equus

This year D was taken on as permanent staff BEFORE the end of his probationary period in his new job. Last year he had been fired to break the contract, told to take two weeks unpaid (for the same purpose) and then offered part time work by the same people.

This year I am applying for a secondment, last year I was trudging through work with a mortgage to pay alone.

This year I have a place at uni to do a course I can't wait to study, last year I was trying to learn all I could about alcohol addiction and cramming counselling in to keep me level and sane.

This year something has solidified with D, he's growing in confidence every day and loving the time he has sober, last year it was a day by day battle with fingers crossed and worsening odds.

I went to find some threads - to read back and sense where I really was then. I had hope then but lived in a place of hightened concern. I can read my hopefullness knowing how many hurdles we still had to clear. I can read about D looking for work straight away, even the call to the people he works for now, which eventually I lost hope for paying off. I didn't know he would get much more ill, I think I kind of knew he would lapse but didn't understand it and was very afraid. I didn't know he would both lapse and keep fighting, I didn't know good fortune happens just as surely as bad.

Of all the things I didn't know was that a bumpy start doesn't mean a person isn't serious, a bumpy start doesn't mean only failure, a bumpy start doesn't mean we know the future - it offers no crystal ball at all!!

D's gone to work today full of a cold - he said he felt lousey but none the less content. I didn't know that in the end he would enjoy being sober so much.

JenT1968

I am so pleased for both of you, your lives seem to be moving and changing and forging ahead in such positive directions.

I love reading your posts about your life; full of your positive attitude and your happiness shines through. Reminds me that life isn't sadness, it is there to be grabbed with both hands, which you seem to do so well. thank you.

equus

This is such an important thing for me, I've had times when I've not really grabbed life at all and kind of saw myself as subject to it rather than the maker of my life. Those times seemed to have such a negative impact on my own mental and emotional heath that I realise staying confident and full of life is about grabbing it with both hands.

cwohio

keep on being you and posting the success story eq - it does help many realize that people can recover!

equus

We went out for a meal with friends last night and the friend that manages a bar mentioned bank holiday last year when she'd hired a rodeo bull largely because I wanted her to!! We hadn't gone because D was struggling with not drinking and a town pub was out of the question.

Without thinking when she mentioned the rodeo bull I had said it was a shame we missed that and I was trying to figure out why (bit dense eh?). It made me really think back.

The rodeo bull hired for a night at uni had been my one moment of absloute success while I'd felt so much like a fish out of water. That was 13 years ago, D was there, he even had a go on the bull but most of all he'd ben proud to be with the girl who made the crowd clap and got a high five off the the bull's operator!

Maybe next time, maybe 13 years from now I'll get another chance to ride a mechanical bull - to do what never happens on a horse and be measured for stickability, strength, balance and endurance.

But it made me think back to last year and how readily I'd passed it up and how I have no regret that I did, life changes - I think it's meant to.

ICU

I love reading about all your progress in your 'that was then, this is now' comparisons. Can't wait to read next year as you compare this year to how you and D will be doing then (I hope I said that right)!

You always inspire me to do the same. Most of the time it helps me to track my progress in a postive fashion. Sometimes though I cringe when I realize who I was back then. YUK!!! But, at least I'm not like that today, and for that, I am grateful!! And, I'm looking forward to next year as I too review all the things I have to show for myself this year (as in learnings, awareness and positive change).

I hope what I posted makes sense. I switched to a different brand of coffee this morning and it seems it's taking a bit longer for it to kick in.

equus

OI!!! Your last year person was open to change, your last year person was getting ready to learn, your last year person was reading and thinking and turning a life around. Your last year person might make you cringe but I think she rocked!!

ICU

Thanks Equus! And right back atcha!!