Discouraged
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Richton, MS
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Discouraged
I was so discouraged last night - Only for a little while. My AH and I have been talking on the phone for the last week. He calls every morning to make sure our daughter gets off to school okay and to check on the boys. He also calls them everynight and tells them good night and we have been talking a little. We decided to go out and eat last night with the kids and as soon as we saw each other he started in on me about all that I have done to him and what I have put him threw. He also went into great detail about how I neglect him and never do anything for him. I don't feel like I neglected him. We have 3 children and I work 50 hours a week compared to him 35 hours a week. I have to do all the running for them. I have to cook supper, baths, bedtime, washing, folding and cleaning while the whole time he is sitting in his recliner with a beer and cigerette in his hand watching TV. When I told him this he just gets upset with me and tells me that is my job. He said his mother did it for his father and never complained.
I do like to talk to him on the phone. It lets me know that he is okay and I want the kids to talk to him. I still worry about him a great deal. I still feel guilty about the whole situation. I worry about him surviving financially. The thing is I have been the one working during our entire marriage. He worked when he wanted to. I am tired of supporting him. He is a 38 year old man who has had a women supporting him his entire life. First his mama, then his first wife and now me. I think that it is time for him to support himself for a change and learn to be a self sufficent man. I guess it is my fault for not making him do it sooner. The man has 5 kids. 2 from his first marriage and now we have 3. He should be teaching his boys what it means to be a man. His daughter from his first marriage will not even come see him she is so ashamed of him and she is only 9.
Me and the kids are doing great for the most part. I have enjoyed being back on the "farm". My dad let me pick out a place on his land and we are starting to clean it up so I can have a place to live eventually. I got to drive the tractor, it really is a great place to clear your mind and think about the future.
I do like to talk to him on the phone. It lets me know that he is okay and I want the kids to talk to him. I still worry about him a great deal. I still feel guilty about the whole situation. I worry about him surviving financially. The thing is I have been the one working during our entire marriage. He worked when he wanted to. I am tired of supporting him. He is a 38 year old man who has had a women supporting him his entire life. First his mama, then his first wife and now me. I think that it is time for him to support himself for a change and learn to be a self sufficent man. I guess it is my fault for not making him do it sooner. The man has 5 kids. 2 from his first marriage and now we have 3. He should be teaching his boys what it means to be a man. His daughter from his first marriage will not even come see him she is so ashamed of him and she is only 9.
Me and the kids are doing great for the most part. I have enjoyed being back on the "farm". My dad let me pick out a place on his land and we are starting to clean it up so I can have a place to live eventually. I got to drive the tractor, it really is a great place to clear your mind and think about the future.
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I am so happy for you that you have a place to go and clear your mind. And also, that you are thinking about the future. Your husband sounds like he is in the same place mine was when we first separated. Everyone and everything else is to blame--except him.
It took mine quite a while to come to the realization that his situation was of his own making. When we talk now, he swears he doesn't even remember begging me to let him come back home or blaming me for taking him away from his children. I think the alcohol fog took a long time to wear off. Even after he stopped drinking. I hope your husband will find clarity, too, but you cannot put your life on hold waiting for that to happen. I think you know this already.
It is good that he talks to his children and that you are not too bitter or angry to have phone conversations with him. I think now that the best thing I ever did for my husband was go on with my life and allow him to go on with his however he chose to. It was excruciatingly hard to do so, though.
Try not to feel guilty about it. Instead look at it from the perspective that you are allowing him the dignity to make his own choices. And you are making yours. He will either grow up or he won't, but for sure he won't if you go back to being his "mother."
I understand how hard it is, I have lived it.
L
It took mine quite a while to come to the realization that his situation was of his own making. When we talk now, he swears he doesn't even remember begging me to let him come back home or blaming me for taking him away from his children. I think the alcohol fog took a long time to wear off. Even after he stopped drinking. I hope your husband will find clarity, too, but you cannot put your life on hold waiting for that to happen. I think you know this already.
It is good that he talks to his children and that you are not too bitter or angry to have phone conversations with him. I think now that the best thing I ever did for my husband was go on with my life and allow him to go on with his however he chose to. It was excruciatingly hard to do so, though.
Try not to feel guilty about it. Instead look at it from the perspective that you are allowing him the dignity to make his own choices. And you are making yours. He will either grow up or he won't, but for sure he won't if you go back to being his "mother."
I understand how hard it is, I have lived it.
L
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Richton, MS
Posts: 135
My mother divorced my biological father before I was born and I did not meet him until I was 16. She had so much hatred toward him and I remember what that did to me as a child. It is very important to me that they have there father in there life. I do not want my children to see that kind of hatred in my eyes. My mother did remarry and I have a wonderful step-dad who I love dearly.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
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Originally Posted by LIFEOUTTHERE
I guess it is my fault for not making him do it sooner.
You sound like you're doing well, Life. I know it's hard with all the conflicting feelings. I'm glad you've picked out a spot on the "farm." You are getting on with life and that can only be a good thing.
((()))
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