult and you are not her insurance agent or parent. Its not your responsibility or obligation to be sure she knows her coverage is dropping.
One could even argue that notifying anyone that now would be the time to intervene would be controling..(If you want any help, youd better do it now kind of thing).
Insurance-wise:
Is this group coverage with your employer or something you got on your own?
Theres a reason I ask..I just dont want to run my mouth if its not relevant to your sitch .. I work in this field..
I can see you are growing
Recovery-wise:
I would let her drop off the policy and not contact anyone. She is an adult and you are not her insurance agent or parent. Its not your responsibility or obligation to be sure she knows her coverage is dropping.
One could even argue that notifying anyone that now would be the time to intervene would be controling..(If you want any help, youd better do it now kind of thing).
Insurance-wise:
Is this group coverage with your employer or something you got on your own?
Theres a reason I ask..I just dont want to run my mouth if its not relevant to your sitch .. I work in this field..
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
When hubby split from first wife, he dropped her immediately, but kept the coverage for their daughter. She knew it, but it didn't stop her from putting hubby's name as the responsible party... and this was after the divorce was final. There was actually a time after we'd been married for several months we started getting notices from a collection agency for an "abortion" she'd had. I had to send copies of the divorce papers to prove they were no longer married at the time of her procedure.
Take care of yourself and the kids. She chose this path. Let her learn to walk it on her own.
Take care of yourself and the kids. She chose this path. Let her learn to walk it on her own.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: nor cal
Posts: 113
Originally Posted by Pick-a-name
I understand how he feels.I am on the "flip" side...losing my AH's benefits (and stay-at-home mom the last 25yrs; he started up the business from scratch,originally out of our home). I am on his Cobra for another 12 months then S.O.L., I guess. Thninking about this right now and what I need to be doing about it. Funny, that IS AH's line of work! (Kids will be of age they loose their coverage about then,too...one has)
(Kids will be of age they loose their coverage about then,too...one has)My sympathy button has been smashed by my ex ah. We were married for 23 years, he went to prison for DUI's, I lost everything and got into significant debt. The only way to save my house was to sign it over to him and his parents. When he got out of prison he sold the house and recieved $56.000.00 not giving me a dime. He purchased a truck,boat and two motorcylces and he doesn't have drivers license. All I am asking to do is pay half the debt. which is $7900.00 and the divorce can be final and all he can worry about is retaining his health insurance. Just having a real problem feeling sorry for him right now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Lost in NC
Posts: 416
Thanks Guys!
Its hard to let go when you have loved someone for so long. Plus, she will always be the mother of my children. I guess thats why I have in interest in her becoming well again. I know, its out of my hands, but I will remember the way she was, not who she has become thanks to the "demon spirits."
Elizabeth. Its a group insurance plan through my Company.
Really Guy, it is time (well past) to let it go.....
Elizabeth. Its a group insurance plan through my Company.
Occasional poor taste poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
Originally Posted by guyinNC
Plus, she will always be the mother of my children. I guess thats why I have in interest in her becoming well again.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: nor cal
Posts: 113
It is very hard to let go and no one can tell when it is time, especially when they are the other parent to your children. Even though I know their is no hope for us to ever be together again, it is still hard to think about them sick or hurting.
A very good point was brought up about financial responsibility if they are on your group insurance. Since you are the holder of the insurance then are you or in my case am I responsible the share of cost on medical bills?
I sure would hate to be responsible for his medical bills if he decides to drive his motorcyle drunk and hurts himself, which he has been known to do.
A very good point was brought up about financial responsibility if they are on your group insurance. Since you are the holder of the insurance then are you or in my case am I responsible the share of cost on medical bills?
I sure would hate to be responsible for his medical bills if he decides to drive his motorcyle drunk and hurts himself, which he has been known to do.
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
Elizabeth. Its a group insurance plan through my Company.
Hugs Guy..its getting better!
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
It sounds to me Guy that you are a very caring person and caring about her future well being.
But also, as was mentioned, I doubt that letting her know now that the coverage is about to expire would really change anything. If she was having that much trouble with her ankle or anything, she'd have already had the surgery. As for the alcoholism, well, that's obviously not something she's willing to try to have fixed either at this point in time.
You've truly been there for this woman Guy. At least it seems that way from where I'm sitting. You've offered her yourself, your love, your forgiveness, your help, your caring, and much more. There is no need for you to feel that you have to throw out that life line to her one more time. She's not yours to rescue, she has to rescue herself.
I think that in wanting to do that just one more time by contacting her parents or whoever to let her know about the insurance, it just seems to me one more attempt at "Giving her that one last chance". I know that I've done that "one last chance" thing way more times than I should've and often times, I really didn't even realize that it was just an act of me still hoping and caring that set it off.
As was said already.....It really is past time for you to let her go. Find a happy life for YOU and your kids.
((((Guy))))
But also, as was mentioned, I doubt that letting her know now that the coverage is about to expire would really change anything. If she was having that much trouble with her ankle or anything, she'd have already had the surgery. As for the alcoholism, well, that's obviously not something she's willing to try to have fixed either at this point in time.
You've truly been there for this woman Guy. At least it seems that way from where I'm sitting. You've offered her yourself, your love, your forgiveness, your help, your caring, and much more. There is no need for you to feel that you have to throw out that life line to her one more time. She's not yours to rescue, she has to rescue herself.
I think that in wanting to do that just one more time by contacting her parents or whoever to let her know about the insurance, it just seems to me one more attempt at "Giving her that one last chance". I know that I've done that "one last chance" thing way more times than I should've and often times, I really didn't even realize that it was just an act of me still hoping and caring that set it off.
As was said already.....It really is past time for you to let her go. Find a happy life for YOU and your kids.
((((Guy))))
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
