Deciding what we Accept Career-wise
Acting not reacting
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
Deciding what we Accept Career-wise
Ok, so while reading LOLG, I have once again begun to ponder my career situation...
What does everyone think about being in an intolerable working environment that:
I am affected negatively by and I find unacceptable, and I don't want to do anymore?
Is that different than leaving a relationship that..
I am affected negatively by and I find unacceptable, and I dont want to be in anymore?
If I stay in this sitch that is not good for me, it would be bc I feel like they lean on my presence, need me here, I couldnt do any better, and would be SOL if I left.
Those are the same reasons I stayed with my ex..until I left..and overcame those fears and irrational thinkings.
So by my math, Im thinking that either I am making healthy choices in my life and proactively choosing the life I want with friends, lovers, etc. -Why would it be different at work?
Thoughts, anyone?
What does everyone think about being in an intolerable working environment that:
I am affected negatively by and I find unacceptable, and I don't want to do anymore?
Is that different than leaving a relationship that..
I am affected negatively by and I find unacceptable, and I dont want to be in anymore?
If I stay in this sitch that is not good for me, it would be bc I feel like they lean on my presence, need me here, I couldnt do any better, and would be SOL if I left.
Those are the same reasons I stayed with my ex..until I left..and overcame those fears and irrational thinkings.
So by my math, Im thinking that either I am making healthy choices in my life and proactively choosing the life I want with friends, lovers, etc. -Why would it be different at work?
Thoughts, anyone?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
I am in the same place you are right now.
I know I need to make a career move, I have stayed way
toooo long where I am now.
This job is a lot like my previous relationship when you think about it.
I am doing what is comfortable, complaining about it and
just dealing with it....
Only difference between this job and my old relationship is...
I actually get money out of this one....lol
Seriously good topic and believe me making me think....again.
I know I need to make a career move, I have stayed way
toooo long where I am now.
This job is a lot like my previous relationship when you think about it.
I am doing what is comfortable, complaining about it and
just dealing with it....
Only difference between this job and my old relationship is...
I actually get money out of this one....lol
Seriously good topic and believe me making me think....again.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Arizona
Posts: 928
It's not any different Sarah..
Part of the reason that I have not gone back to work any sooner (then starting my new job next week) is that I was NOT going to go into a work situation that I can tell was toxic...
So I waited...
Irony is that one of the calls I got was from the area I was in last year..I politely told the recruiter that it was a difficult environment to be in..
For me...I'm taking this contract in a different group as a short term situation to make money...I like the people but it's not what I want to do forever.
Today I am all about finding a career (not a job) that fulfills me in every way...
I know what I need to do, I just need to get off my lazy butt and start my own company...
anyway...You are on the right track. It's not good to stay in any toxic situation.
Part of the reason that I have not gone back to work any sooner (then starting my new job next week) is that I was NOT going to go into a work situation that I can tell was toxic...
So I waited...
Irony is that one of the calls I got was from the area I was in last year..I politely told the recruiter that it was a difficult environment to be in..
For me...I'm taking this contract in a different group as a short term situation to make money...I like the people but it's not what I want to do forever.
Today I am all about finding a career (not a job) that fulfills me in every way...
I know what I need to do, I just need to get off my lazy butt and start my own company...
anyway...You are on the right track. It's not good to stay in any toxic situation.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Arizona
Posts: 928
oh yeah..another comment...
I know for me..I spent so much time and energy in toxic love relationships that it wasnt' until I was out of them and able to concentrate on me and my life - that I could see what I was doing in my career wasn't a good fit either...
All good recovery Sarah...
I know for me..I spent so much time and energy in toxic love relationships that it wasnt' until I was out of them and able to concentrate on me and my life - that I could see what I was doing in my career wasn't a good fit either...
All good recovery Sarah...
Acting not reacting
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
I know for me..I spent so much time and energy in toxic love relationships that it wasnt' until I was out of them and able to concentrate on me and my life - that I could see what I was doing in my career wasn't a good fit either...
I am doing what is comfortable, complaining about it and
just dealing with it....
just dealing with it....
I need to remind myself that I do have options, choices, and my happiness professionally is up to me, just like in any other arena. Its that old feeling of feeling obligated to please others that has snuck back in, just in a different area.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: NC
Posts: 240
Maybe OT a little but something strange happend to me at work today. I'm a nurse and work on a floor that mainly has patient's that are rehabing from (hip, knee surgery or general debilitation) and I do the medicare reimbursement and help on the floor with patient care as needed. My highest up boss is a speech pathologist but is the administrative director of two floors Rehab and Restorative care (where I work). Then there's an in-between boss (director of nursing) as they need one by law. All other floors adm. directors are nurses except ours. Well, the current director of nursing is leaving after 1yr, she's my second in command boss.
No one has ever lasted in that position more than two years. It's hard to be a director of nursing but have to answer to a speech pathologist who is the adm. director. Hope I haven't confused you yet. Any who she's not leaving on the best of terms...no one in that position has (big power struggle). all this time I thought the DON had my back so to speak. Everyone became aware of the fact that my AH was in rehab in Feb but all I seemed to get were prayers and well wishes. Well, apparently my name came up to take over her position that she's leaving (don't want it, never did) and she apparently tells the adm. director who is aware of my personal circumstances that I'm a "mess" and on all kinds of psych drugs etc. etc. this gets back to me from a nurse who I was real good friends with but whom I've since distanced myself from because she is a heavy drinker, very codie (we fed off of eachother). We still talk a bit. She knows I attend alanon, my husband is sober 6months (she hates him) go figure? She's even mentioned that I seem to look and feel better. Meanwhile, her life is falling apart around her and I try to help by suggesting reading codependant no more. Before she started hating my AH, he went over and tried to talk to her about her drinking (which she mentioned to me several times is a concern of hers.) She started hating him after that and after he found out she was having an affair. So what do I make of all of this.
To me it seems people are judging my personal situation, talking behind my back about it etc, etc. All I do is go in work and come home.
I'm almost thinking that the "friend" who brought me this info is trying to stir the pot because she see's I've changed and her life is out of control.
At first I was soooo angry. Like a true codie, I didn't like that there may be people at work that don't like me or judge me based on my personal problems. I was ready to call this one, that one, and the other one defending myself and then I took a deep breath and thought "does it really matter?" You can't control what people say about you and if you react you'll only confirm the fact that they think you're crazy. So, I've let it go. But, really is this world full of codies???
No one has ever lasted in that position more than two years. It's hard to be a director of nursing but have to answer to a speech pathologist who is the adm. director. Hope I haven't confused you yet. Any who she's not leaving on the best of terms...no one in that position has (big power struggle). all this time I thought the DON had my back so to speak. Everyone became aware of the fact that my AH was in rehab in Feb but all I seemed to get were prayers and well wishes. Well, apparently my name came up to take over her position that she's leaving (don't want it, never did) and she apparently tells the adm. director who is aware of my personal circumstances that I'm a "mess" and on all kinds of psych drugs etc. etc. this gets back to me from a nurse who I was real good friends with but whom I've since distanced myself from because she is a heavy drinker, very codie (we fed off of eachother). We still talk a bit. She knows I attend alanon, my husband is sober 6months (she hates him) go figure? She's even mentioned that I seem to look and feel better. Meanwhile, her life is falling apart around her and I try to help by suggesting reading codependant no more. Before she started hating my AH, he went over and tried to talk to her about her drinking (which she mentioned to me several times is a concern of hers.) She started hating him after that and after he found out she was having an affair. So what do I make of all of this.
To me it seems people are judging my personal situation, talking behind my back about it etc, etc. All I do is go in work and come home.
I'm almost thinking that the "friend" who brought me this info is trying to stir the pot because she see's I've changed and her life is out of control.
At first I was soooo angry. Like a true codie, I didn't like that there may be people at work that don't like me or judge me based on my personal problems. I was ready to call this one, that one, and the other one defending myself and then I took a deep breath and thought "does it really matter?" You can't control what people say about you and if you react you'll only confirm the fact that they think you're crazy. So, I've let it go. But, really is this world full of codies???
Acting not reacting
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
But, really is this world full of codies???
Pmaslan, I think I am just fed up with the situation internally with this company, and would not necessarily leave the area, that would really depend on which competitors offered and showed interest, which I believe more than the one would.
I think staying here is the same self-defeating behavior I acted out with D..I think its time to re-group, recovery-wise.
I would also hate for a bad move to be disguised as a good one, only bc I want out of this situation so badly.
I cant really afford to not work while I get heatlhier..and by not really afford, I mean, absolutely cant afford!
Bummer...
Make any sense?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
On a positive side - you can look for your next job while at your current job while you can't look for your next partner while with your current partner (of course who would WANT to!) Probably sounds stupid but I thought it was cute LOL!
Seriously, if you are unhappy and in a toxic environment then I'd say yes it is definitely time to move on. I was also taught you don't give up a job until you have another one (like you I kinda like to eat and survive) but no job is worth making you crazy!
As for feeling like you're letting them down and they'd fall down without you I had to be reminded that I just wasn't THAT important, that they had been in business before they ever heard of me and likely would continue on just fine when I was gone. Ouch.
Do what you feel is best for you. After all, most of us spend more time at work and with co-workers than we do at home so why in the world would we want to spend all that time in a toxic environment?
Hugs,
Kellye
Seriously, if you are unhappy and in a toxic environment then I'd say yes it is definitely time to move on. I was also taught you don't give up a job until you have another one (like you I kinda like to eat and survive) but no job is worth making you crazy!
As for feeling like you're letting them down and they'd fall down without you I had to be reminded that I just wasn't THAT important, that they had been in business before they ever heard of me and likely would continue on just fine when I was gone. Ouch.
Do what you feel is best for you. After all, most of us spend more time at work and with co-workers than we do at home so why in the world would we want to spend all that time in a toxic environment?
Hugs,
Kellye
Acting not reacting
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
that they had been in business before they ever heard of me and likely would continue on just fine when I was gone.
I have some "feelers" out and will see what comes of it..if nothing comes of it, maybe I will just go back to school. I used to always say I would go to law school.
All the defending of others poor actions I did in the past, perhaps was useful practice for a new career!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
Ahhh law school that was my fathers choice for me...lol
My moms was for me to be an interior decorator...
I wanted to be a psychologist...Here I am in real estate
go figure!!!!!
If you can afford to do it by all means go back to school!
You are so young Sarah....it's not too late to do brain surgery!!!!! LOL
My moms was for me to be an interior decorator...
I wanted to be a psychologist...Here I am in real estate
go figure!!!!!
If you can afford to do it by all means go back to school!
You are so young Sarah....it's not too late to do brain surgery!!!!! LOL
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
I knew that comment would bring on some more comments...lol
At this point with 2 kids nearing college I am not in a financial
position to make any changes....
Now when they are out of college that is a different story...
It is hard to change things mid stream...it can be done it is just
difficult when others depend on you financially.
At this point with 2 kids nearing college I am not in a financial
position to make any changes....
Now when they are out of college that is a different story...
It is hard to change things mid stream...it can be done it is just
difficult when others depend on you financially.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Originally Posted by pmaslan
I knew that comment would bring on some more comments...lol
At this point with 2 kids nearing college I am not in a financial
position to make any changes....
Now when they are out of college that is a different story...
It is hard to change things mid stream...it can be done it is just
difficult when others depend on you financially.
At this point with 2 kids nearing college I am not in a financial
position to make any changes....
Now when they are out of college that is a different story...
It is hard to change things mid stream...it can be done it is just
difficult when others depend on you financially.
as pmaslan would say: hmmmmmmm
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