denny57

I had an interesting session with my therapist today about this subject. I hope I can make this clear.

AH is really dragging out this divorce and every day I want it more than the last. Part of his strategy is to attempt to financially starve me, as the attorneys put it. This I will blame myself for, as all but one bank account was in AH's name; I can come up with many rationalizations for that, but the bottom line is I agreed to it to keep the peace and after awhile I did believe it was all "his money."

He's not disputing they are community funds, but he will not release some to me, though his attorneys are telling him to do it.

Enough background. I've been trying to think of something that might motivate him to just cut it out. Ok, as I type that I see I am using the word motivate in connection with an active A. Anywhooooooooooooo

For the last 3 years AH and married best friend, M______ have met up in Oregon to bike ride for a long weekend. I recently found out they also had a young girl they would hook up with there, Ursula, and last year it was a threesome. J_____, best friends wife, knows nothing about it. Since AH is being such an a$$ my thought is to pass a message along through the attorneys along these lines:

Please tell AH that Ursula called here looking for him. She also wanted M_____'s number. I didn't give it to her and thought I'd run it by J___ first. What would he like me to do?

The discussion of blackmail/strategy was because I would never follow through with it because I would never hurt J_____ that way.

You know what? It was good to type this out - I don't think I'll be doing it - I'd probably feel like crap for years after. But I won't rule it out - I guess I'm still sometimes blown away by the arrogance of AH. His certainty he can continue to treat me like crap. Gee, after I allowed him to all those years - how dare he LOL.

Oh, and my therapist said though she couldn't recommend it she would understand why I'd do it. I sure do hate when she does that!

buhda

Thats a tuff one the therapist is correct.

StrongR2Day

Thanks for the giggle!

denny57

You're welcome. I'm laughing here at the absurd level it sometimes reaches.

escape artist

i would convey that message -doesn't mean you are blackmailing him. but it would get the attention of the attorney!!! or maybe better, give that info to your attorney- it would show his "character" in court. fallout for everyone else is not really your concern-as they are responsible for their own behavior. just my opinion

Pick-a-name

Truthfully, something like this came up for me (son found a stash of cards,etc and other damaging information that AH was obviously hiding from me/us). What I did was just mention to AH that I had seen it and that it was no longer in my possession,but that I did have access to it. (he must have had a mad scurry to see if it was gone from where he put it). I also said his lawyer would probably not be too thrilled to know about that, as it looked like stuff he probably was told to hide. I left it at that. (I did give copies to my lawyer.) What did the lawyers do with/about it,I have no idea.

I have no desire to blackmail him......but then again, he is sick and doing sick things and the kids and I need to protect ourselves. That is in the best interest of ALL of us (AH included). I did NOT want it personal (and none of this was ever mentioned ) but I did want it known that if I HAD to use that information...I had it and would , if it became a necessity to see that our children were financially protected.

Good luck. Pray about this. (This info my son literally stumbled on..none of us was looking for it or knew any of it existed.)

Whatever you do or do not do...make sure you and your peace of mind and conscience are your first concern. JMHO

denny57

You're right, Pick. My thought process was to do as you say: let him know I'd use it if I have to. The truth is, I'm not really comfortable even doing that. The discussion I've been having with my brain committee is, is that doing the right thing or being a doormat? It sounds like a ridiculous idea to me now, but the questions it brings up are good ones for me to think about. So I thank Patty for encouraging me to post it.

sunshine003

I laugh at times at what my stuff has become too.

You know denny, I can see why you are hesitant in following through with it. Because you're better than that. However, once in a while, we are put in a position to use things in order to protect ourselves.

I don't know....for example, ah has a buisness partner. They travel together for buisness but don't hang out when in the area. Well, I know the kind of stuff they do while out of town on buisness. His partner is married with three children. If I had absolute proof of partner cheating, I WILL use it as a "stragedy" to get my way with ah. Maybe that isn't right but neither is this. If it'll help me get outta here at this point, I'll use it. Now, I would never tell buisness partners wife, not my place but I wouldn't give that away

sunshine003

at this point, in my situation, I'll do whatever it takes.

Zoey

Stay on course sunshine, ((HUGS))

Denny, great to think of all these things we could do, you will do right, I know! ((HUGS))

denny57

As you should, sunshine. There's no question you are doing the right thing. ((()))

Jazzman

I used a little strategy AND blackmail. But didn't cross my morals line, just used her lack-o-morals to my advantage.

mfisher

I love that one, using their lack o morals to my advantage. I too am in the process of divorce and have "come across" some pretty incriminating stuff.
My on the way to be ex ah is trying to get everyone to rally around him and financially back him with his lies, he won't directly deal with me as I am the holder of the truth.
The thing I have to weigh out in my battle of the brain is how this information is personally effecting me.
He is lying to everyone, he is cheating on his new girlfriend who supports him. I am now on the ouside looking in to what happened to me for 23 years, all the things I suspected of him being and doing are true and it is right before my very eyes, which draws alot of emotion. I have to ask myself is it blackmail, revenge or stradegy.
What do I want to do with the information? Nothing for right now until I sort my true motives.
It is agonizing denny, I am looking to my higher power to get me through as I know it was my higher power that sent me this information for some purpose.

Pick-a-name

That is what I chose to do,too. Let go and let God. You will be guided on your path and be secure in it, when the time is right.........or know that to "do nothing" is the right chose. JMO