The Wedding
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
The Wedding
Well Im struggling this weekend.
Mr. R's son is getting married tommrow and even though I will not miss having to deal with his ex at the wedding Im feeling abandoned and very lonely.
His family that I met and loved last May have been here since Wednesday and his sister is making the wedding cake that I was suppose to help her with. The Family when together is quite large and as weird as it sounds he is somewhat the head of it all and when I was with him I felt important... like I had a family and I was an important part of something.
Normally its just my daughter and I, we dont have family here and the family I do have is pretty dysfuncial so I keep them at bay as to not bring the Chaos into my life.
Im doing the what if/whys thing... you know if I had done X or why was I so insecure that I pushed him away etc....
I have meetings booked in my schedule all weekend in case I struggle too hard and a ton of things on my todo list...
But Im just feeling so sad today and so wish either I could reach out or he would reach out to me. The breakup just seems so wrong....
Of course its not my plan but I wish the big guy would let me in on some of it.
BTW I did get the convertable car and YES Im having a bunch of fun in it.... If it gets too bad tommrow I will just put the top down and drive..........
Mr. R's son is getting married tommrow and even though I will not miss having to deal with his ex at the wedding Im feeling abandoned and very lonely.
His family that I met and loved last May have been here since Wednesday and his sister is making the wedding cake that I was suppose to help her with. The Family when together is quite large and as weird as it sounds he is somewhat the head of it all and when I was with him I felt important... like I had a family and I was an important part of something.
Normally its just my daughter and I, we dont have family here and the family I do have is pretty dysfuncial so I keep them at bay as to not bring the Chaos into my life.
Im doing the what if/whys thing... you know if I had done X or why was I so insecure that I pushed him away etc....
I have meetings booked in my schedule all weekend in case I struggle too hard and a ton of things on my todo list...
But Im just feeling so sad today and so wish either I could reach out or he would reach out to me. The breakup just seems so wrong....
Of course its not my plan but I wish the big guy would let me in on some of it.
BTW I did get the convertable car and YES Im having a bunch of fun in it.... If it gets too bad tommrow I will just put the top down and drive..........
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
Just a thought here Cynay...don't mean to bring you down but...
Do you think he ended the relationship with the intent of
keeping you from the wedding and his family?
This just occurred to me as I was reading your post....
Do you think he ended the relationship with the intent of
keeping you from the wedding and his family?
This just occurred to me as I was reading your post....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
BTW I am glad you did get that car....
If I wasn't so happy with being up high over the other cars
in my SUV I'd love to get another convertible myself.
Sounds like you have a full weekend planned, I am sorry
you are feeling so badly today. (((C)))
If I wasn't so happy with being up high over the other cars
in my SUV I'd love to get another convertible myself.
Sounds like you have a full weekend planned, I am sorry
you are feeling so badly today. (((C)))
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
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I would think that too...
But for the last year he has been firm on our relationship. His daughter who hated me up until June he told that I would be in his life a long time and she would have to get over it... he stood his ground very firmly about my being with him.
He took me to meet his family in May so why would he break up just for the wedding? I know them and we all get along now.
But for the last year he has been firm on our relationship. His daughter who hated me up until June he told that I would be in his life a long time and she would have to get over it... he stood his ground very firmly about my being with him.
He took me to meet his family in May so why would he break up just for the wedding? I know them and we all get along now.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
I'm sorry you're feeling badly, Cynay. I think this definitely falls in the "more will be revealed" category. You should get your book today (I hope) - hop in the convertible with it, go someplace nice and have a read. Try not to drive yourself crazy on the whys right now - I just think you don't have all the facts and they'll come to you when it's time. ((()))
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Sorry you're feeling down, and glad you're taking care of yourself.
I don't have much of a biological family either. What I've done is cobbled together my own "family" from friends I've met. Some from various recovery programs, some from work. I think it's much better this way cuz I get to choose who I allow in my "family", unlike real relatives I'm stuck with.
I also hit the road when I'm feeling down, go to some scenic place and re-connect with my HP. Although doing it in a hot new convertible sounds a lot more fun than my dumpy old truck
Mike
I don't have much of a biological family either. What I've done is cobbled together my own "family" from friends I've met. Some from various recovery programs, some from work. I think it's much better this way cuz I get to choose who I allow in my "family", unlike real relatives I'm stuck with.
I also hit the road when I'm feeling down, go to some scenic place and re-connect with my HP. Although doing it in a hot new convertible sounds a lot more fun than my dumpy old truck
Mike
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
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Yea that might be the ticket...
There are some nice lakes around here and water is my vortex.... so maybe I will take that book and go sit by the water.
No I have had no contact with him. This Sunday will be 3 weeks.
There are some nice lakes around here and water is my vortex.... so maybe I will take that book and go sit by the water.
No I have had no contact with him. This Sunday will be 3 weeks.
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: St.Louis,Mo.
Posts: 22
Honey I know this is a hard time for you, and I'm sorry your sad, and upset. I know it does not seem like it right now, but you'll get through this. And as hard as it is to believe maybe your better off without him, who knows who god has planned for you to be with, but maybe it's someone better for you, and for your daughter. After you read that book by the lake, grab your daughter for a girls night, and just enjoy in the fact that you have a good life, and a wonderful daughter. Hang in there, and let us know how your feeling.
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Thanks
Its not that I dont think I will get through this, I know I will and probbly in record time because Im much healthier now.
My life is wonderful and other then a partner to share it with there is not much more I could ask for...
It just hurts is all, nothing that I have not worked with before .... It just seems like such a waste. Love is something very special to me as are people and when one leaves my life for whatever reason I struggle.... Normally I can see the reasons why (even if I dont like them) this time I just dont see it yet, that and its much more hurtful when its a SO that leaves my life.
I know he has a plan, I honestly dont believe that he means for me to be alone and Im sure he is working on my partner as we speak....though that is a little scarry.... If he has to do THAT much work on my partner (and I know how much he has done on me) I might be in for a big suprise.
Its not that I dont think I will get through this, I know I will and probbly in record time because Im much healthier now.
My life is wonderful and other then a partner to share it with there is not much more I could ask for...
It just hurts is all, nothing that I have not worked with before .... It just seems like such a waste. Love is something very special to me as are people and when one leaves my life for whatever reason I struggle.... Normally I can see the reasons why (even if I dont like them) this time I just dont see it yet, that and its much more hurtful when its a SO that leaves my life.
I know he has a plan, I honestly dont believe that he means for me to be alone and Im sure he is working on my partner as we speak....though that is a little scarry.... If he has to do THAT much work on my partner (and I know how much he has done on me) I might be in for a big suprise.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
Originally Posted by Cynay
Thanks
I know he has a plan, I honestly dont believe that he means for me to be alone and Im sure he is working on my partner as we speak....though that is a little scarry.... If he has to do THAT much work on my partner (and I know how much he has done on me) I might be in for a big suprise.
I know he has a plan, I honestly dont believe that he means for me to be alone and Im sure he is working on my partner as we speak....though that is a little scarry.... If he has to do THAT much work on my partner (and I know how much he has done on me) I might be in for a big suprise.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Bronx, NY
Posts: 412
I remember one weekend I was supposed to go down to the Jersey Shore to R's place and the next day we were going to his neice's baby shower. I had met his sister and brother in law only up to that point and was to meet his other brothers and the rest of his family for the first time that weekend. I was excited about it, bought a f'n baby gift and everything, as usual I was ready and prepared when he went and f'd up again. Long story short, we never made it to the shower-- neither of us. I broke up with him (again), he woudn't go if I wasn't going, and he didn't even let his family know he was backing out, pissing them all off (again).
Anyway, that Friday, the day I was supposed to leave, driving home from work and getting off at the exit near my house I felt so sad, because I was supposed to stay on 95 S to go right over the GW Bridge and head into Jersey to spend that night with him and kick off our weekend. And that whole weekend was hard because we'd had these plans, it was supposed to be a great weekend, I was gonna meet the family... and then just nothing. Plus now we were broken up. Such disappointments with him.
And speaking of 'feeling special'- due to my own personal dysfunction, I had all these fantasies that his family was going to meet me, see what I look like, see how smart I am, see how I dress, see how good I am for him and how lucky he is to have me-- and I was going tobe a big hit. LOL... I can laugh about it today... or more accurately, I can laugh about it in this moment (I never know these days what 5 minutes from now might bring...).
Point is, yeah, this is gonna be a really hard weekend for you, unfortunately, and especially tomorrow. But I'm glad you already put some plans of action into place for yourself instead of wallowing in misery (like I would do). It'll be over before you know it... just keep busy and distracted for now. I know it's practically impossible, but try not to bury yourself in the whys and what-ifs of this situation. Won't be easy at all in this case, but none of it changes how f'd up the way he handled this was....and how he's continuing to handle it. Keep reminding yourself of that.
BTW- are you friendly enough with his sister that it would be appropriate to call her just to mention that your sorry you can't help her with the cake unders the circumstances, etc..? No need to mention him or go into detail...
I'll be thinking of you this weekend. Been in a similar position, and it sucks.
Anyway, that Friday, the day I was supposed to leave, driving home from work and getting off at the exit near my house I felt so sad, because I was supposed to stay on 95 S to go right over the GW Bridge and head into Jersey to spend that night with him and kick off our weekend. And that whole weekend was hard because we'd had these plans, it was supposed to be a great weekend, I was gonna meet the family... and then just nothing. Plus now we were broken up. Such disappointments with him.
And speaking of 'feeling special'- due to my own personal dysfunction, I had all these fantasies that his family was going to meet me, see what I look like, see how smart I am, see how I dress, see how good I am for him and how lucky he is to have me-- and I was going tobe a big hit. LOL... I can laugh about it today... or more accurately, I can laugh about it in this moment (I never know these days what 5 minutes from now might bring...).
Point is, yeah, this is gonna be a really hard weekend for you, unfortunately, and especially tomorrow. But I'm glad you already put some plans of action into place for yourself instead of wallowing in misery (like I would do). It'll be over before you know it... just keep busy and distracted for now. I know it's practically impossible, but try not to bury yourself in the whys and what-ifs of this situation. Won't be easy at all in this case, but none of it changes how f'd up the way he handled this was....and how he's continuing to handle it. Keep reminding yourself of that.
BTW- are you friendly enough with his sister that it would be appropriate to call her just to mention that your sorry you can't help her with the cake unders the circumstances, etc..? No need to mention him or go into detail...
I'll be thinking of you this weekend. Been in a similar position, and it sucks.
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No... Im not that close to her and even if I was I would not make contact... Im sure she will understand and she is just fine with his help on the cake... she probably does not need help at all.
I also will not send his son a Congrads card as it would only appear that Im trying to keep ties with him/his family. He made it perfectly clear he wanted no contact and I will not poke my head in during a happy time in his family... That would be rude.
You said this does not change how f'd up he continues to handle this.... what do you mean. He is not and has not had contact with me in almost 3 weeks so he is not handling anything now.... Im not part of his life in the least.
I also will not send his son a Congrads card as it would only appear that Im trying to keep ties with him/his family. He made it perfectly clear he wanted no contact and I will not poke my head in during a happy time in his family... That would be rude.
You said this does not change how f'd up he continues to handle this.... what do you mean. He is not and has not had contact with me in almost 3 weeks so he is not handling anything now.... Im not part of his life in the least.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Bronx, NY
Posts: 412
Originally Posted by Cynay
No... Im not that close to her and even if I was I would not make contact... Im sure she will understand and she is just fine with his help on the cake... she probably does not need help at all.
I also will not send his son a Congrads card as it would only appear that Im trying to keep ties with him/his family. He made it perfectly clear he wanted no contact and I will not poke my head in during a happy time in his family... That would be rude.
You said this does not change how f'd up he continues to handle this.... what do you mean. He is not and has not had contact with me in almost 3 weeks so he is not handling anything now.... Im not part of his life in the least.
I also will not send his son a Congrads card as it would only appear that Im trying to keep ties with him/his family. He made it perfectly clear he wanted no contact and I will not poke my head in during a happy time in his family... That would be rude.
You said this does not change how f'd up he continues to handle this.... what do you mean. He is not and has not had contact with me in almost 3 weeks so he is not handling anything now.... Im not part of his life in the least.
I just think he did this in the most cowardly and selfish way possible. I hope I'm not out of line in saying that? I know I don't really know the story and there may even have been updates I've missed during my own recent bouts of self-pity, but I was just recommending you do what I do when I start to get really sad- remember all the f'd up stuff as motivation to keep truckin. Hope I didn't offend anyone.
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Sweetie Im not offended by opinions.... so dont worry.
I will not defend the way he decided to end this relationship.
But the bottom line is that he did for whatever reasons. For all I know the reasons he gave me were true..... I dont hate him, in fact quite the opposite but Im well aware of his defects. As time goes on Im sure I will pull them out one by one and exam it all and who knows Im might just decide he did me a favor, or I could decide that indeed I did loose someone very special.
Today I just hurt and feel alone and abandonded. I know its not valid but its the old "not good enough" thought process. It will pass Im sure.
I will not defend the way he decided to end this relationship.
But the bottom line is that he did for whatever reasons. For all I know the reasons he gave me were true..... I dont hate him, in fact quite the opposite but Im well aware of his defects. As time goes on Im sure I will pull them out one by one and exam it all and who knows Im might just decide he did me a favor, or I could decide that indeed I did loose someone very special.
Today I just hurt and feel alone and abandonded. I know its not valid but its the old "not good enough" thought process. It will pass Im sure.
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Cynay...I am sorry that you are feeling this way; it does hurt,doesn't it?
I've had my own version of this lately (with my inlaws/former-in-laws of our 30yrs together...several of them were also friends of my in college before we became related by our marriage)......no matter the circumstances,it is really disappointing. Hope some happy surprise comes your way to help you feel better.
I've had my own version of this lately (with my inlaws/former-in-laws of our 30yrs together...several of them were also friends of my in college before we became related by our marriage)......no matter the circumstances,it is really disappointing. Hope some happy surprise comes your way to help you feel better.
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yes it wounds deeply.
Im disapointed in the dreams I had that will not happen..... In the family I thought I had found that were not mine to keep.... In being able to trust and know that Im loved and secure (trusting is a really hard one for me) .... so many things.
But Im also disapointed in myself.
Because I was insecure and acted like it (I dont even like me when Im like that. Not that I did not have reason to be but could have handled it better)...because I feel I did something to cause this and I struggle with knowing what it was..... I feel like I must have done something really wrong to warrent this treatment in the end.... etc
I know that is negative thinking and probably not true.... but the heart does not always speak the same language as the heart.
Im disapointed in the dreams I had that will not happen..... In the family I thought I had found that were not mine to keep.... In being able to trust and know that Im loved and secure (trusting is a really hard one for me) .... so many things.
But Im also disapointed in myself.
Because I was insecure and acted like it (I dont even like me when Im like that. Not that I did not have reason to be but could have handled it better)...because I feel I did something to cause this and I struggle with knowing what it was..... I feel like I must have done something really wrong to warrent this treatment in the end.... etc
I know that is negative thinking and probably not true.... but the heart does not always speak the same language as the heart.
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Join Date: Jan 2005
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Originally Posted by Cynay
But Im also disapointed in myself.
Because I was insecure and acted like it (I dont even like me when Im like that. Not that I did not have reason to be but could have handled it better)...because I feel I did something to cause this and I struggle with knowing what it was..... I feel like I must have done something really wrong to warrent this treatment in the end.... etc
I know that is negative thinking and probably not true.... but the heart does not always speak the same language as the heart.
Because I was insecure and acted like it (I dont even like me when Im like that. Not that I did not have reason to be but could have handled it better)...because I feel I did something to cause this and I struggle with knowing what it was..... I feel like I must have done something really wrong to warrent this treatment in the end.... etc
I know that is negative thinking and probably not true.... but the heart does not always speak the same language as the heart.
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