AussieGirl

Hello there.....I have been with my partner for the last 10 years and have questioned over time whether she is alcoholic or not.....I was not brought up in an alcholic family and there is not all the things that people talk about, present in our lives....Daily use, violence, abuse etc...

What concerns me most is that she does not like to be alone and will drink sometimes, in the 10 years I have known her it has never been consistant, 2 days a week, nothing for 3 weeks, I year with no consumption and then 4 days in a row....she does not drink and drive, never misses work, does an immense amount of housework in the house, especially when drinking but is highly organised even when she's not, and is very very attentive to me....

Where my concern comes in is that she is not happy with the consumption and neither am I....and I have been through the range of emotions and responses...from care and support to anger!! I get most angry when she pees the bed....or when her whole demina changes and she is slower in her responses or sensitive....

I am really new to talking about this stuff...so I thought I would express a little..

bye now

Stephanie

Hi Aussiegirl,

Welcome to the recovery forums. I don't know if I'm real clear about what you're asking but it seems that her drinking has become a problem for the two of you. Alcoholism effects everyone in it's path, not just the one drinking. And although you say her drinking is sporadic at present, alcoholism is a progressive disease. It only gets worse and the consumption increases.

I think you're say Inga that you're both unhappy about it, but in order for her to stop drinking she has to want to do something about it. That's the only way she will stop, if she really wants to. What we can do is focus on ourselves and our own reaction to the drinking. I started doing that by setting some pretty clear boundaries about what was acceptable to me and what wasn't. Stick around the Alanon board. There's a lot of support and wisdom here. Also try reading posts on the Naranon board as well. I posted an article in the Newcomers Forum Called Am I an Alcoholic. You may want to take a look at it.

constant

Welcome!

I will tell you what someone told me one of the first post that I ever made, because I too was unsure. My husband is a "binger" usaully in 2-3 week cycles. The advice that I was given was if it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck, it is a duck. I have found that is a true statement.

If she wants to work on her recovery you could suggest AA, but if she isn't willing to, work on yourself! Check out al-anon and keep coming here. We talk about all kinds of things that we experience with our situations and relationships. Read some of the old post, there is lots of info there.

Constant

AussieGirl

Thanks for the replies...She is willing to get help, we just need to find a meeting in our area and will go on sunday....I think we will go to AA together initialy and then she can continue after that....

thanks again

EmotionalMeg

Sometimes, it has been my experience that one may NOT be an alcoholic (in it's definition), but that they may be one who uses alcohol as a coping device... perhaps their mind and body has just not developed an addiction to the substance. For example; I have a good friend who in recent times has gotten a divorce, and has become very overweight. Both of these issues for her have been major emotional battles. She found that by getting drunk, she could not only hide those feelings away but also she was able to attract attention - mind you it was usually the WRONG type - which made her feel like she was worthy... Of course, my friend, once she realized what she was doing, was able to stop the drinking and the behaviors that resulted from it. An alcoholic, on the other hand, does not usually have the ability to "turn off" the desire to drink; no matter what is a stake... It will more often than not, take many sessions of recovery along with a true desire to "help" themselves, in order for an alcoholic to find sobriety... It is such a lifetime struggle for them. Now, I am in NO way an expert in this field... I welcome others to provide a more educated response... I guess us "loved ones" just figure WE ARE experts LOL.
I know that there are certainly different types of alcoholics... perhaps your partner IS addicted, I don't know?? I guess only you and she need to find the answer. But coming here is a GREAT way of expressing all the emotions you are feeling. The "anger" and resentment for instance is a favorite of mine... I still catch myself saying (in my head) "how can he be so selfish, and stupid!? doesn't he know what he is doing to ME and his family?!"... when the truth is that NONE of it is purposeful and in a malicious attempt to destroy us. That is just how it FEELS.
There are wonderful people here... keep coming back...
Meg

AussieGirl

Thanks Meg and those who read and/or responded...It makes me so mad to come home and be told that no alchohol was consumed and then to be told ten min later "yes, I did a little!!" The amount of alchohol does not make me crazy and really mad it's the lie associated with it....I have no concept of why the lying is so rampent in some ways and of course I understand lying is a way to avoid conflict for her!! But she knows me really well and knows that I become insensed with the lying!!

Anyway thanks for listening

bye now