OnceNice

Okay, day 6. First, I just want to punch my bosses in the head right now. I'm so angry and crabby already and they just make it worse. Anger seems to be my biggest issue during these first couple of days. No other emotion but that. I can't tell you the terrible horrible thoughts I'm thinking. Everytime they give me something to do my mind blurts out all kinds of evils slanderous lousy nasty things. I'm hoping I can hold on to my sanity long enough not to say it out loud.

Second is it necessary to keep count of the days. I feel like if I get to so many I win a prize. Like a drink even. I hate counting how many days I HAVEN'T HAD a drink. It makes feel like once I hit a number I'm going to fail.

Stupid questions I know. I've been on an honest roll lately. Might as well keep it up.

CarolD

Hugs Rose...see if this helps explain

http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm

Don't count or do count...it's your deal.

Good to see you posting..

Smyle

first of all congrats on making it through day 5 ..... I really do not keep count of my days, it seemed to trigger a relapse ...like I was counting my way to failing..too much pressure, but as days turned to weeks and now to months, I have a general idea...give or take....

and the anger does go away, i wanted to kill everyone i met, and somedays still get angry esp if i wake up craving drugs...but you learn to deal !!!!

great job Rose !!!!

StrongR2Day

No need to count the days at all, for some it helps, for others it doesn't. I had to look the date up around my first year anniversary and figure it out because my sponsor wanted to give me a coin. Wasn't even sure we had the right date, but we used the one I guesstimated.

someday

The only reason I remembered when I quit drinking is because I almost drank myself into a coma, followed by a weekend in the hosptial.. where I swore to myself if I lived, I'd never drink again.

NEEDTOBESOBER

I am counting days, one of the reasons I know my sobriety date and when I quit was cause I know the day I went to the Doctor for help and quit that day. 8-01-06

c'est la vie

I don't think these are stupid questions at all.

I was terribly angry at life, God, me for f*king up my life, and pretty much everyone else. I cried a whole lot too. But I don't feel that way now. I know it's hard to even see past the day you're in, but have a little faith for even a very short term future that's better.

I didn't want to count days either. I know when my last drink was so I know when my months pass (2 now), but I feel like days are too much like triggers early on.

I'm so happy to see you around again. Keep hanging on.

BigSis

Wow... I've been reading your story, OnceNice - and I am just very glad you are here TODAY. No one has any day but that, anyway. ((((OnceNice))))

Candy Scratch

You are doing so well, OnceNice, even though it doesn't feel like it. You are really inspiring me - not only with your honesty, but with your sense of humour. You have a really warm, funny, inviting "voice" when you write and I really enjoy your posts.

I think counting or not counting is up to you. I always seem to count because I can't get past a certain day and maybe that's why. Maybe this time I won't count and see what happens.

I hear that it gets much, much better, so please try to get through these horrible early days.

Hugs,
Candy Scratch

Smyle

I know you will be going home in a bit and I just wanted to say

WAY TO GO !!!!!! have a good night, I will talk with you tomorrow !!!!

~B

OnceNice

Thanks Everyone. I'm getting kinda nervous. My friend is going to one of his out patient three hour classes for not drinking tonight. I can't go to that one.
I know that I can go home and drink in peace.

I think what's really hard is just constantly thinking about it.

Where are my shakes, why am I not seeing bugs or monsters or something. Just exhausted, sweating alot and at night some headaches. Heck, I get those symptoms from work, family and just plain anything.

You all make me feel so good

I forgot to tell you all that me and my friend (rob) We each take five dollars everyday that we don't drink and put it away. So far we have 80 bucks. We are going to keep doing this and maybe go on a trip. Stupid huh?

Also, he can't drink for a year or he goes to jail. I was looking forward to doing this with him. But you guys. He's doing great. 41 days or more for him. He was put under house arrest for his first 30 days. When he got out to stay with me. I'm kinda not drinking for his sake which is wrong, even though I've been on here and in and out of AA way before I met him.

I even get kinda jealous that he is doing so good.

Since he wont be there tonight I just want to get a 42 ouncer and drink it before he comes home. Why, why

I'm a loser. Also he is way younger than me. I'm 40 and he's 26. yes we are the Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher from St. Louis. For a young guy he's great. I just don't want to bring him down. But he helps me.

I don't know. Everything is scary to me.

doorknob

Nice,

You're NOT a loser!! I think you need to do something to let some frustration out. I like to play some music really loud and sing/rap along. Ride a bike, or walk briskly, till you're good and tired. Get a punching bag. Did you ever get a computer for home?

DK

OnceNice

No, I didn't get a computer for home yet. I have always wanted a punching bag though. I'd like to tape some pictures on it. Mainly my own, but some others too. Ha.

Anna

You're doing fine and you just need to get through each day.

And, of course you don't have to count days if you don't want to. Whatever works for you is what you should do.

Smyle

I think a trip sounds like a great idea.....and you are not a loser, please do not say that about yourself......
and don't be jealous of your "ashtons" clean time, be proud and thankful you have such an understanding and inspirational guy to get through it with.

smac

Hi Once Nice,
Im new here, I'm on my 7th or 8th day, I try not to count. I just say I quit drinking. I have had a moment or two where I wanted one bad. But it soon went away. I found that sparkling mineral water helps. Perrier or Pelligrino. I see your from St.Louis. How bout them Cards this weekend. Then again you may not like baseball. Oh well I was in St.Lois over the weekend, love that city. Have you ever been to the Botanical gardens? I'm dying to go. First time I have ever been to St.Louis without drinking. It kinda sucked cuz there are so many cool places to go. Hope you have a better day tomorrow at work. My bosses can be anal too. But then again so can I. Hope to hear from you when your not so stressed. Sounds like your trying really hard, it sucks sometimes but to me I love the feeling of being in control of my thoughts and knowing whats going on around me. None of this will probably make you feel better but just getting it out helps.

c'est la vie

hey Rose, How'd things go last night? Did you punch your pillows? Jump around your house? Walk until your legs hurt?

I hope you check in this morning. We're thinking about you.

Smyle

good morning Rose.....how ya doin ???

OnceNice

Didn't drink

scootinbabe

wooo hoooo! you are doing it rose! and you are helping to get all of us through whether you know it or not!

way to go!