djfriedm

Hi, my name's Dylan. I'm 21. I'm happily engaged to hunnybee on here. She helped me see that maybe talking to people who have gone through, or are going through what I am would help me a lot. So, my drug use started out "innocently" enough...I know its not innocent at all...as just drinking every once and awhile in high school. I ended up stopping drinking for the last two years of my high school because I realized that it was making me very unhappy and that it wasnt helping me with the problems I had at the time. This all happened after a few very rough nights where I felt like I was going to die because of my drinking. Anyway, I was sober for two years...and then went away to college. Essentially as soon as I got to college, all the reasons I started drinking in the first place started coming back to me. I became a very heavy partier...going out almost every night and getting drunk . I wasnt happy ever that first year of college. As I partied more and more, I started doing things other than just drinking. Drinking turned into smoking marijuana, which in turn turned into a very bad addiction to cocaine. I was addicted to cocaine for almost two years of my life. It got to the point where I used almost every single night of the week. And when I wasnt using, I wanted to be. My "casual" cocaine use because a fullblown addiction. And not long after that...I started to delve into other drugs. In my two years of addiction, I used marijuana, cocaine, mushrooms, opium, and ecstasy. It was my ecstasy use that finally convinced me I had a serious problem. August 3rd, 2004 I met hunnybee in person. We had started talking back in April of that year and finally met in person then. From the start she loved me for who I was...not the drug addict that my outer self was acting like. She was always there to support me and give me every ounce of love that she could give me. She gave me everything. She knew all about my drug use, and how bad it was. She would always talk to me when I called her high at 5am or later. She was always there for me. She's amazing in every sense of the word. But....I have never been the way I should be towards her. I've hurt her so much because of my addictions. I've treated her worse than any other person ever deserves to be treated. In a way...I've taken advantage of her and of US. I've now been clean since February of last year. It's been rough, it took me months to actually be able to say no, and to finally stop the self destructive behavior that was killing me, and killing hunnybee and our relationship. Even though I've been clean that long...I've come to realize that I'm still an addict. Cocaine still is on my mind at times, along with the people who I used to do it with. I remember it, I think about it...and its hard. I've never gotten help, other than from hunnybee with this...and now I feel I'm finally ready to reach out and do what I need to do to get better. I cant keep treating her like I have, and I know that my having never dealt with my addiction fully is still causing us problems I'm in the process of taking a huge step towards getting better, something I'm proud of. I've recently admitted to her that I still think about cocaine sometimes, and that I want help. I'm about to move in with her in Georgia (I go to school in NC currently)...and she's said that she would come with me to meetings and support me. I think finally I might be able to do something right for a change with us, and with my life. I'm tired of having this....burden on my shoulders that is a drug addiction. There's too much to experience in life, and I feel like I've only been held back from really being the person I really am, and treating her as she deserves to be treated.


Wow....Sorry if that was way too long and just rambled on....but...thats me...in a nutshell...a very large one. Thanks so much for introducing me to this group hunnybee. I love you so much sweetheart. You've always been there for me...and you are my everything. You're the one who's helped me stay clean for so long...you helped me realize there was a world beyond drugs and partying...and I owe you the world sweetheart. I dont know what I would have done without you.

HunnyBee

You just really need to start admitting things to yourself and to others. Hiding behind "I don't know" as an answer doesn't help you further yourself along the road to recovery. Sure, saying "thank you" is nice, but you needed to do this for yourself. And yes, I'll go to meetings with you, but I believe people here can also help you; they've helped me tons.

djfriedm

I know...I've come to realize that.

TexasDawn

Hi Dylan!
Welcome to SR!

Good for you for recognizing alcohol and drugs as a problem in your life; and you are only 21. You can stop now and save yourself a lot of heartache. I had to bang my head against the wall for several more years until I 'got it.' But that's okay........I'm here now and I am grateful to be a recovering alcoholic.

Congrats to you and HunnyBee on being engaged! My hubby and I got married at age 21. We've been married almost 18 years now! We've had our share of ups and downs, but thankfully the past few years have just been getting better and better. Getting married at 21 it was kind of like we grew up together. I guess since I started drinking at such a young age (about 14) that I stopped maturing around that time. At least that seems to be what some people theorize anyway. We went through some rough times that were made much rougher due to alcohol. But I can't change the past. I'm just happy to be here now. I've got my family (husband and 2 kids and three cats) and lots of great people here at SR and at AA too.

Thanks for sharing your story.

djfriedm

Hey! Thanks for replying. I really agree with you on what you said about how getting married at our age allows us to grow up together . And I do think that because of my addiction, I've been held back from growing up and maturing as much as I should have. I know I cannot change our past, but I do know that nows the time to make the future even better than our past has been. I'm glad to see that people get through this. I'm inspired by what you said...it's just proof that things can get better. Again, thank you so much.