FallGirl

I had 16 days sober, and i threw it all away. i used the events in my life as an excuse to drink, i drank on thursday, and today. i feel like a loser... i feel depressed all over again and physically sick. i was feeling so good, better than i had in a long time and i just .... i don't even know what to say. i feel horrible and i can't believe i threw 16 days away :uzi2:

FallGirl

chip

Fall Girl,

You are not a loser! You suffer from the same disease as many of us. Most of us have found the road of sobriety is bumpy at times. Lot's of people who gain contented sobriety have done so after several relapses. The point is that you are trying to do the right thing. Brush yourself off, and keep trying! Getting sober isn't easy, and 16 days is an awesome base to build upon.

Do you have a desire to stop drinking?

That desire is the seed which can eventually grow into a life of contented sobriety. I hope you can find it in your heart to try again.

You are not alone, and you don't need to feel like you are alone in your struggle. SR is a good place to find help. I hope you feel better soon

Please don't beat youself up. You didn't throw away those 16 days. You will always have that sober period to look back upon. You can have it again. Those 16 days gave you a glimpse of a better life, and I hope you can move forward.

For me, I have to take it one day at a time. Often I take it hour by hour. If you (and me for that matter) can stay sober for each minute, minute by minute, hour by hour....we can stay sober. I've found that SR and AA have really helped me out. Do you know anybody who has the same struggles and is in recovery? This can help you out quite a bit. Speaking with another alcoholic can do wonders for you.

Keep posting on SR. There are good people here who want to see you suceed.
chip

RubyT

You're not a loser....you're human. I admire you for admitting it. I think if I fell off the wagon I would have to disappear from this site. Just start over...that's all you have to do. Please don't get so down on yourself...please!

notsurewhat

OMG...
dont do that to yourself. I did that way to many times.
I personally think from other illnesses and this one...
oops I feel down... OOOH I can get up... I can continue on... Keep working it.
Dont let it get worse. If you can pick your self up again and work on it again yay for you!
Wnna know the cool thing about a slide?...
There are steps on the other side and you can always climb back up again

FallGirl

i feel really bad because i hid it from my husband. he's been gone since 9am, and i started drinking shortly after. he's been so proud of me, commenting on how my personality has changed for the better, and now i feel like i've let him and myself down

FallGirl

2dayzmuse

Yep, your up and your at it again. I bet it didn't get any better out there? It usually doesn't for us. Ask yourself what was your trigger? You said certain events in your life. That will never change. There will always be a reason to drink. The key is not acting on it. What could you have done differently to redirect your impulse to drink? Many of us need some sort of recovery to support us. Look into a few of them. You said that AA wasn't for you. Check our Smart or LifeRing, or any of the other alternatives. Maybe you'd be willing to try AA again and take another stab at it with a different point of view. It is your choice. I think it would be worth your while to get some good recovery tools under you belt.

It is so difficult to not fall back into the same pattern. It is a tough cycle to break. Yes, you are not the first to fall, nor will be that last. Take it as a lesson learned and move forward. No, we are not going to allow you to beat yourself up over it here. You have today. Tomorrow is another day. Make the best of it.

notsurewhat

Once again...
Dont do that to yourself. Tell him the truth. Opps you fell. An early recovering alcoholic is like a person walking on a slippery log.
You can make it across but sometimes you slip. Everyone has slipped in thier life at some time.
Cool thing is you can climb up again

FallGirl

i think i was kind of looking for a reason to drink again honestly. in the past i've always taken bad things as an excuse. this week has been kind of hard, my husbands friend passed away, and he's been emotionally up and down.... so i don't even have an excuse, i just used these events as one, and told myself "you've had a rough couple of days, go ahead and drink", but you know what? all those problems are still there, and i feel hungover and depressed, so it wasn't even worth it.....
i need to find other ways to handle my emotions


FallGirl

2dayzmuse

Oh the guilt is the worse. The best way to get rid of guilt is to face it. Be honest with your husband. Hopefully he will be understanding. It is so difficult to change our patterns. Keeping painful secrets can eat away at us.

Valeria

After my last relapse, I went to an early morning meeting in tears. One of the men there said, "We don't shoot our wounded in AA."

Just wake up tomorrow and start again. The worst part is the shame and guilt. Don't let that get in the way of not drinking tomorrow.

CarolD

You had a false start...
Take the 16 days as a base for success.

And you never have to feel so crappy again!..

MNGirlyGirl

Just use this as a learning experience -- it's not worth picking up. No one can take those 16 days away from you. Start over and put it behind you. Don't dwell on a mistake.

hector

Hi, Fallgirl. I'm sorry you slipped. I think you're a little too upset about it. Here's something I posted in Nov/04:

"You say you "messed up." I don't see it that way. You did what alcoholics do - you drank. To stay sober goes against our very nature, against who and what we are. Most of us sober up only when we're about to lose something we value more than the booze. For me it was self-respect and health, physical, emotional, and spiritual. Once I knew I was an alcoholic I had no choice. Sober up or die drunk, quick but not painless.
What will it be for you? what do you have to almost lose because of your drinking in order for you to stay sober?
I'm sorry if you see this sharing as harsh. You said you wanted gentleness...didn't you? It's not a gentle problem, and I'm not in a gentle mood. Maybe the folks at your meeting weren't either. Nuff said. I'm pulling for you, we're all in this together."

Cheer up, Fallgirl. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, learn your lesson, feel the sorrow, and let it go.

regrad

16 days is still a success...

but be honest..it is the only way for this all to fit together (the program)

sometimes relapse is part of the way it goes...learn and continue to live...

good luck, come back always


j.

djfriedm

You made it 16 days...you should be proud of that. You're not a loser at all! Dont dwell on the mistake and keep working on it! You can do it. We all have faith!

Luckyv2

Nope not a looser just a boozer and like I used to tell my kids, they always said they were failures. I would say F stands for failure and if you turn that around you have success.

Love Vic

Disorderly

What can u do but get back up on that horse? Whenever you begin screaming at yourself and feeling like a loser, remind yourself that your not helping your cause by indulging in self hatred.

AND IT IS AN INDULGENCE

(and I dont mean that in a mean belittling way at all only in a spiritual way something to think about.)

We drank to excess in the first place to numb our own pain and in the process ended up hurting ourselves more... giving up was a real effort in self love and respect.

FAILING is disapointing but every mean word and thought you have about yourself is just more self hatred and harm and when you think about it is just as damaging as the drinking itself isn't it.

Instead think about it, how would you treat a friend in your situation, you'd be kinder, understanding, encouraging wouldn't you??? Dont you deserve all that for yourself too? Aren't you worthy of that - you know you are, your worth every bit of self love and every iota of self respect...

Think about what good you got out of this failure.. what did you learn, how did it make you stronger?

All failures are life lessons if we let them lead to personal revelation and growth they aren't necessarily a negative thing, it doesn't mean we WANT them it just means we should be kinder to ourselves and spend more time treating ourselves on the inside like we would other people

Good luck and all the best

NEEDTOBESOBER

Don't feel bad I drank after 33 days and was feeling bad about it, but then I realize that relapses happen and just to keep on trying, drank Sunday and Monday and didnt drink Tuesday, and then I drank again yesterday, which I feel very bad about it, but I am not gonna let this disease get me, I somehow need to find a way to combat stress and depression cause that is usually when I messs up and drink or if there is alcohol available or maybe I am just looking for excuses to drink, I am not sure, I was doing so good and blew it.

Greenbug

Hey Fallgirl,
Not sure if your still here but I will reply.

keep in your mind always that its not about falling down it about when and if you get back up. Keep on keepin on!

Kickit

Hi, I too went back to drinking - after 7 weeks. I feel so bad about it, I didn't come back to the site because I was ashamed. I also started drinking in a morning when my partner had left for work - in a vain hope that he wouldn't know, vain hope because most times I got so drunk - couldn't stop and was in a right stste when he got back. He has been so let down - he was proud of me doing so well. BUT - last night was the last time.

Today I came back to SR, day 1 and today I haven't had a drink. I'll deal with tomorrow, day 2, when it comes. I also suffer from dpression and low self esteem but I feel so much more positive after visiting the site again. I have also made a start with SMART recovery as I also found that I couldn't seem to 'get' AA.
We are not losers, just need to use this slip to help us do better next time. Gonna be hard work, but dont they say anything worth having is?! Don't give up. I AM GOING TO DO THIS and so are you.