What was I thinking?

Old 08-18-2006, 08:14 PM
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When Pigs Fly
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What was I thinking?

My son is so out of control so I called his Dad, I know I know. I just gave the man another reason to drink! I hate my AH I want to smash his head against a wall, make him see what he has done to his children. He has no idea. I tod my AH that I have tried everything that I'm all out of options. I can't handle him. I know my son misses me because I'm at work. I've been home his whole life. Any suggestions? I sure could use some I'm lost, and sad. I don't want hum to hurt like this.
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Old 08-18-2006, 08:52 PM
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Counseling. It has been the saving grace for me and my children. The counselor cannot be their parent, but they can help and guide both your son and you in dealing with this. Do not look to an active alcoholic to help you, he will only make it worse. These problems are best tackled by someone who can objectively intervene. If private counseling is not an option (check into EAP at work) then try to find religious or social services options. Someone who has no emotional interest in the situation is best.

(((Kermit))) It's hard to deal with the aftermath of alcoholism in our children, but it can be done. PM me if you like.

L
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Old 08-18-2006, 08:56 PM
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I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wish I had some suggestions but I don't. I know and feel the same frustration and hatred you are feeling towards your AH and I don't know much how to handle it or work through it either, so I keep posting here, attending my meetings, reading, working the steps with my sponsor. Is it working? Sometimes I think better than other times but I believe in my heart it will work eventually. I feel your pain. I'm just struggling through it one little step at a time. You're not alone. Try to take care of you and you son. I don't think you gave him another reason to drink if he's like my AH he can find reasons to drink on his own. Mine just liked for me to believe it was because of me. Kept me where he wanted me. My thoughts are with you.
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Old 08-18-2006, 11:50 PM
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I just gave the man another reason to drink!
They need real reasons now???:Wgla

Kermit I don't remember how old your son is. Is he in daycare or after school programs or babysitters?

Some of us are older and have lost our mind reading ability along the way so we need more clues to provide suggestions.

Have you remembered to do something nice for you today?
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Old 08-19-2006, 01:20 AM
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Originally Posted by kermit
I just gave the man another reason to drink!
Get this in your head...you can't make him stop or start. He drinks for his own reasons blame maybe one of them but it is his reason not something you gave to him.

As for your son perhaps you could set aside time just for him each day and maybe have a special day each week where you go somewhere together and do something you both enjoy.

There are many children who have not had the luxury of having their mom at home with them at least your son has had this benefit for some of his short sweet life. Do not get in the guilt mode with your child. You will be teaching him how to manipulate you and others. Children are fast learners. You are doing the best you can. Teach him that you do for him out of joy and love not guilt.
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Old 08-19-2006, 06:17 AM
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Thanks Splenda, you hit in on the head! I know I don't make him drink, it was more of a Now AH THINKS he has reason to believe I make him drink! I like the idea of spenda time with my son (he is now 7) but my 4yr old is here too, he doesn't understand "Me time" yet. I will work on this. I'm making plans.
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Old 08-19-2006, 02:30 PM
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Originally Posted by kermit
... I know I know. I just gave the man another reason to drink!
You absolutely did NOT give him another reason to drink. He may or may not use it as a reason to drink, but it has nothing to do with you. He could have seen the man in the car next to him picking his nose, and turned that into an excuse to drink.

Kermit, you did what any mother would do when having problems with a child. YOu spoke to the childs dad. Because of this disease of alcoholism and all that goes along with it, we doubt ourselves and our decision making abilities. Stop doubting. Get counseling and get healthy! You deserve it! I lived in the self doubting, self pity, self this, self that for many many years. I am still working to get out of this pit and day by day it gets better.

I hope you can find some peace and serenity and happiness very soon!
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