LIFEOUTTHERE

On my way to work this morning we were listening to the local country station and the song 'get drunk and be somebody' came on. I mean what's up with that. Do I really need to get drunk to be somebody. Am I just so freaking uptight that I get upset when my husband is just trying to be somebody? He tells me that everybody does it. I guess everybody but me. I am not even a social drinker. Does this mean that I am being stuck up because I do not like an occasional drink. I have tasted it and I just simple do not like it. I would rather have some good ole sweet tea.

This afternoon will be the kids first long visit with there dad since I left. He will pick them up from school and the sitters, which is his sister, and take them home with him. I guess I will hang out at the mall or something until time to go pick them up. I don't think they are ready for an overnight visit yet and he does have to work tomorrow too. He wanted to know if I was coming for a visit with them? I said No, I will just pick them up at 8. I know what he wants and I am not the least bit interested. It is amazing that we have been seperated for almost 2 weeks and he still expects me to accomidate him. If you know what I mean.

pmaslan

I would go to an Alanon meeting instead of the mall if it were me.
I don't mean to be unkind but when I read your posts, it sounds
like a count down to me...it's been 3 days, it's been a week, it's
almost 2 weeks now since we seperated. Nothing changes if nothing
changes. I think time away is better served in a productive manner.
JMHO

prodigal

I know what you mean. Okay, I know I sound sexist here and I really hope none of the gentlemen on this board will take offense, but this brings to mind Woody Allen's comment in one of his movies: "My brain is my second favorite organ."

denny57

Life, I know what you mean. I agree with Patty, if you think you're ready - start removing the focus from the separation and put it on you. While I was with my AH it became easy for me to believe the amount of drinking that went on was normal because practically everyone we hang out with drank. Since separating, I've learned it is not normal. It's so wonderful to do things and not worry whether alcohol will be available - the criteria for anything we did as a couple. In fact, alcohol is not part of most conversations I have with anyone - where before it seemed it was the center of everything.

Good luck with everything.

LIFEOUTTHERE

I think I have changed things. I set my boundries. I ask him to seek help he rufused. I told him that I would leave if he did not at least try. I did not set a time frame, I only ask to try. He basically laughed in my face. Me and the kids left. I have not given in to him. I have stood firm. I will not go back until the alcohol is gone. My kids are adjusting great.

The only reason I have not attended a meeting is because of the way I work. There is not a metting available to me in the small town I live in, I have called and checked. The closest meeting is 45 mins away. I am not making excuses about why I cannot attend. It is just impossible right now for me. I do try to read everything I can.

The only reason I post 'it has been 3 days, 1 week etc. is to let everyone know where I am. I am new at this and if I am posting things wrong just let me know.

I feel that I have made great progress. I am trying not to feel so guilty about the whole thing. I am trying to tell myself over and over that I am doing the right thing. Some days are better than others. I am only trying one day at a time right now. My world could easily come crashing down at any point.

Cynay

Hon there is no right or wrong way to express what your feeling (well rudness and profanity wont fly) ....

You are doing great, Post away.

I think what others are saying is .... What is going on inside of you besides your A. What are you doing for yourself and what recovery are you thinking of using to help you though it is all.

*hug*

denny57

hi life, cynay is right - no wrong or right way to post. i was the same - everything at first when i separated from AH was about that - the separation, what he was doing, all that.

i think you are doing fantastic. i learned (slowly LOL) that if someone asked me what's going on with you, it was not a criticism , but more of a gentle nudge to focus on me. personally, it took me months before i went ahhhhhh, i get it. i had spent 18 years putting AH first, it was difficult for me to stop that. i don't have children and i always imagine that would make it even more difficult because it is what ties you together.

hang in there and have a great weekend.

mfisher

Keep doing what you are doing. You know your situation.
It has been 1 year 9 months and 3 days since I left and it is still one day at a time. Even this far along some days do come crashing down and the reprocussions of 23 years with an alcoholic kick me in the butt.
Alanon is great and fine but sometimes you just got to get out and do something that takes you away from the pounding thoughts. Your mind needs to escape. Go to the mall, if you can afford it buy yourself a treat
These issues and problems will be waiting for you when you get back.
Leaving is very hard and trying to make good decisions when you have so many thoughts in your head can be exhausting. Be good to yourself and give yourself a break.

Zoey

We have bad days and need to vent, also each person is different, each couple is different. Feel free to post anything.

Yes, I wonder if we arn't all hurt when we are new when someone asks, "What are you doing for you"? Just take it as a reminder.
Most of us seem to need to practice, practice , practice , and remember to remind ourselves to practice ! (SMILE) Hard work, but worth it.

Cynay said it right, IMO!

Do you have a friend that would attend an open AA meeting with you? If no Al-Anon handy I would go to an open AA meeting.

If you go be sure if asked to state your name, remember just 1st name, and then say "Al-Anon". This tells all you are not an A.

Just my 2 cents, Take what you can use and leave the rest.

I would also get an AA Big Book. Read stories in the back, Chpt "How it works" and "The family afterwards".

cocoa

hang in there babe, your doing fine. There is no wrong thing to say. you feel what you feel. I went to an open AA meeting yesterday, and when it was my turn to speak i said Hi my name is K and I'm a codependent, and I went from there. I think they all got a big laugh from that. But it was good to break up the tension building in me. One day at a time.

Zoey

Another tidbit, thanks to cocoa !

When AA members laugh it is usually because they can relate. (Could be they saw the SO reading it?)

They share some bad or stupid stuff, might as well laugh, cannot be changed now. The reason is to share ESH as we do.

Closed speaker nights they share, How it was, (Drunk and drinking) what happened (Their bottom)and what it is like now. (Sober in a program).

Pick-a-name

http://www.xa-speakers.org/ and http://www.elmoware.com/spktapes.htm are two nice sites for listening (free!) online to speaker tapes from AA and Alanon. When I am home alone and spinning my wheels, I often will listen.

blizzard77

I'm new to all of this too, but I'm still living in the same house as my AH who's been alcohol free for almost 6months but is what I believe to be a dry drunk. I am begining to realize from posting here and attending my meeting that there people at different stages. Some still live with a active A and are happy and peaceful desipite this, some leave but find it very difficult to totally end their marriages (especially if there are children involved) but they separate for a time and hold onto hope that their marriage may work (nothing wrong with that, hope is a good thing.) Some, after only months in recovery but yrs of living with an AS file for divorce, sometimes the A calls it quits on the relationship. You are doing the best you can right now. Progress is progress. Take the time you need to sort through all of it. I for one am proud of you for leaving and sticking to your boundries. The others are trying to help you take the focus off of AH and put it where it belongs..on you and your children. I had a pretty difficult day but I made sure I did something good for myself...I relaxed in a hot bubble bath, read step four in the 12 and 12 book (available at both AA and alanon meetings) and made goals for myself to accomplish tomorrow. As the wonderfull, caring people both here and at my meetings keep assuring me: I am exactly where I need to be right now. The more you focus on yourself and your children the less time you have to focus on him.

StandingStrong

Maybe this will sound odd - but if you are still "counting the days" so to speak - how about doing it this way...

It's been 3 days and I've ___________.
Or
It's Day 6 and I have ______________.

The point is that each day be a focus of what YOU have done and what you're doing for YOU.
Showing not only where you are - but what you are doing.

I found it to be quite true that "actions speak louder than words" was just as relative to myself as it is to my AH.

Just a thought for ya!