Need advice/help plz
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Niagara Falls, On
Posts: 1
Need advice/help plz
I have been dating a wonderful man for 2 months now. We are always together. We have met each others family several times and are together day and night 24/7. I have 2 daughters (2 & 3yrs old). The problem is that last week at 6:15pm he asked if he could have $40 and take the van to see his friend that he owed this money to. I said no problem and gave him my bank card and he left. That may sound strange but we are getting ready to move in together so it was not at all weird. I know it's very fast but we hit it off so well and our families are so approving and supportive. I did not see him again until the next morning at 10:30am. I called his family and they hadnt heard from him and we were all worried. Through out the night i had a total over $300 missing from my account in small amounts.
When he pulled up in the morning he sat in the van until i went out to him. He looked at me and said something that broke my heart. He said "I have a cocaine problem". I will never forget the look on his face, his voice, everything. I was beyond surprised. I love him, i know his family, he's close with my girls, i cant believe this. I am also upset that his family didnt tell me this or at least tell me not to worry, cancel your bank card and he'll be home in the morning. He said he'd been clean for 3 months and didnt think he'd ever do it again so he thought he didnt have to tell me. I told him it's over bcuz of my kids and he cried and wouldnt leave, just sat outside. He told me that he never, ever thought i would end it with him but just be pissed off. I told him no, he was wrong. He said he never would have done it if he knew he'd lose me. He said he will never do it again because he knows now that he would lose my girls and I forever if he does. I really dont know how to handle this. I of course feel like such a fool and now im just in over my head. I want to be with him bcuz aside from this, he's wonderful. No one would *ever* suspect this from him, ever.
The thing is, he's not a severe addict and hasnt done it for long. He did it every day for a few months and since then it has just been binging every month or so. He said he wouldnt even binge except that he lives at home and was always afraid to come home. Then staying with me he thought if he came home high i'd throw him out or something. So now he says that if I dont mind him doing a couple lines every month or 2, then he wouldnt binge and wouldnt need any more than that. Now is this possible or is he in denial? Would it be enabling him? Or can it be recreational? Of course i want to believe him, but i just thought i'd get some advice.
When he pulled up in the morning he sat in the van until i went out to him. He looked at me and said something that broke my heart. He said "I have a cocaine problem". I will never forget the look on his face, his voice, everything. I was beyond surprised. I love him, i know his family, he's close with my girls, i cant believe this. I am also upset that his family didnt tell me this or at least tell me not to worry, cancel your bank card and he'll be home in the morning. He said he'd been clean for 3 months and didnt think he'd ever do it again so he thought he didnt have to tell me. I told him it's over bcuz of my kids and he cried and wouldnt leave, just sat outside. He told me that he never, ever thought i would end it with him but just be pissed off. I told him no, he was wrong. He said he never would have done it if he knew he'd lose me. He said he will never do it again because he knows now that he would lose my girls and I forever if he does. I really dont know how to handle this. I of course feel like such a fool and now im just in over my head. I want to be with him bcuz aside from this, he's wonderful. No one would *ever* suspect this from him, ever.
The thing is, he's not a severe addict and hasnt done it for long. He did it every day for a few months and since then it has just been binging every month or so. He said he wouldnt even binge except that he lives at home and was always afraid to come home. Then staying with me he thought if he came home high i'd throw him out or something. So now he says that if I dont mind him doing a couple lines every month or 2, then he wouldnt binge and wouldnt need any more than that. Now is this possible or is he in denial? Would it be enabling him? Or can it be recreational? Of course i want to believe him, but i just thought i'd get some advice.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,501
Hi and Welcome,
My suggestion would be to get to know this man a LOT better before you move in with him. Why rush it, especially when you have children involved. Let time tell you the answer.
You might also want to check out the NarAnon forum on this board where you'll find people with similar situations.
My suggestion would be to get to know this man a LOT better before you move in with him. Why rush it, especially when you have children involved. Let time tell you the answer.
You might also want to check out the NarAnon forum on this board where you'll find people with similar situations.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 859
Hi Melissa and welcome to SR!
Wow, tough situation here and I am so sorry for all of you that your going through it. This is just my opinion but for what it is worth, I hope it can shed some light.
I was a cocaine/crack user. I am STILL an addict even though I havent touched either in over 2 years. I almost lost everything. Can it be done in moderation? (Again, my opinion) NO WAY! For starters, this is a highly illegal substance, he was in your van with your bankcard, and was "going to see someone he owed money" which went from $40 to 300.00 in small amounts and him not coming in until the next day......Lets look at this........ (again, coming from my personal experience) He obviously is now further in debt (to you) then he was when he left, also, he more then likely knew before he ever left that he wasnt going to "pay a debt". Had he been pulled over while out and had anything on him, you would have lost your van at least temporarily if not for good.....not to mention what he would have faced......there goes a TON more money!
Now on to the addiction part......I say no way to moderation because from experience, occasionally leads to a little more occasionally to often to right back into daily. By basically asking you permission to do "a couple lines a month" he is seeking justification for his use, I mean after all, if you agree to it then he "doesnt have a problem" right?! And yes, IMO, this is a form of enabling. Check out the lyrics to Metallica's song called "Master of Puppets" it is the cocaine talking to you and very fitting as it is true.
BUT...... I also see a flipside to this coin.......
He went out and used, came home full of shame and regret and told you what happened.... this to me is a call for help rather he realizes it yet or not. I see the person you love reaching out to you while the addict in him is trying to hold that door open just a little bit by saying "once a month".
You need to think of you and your kids FIRST!!! If he loves you and the girls and doesnt want to lose you, he will seek help.......for himself AND you. Addiction is evil for the addict as well as the loved ones.....it lies and plays tricks and will tell the addict everything you can come up with in order to justify using.....he has to want to beat the addiction, he has to want to make the changes needed to not allow himself the "once every month or so" use. It is HIS choice and until He is ready, it wont happen. But it CAN be done!!
Meanwhile, you have to decide what you want, and stick to it. No more giving him cash or the bankcard etc. Trust me, he "slipped" this time and still has the mindset that it is ok once in awhile.......his addiction knows every trick and lie in the book and next time, 300$ could be 600$ or worse.
Ok, I have been very windy this morning and will stop here. You may want to check out the friends and family section of these boards as well, there is a ton of support and advice to be found. Im sure there are a lot of ideas and suggestions waiting for you. I wish you the best....for yourself and your family. If you ever want to pm me, please feel free, Im here anytime and can try to give you answers or insight from the addicts view.
Liss
Wow, tough situation here and I am so sorry for all of you that your going through it. This is just my opinion but for what it is worth, I hope it can shed some light.
I was a cocaine/crack user. I am STILL an addict even though I havent touched either in over 2 years. I almost lost everything. Can it be done in moderation? (Again, my opinion) NO WAY! For starters, this is a highly illegal substance, he was in your van with your bankcard, and was "going to see someone he owed money" which went from $40 to 300.00 in small amounts and him not coming in until the next day......Lets look at this........ (again, coming from my personal experience) He obviously is now further in debt (to you) then he was when he left, also, he more then likely knew before he ever left that he wasnt going to "pay a debt". Had he been pulled over while out and had anything on him, you would have lost your van at least temporarily if not for good.....not to mention what he would have faced......there goes a TON more money!
Now on to the addiction part......I say no way to moderation because from experience, occasionally leads to a little more occasionally to often to right back into daily. By basically asking you permission to do "a couple lines a month" he is seeking justification for his use, I mean after all, if you agree to it then he "doesnt have a problem" right?! And yes, IMO, this is a form of enabling. Check out the lyrics to Metallica's song called "Master of Puppets" it is the cocaine talking to you and very fitting as it is true.
BUT...... I also see a flipside to this coin.......
He went out and used, came home full of shame and regret and told you what happened.... this to me is a call for help rather he realizes it yet or not. I see the person you love reaching out to you while the addict in him is trying to hold that door open just a little bit by saying "once a month".
You need to think of you and your kids FIRST!!! If he loves you and the girls and doesnt want to lose you, he will seek help.......for himself AND you. Addiction is evil for the addict as well as the loved ones.....it lies and plays tricks and will tell the addict everything you can come up with in order to justify using.....he has to want to beat the addiction, he has to want to make the changes needed to not allow himself the "once every month or so" use. It is HIS choice and until He is ready, it wont happen. But it CAN be done!!
Meanwhile, you have to decide what you want, and stick to it. No more giving him cash or the bankcard etc. Trust me, he "slipped" this time and still has the mindset that it is ok once in awhile.......his addiction knows every trick and lie in the book and next time, 300$ could be 600$ or worse.
Ok, I have been very windy this morning and will stop here. You may want to check out the friends and family section of these boards as well, there is a ton of support and advice to be found. Im sure there are a lot of ideas and suggestions waiting for you. I wish you the best....for yourself and your family. If you ever want to pm me, please feel free, Im here anytime and can try to give you answers or insight from the addicts view.
Liss
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Melissa welcome to SR.
I think there may be some really great people over in Naranon that can relate to your story.
Come on over...I'll save a seat
In the meantime, A few things come to mind is that I have learned the hard way:
Addicts rarely admit to being one when first discovered
Recreational drug use RARELY stays recreational
Everyone has their own defination of "recreational"
The same charges are filed for buying, selling and/or possession whether an addict or recreational user.
NO one, not you, not the kids and not superman himself can dicide that he needs to quit. Its got to be him and it doesn't sound as if he's seeing that yet.
Come on over...we'd love to hear from you in Naranon!
(((hugs))))
Cece
I think there may be some really great people over in Naranon that can relate to your story.
Come on over...I'll save a seat
In the meantime, A few things come to mind is that I have learned the hard way:
Addicts rarely admit to being one when first discovered
Recreational drug use RARELY stays recreational
Everyone has their own defination of "recreational"
The same charges are filed for buying, selling and/or possession whether an addict or recreational user.
NO one, not you, not the kids and not superman himself can dicide that he needs to quit. Its got to be him and it doesn't sound as if he's seeing that yet.
Come on over...we'd love to hear from you in Naranon!
(((hugs))))
Cece
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
Originally Posted by Lollipop
You need to think of you and your kids FIRST!!! If he loves you and the girls and doesnt want to lose you, he will seek help.......for himself AND you. Addiction is evil for the addict as well as the loved ones.....it lies and plays tricks and will tell the addict everything you can come up with in order to justify using.....he has to want to beat the addiction, he has to want to make the changes needed to not allow himself the "once every month or so" use. It is HIS choice and until He is ready, it wont happen. But it CAN be done!!
Meanwhile, you have to decide what you want, and stick to it. No more giving him cash or the bankcard etc. Trust me, he "slipped" this time and still has the mindset that it is ok once in awhile.......his addiction knows every trick and lie in the book and next time, 300$ could be 600$ or worse.
Liss
Meanwhile, you have to decide what you want, and stick to it. No more giving him cash or the bankcard etc. Trust me, he "slipped" this time and still has the mindset that it is ok once in awhile.......his addiction knows every trick and lie in the book and next time, 300$ could be 600$ or worse.
LissOk, I have a very different view on this matter... YOU ARE A SINGLE MOM WITH TWO LITTLE KIDS... WHY TAKE THE CHANCE?
The reason I have quoted the above is that the description of what the addict does and is is very clear and well described. However, to be clear, he does not want to beat the addiction... my little sister pulls this... just once in a while dear... load a crap... she takes off and binges for several days every month or so and then returns home moody, irritable, having spent funds they don't have and can't afford, lies about it and then blames her common law for everything... meanwhile her baby (2 yr old) is left to wonder what happened to mom for several days. Its a load of crap. If you want to quit, you quit... there is no just a couple rails once in a while...
Be clear, cocaine is one of the most addictive substances on the planet. It is supplied by very bad people... bikers, gangs, etc. If you get into these type of people for money, they will come after you and anyone around you for their money. Addicts, while actively using, will do and say anything to get their fix. That means the next time could be ... gee hon, sorry but I emptied the bank account or gee hon, sorry but I owed some guys some money so they took the van... then where are you sitting? You are sitting with no money, no vehicle and babies to look after... plus this guy as another baby.
You also mentioned he lives at home still and that he binged b/c of not wanting to come home... this is an excuse for what he is doing... just like the excuse of sorry I'm an addict and I didn't think I'd use again... He is being dishonest... at what point will his dishonesty start to cause you problems... from the outset... he went through 300 of your cash that you need for you and your babies.
I have no issue with anyone that wants to work through an addiction with their spouse who is an addict, but I am totally against you trying to do this with someone who isn't even your spouse yet when you have two babies to think of. IMO you have enough on your plate, you don't need this to boot.
Another point, he still lives at home... why is that? How old is he? I mean come on, you are an adult, move out and get a life... it doesn't sound like he is there for a reason... say saving money to buy a home, starting over after losing everything in a fire, etc. Why is he still living at home?
You are a mom and you have a responsibility to your children to provide a safe, happy and stable home. Bringing an addict into the equation will seriously compromise your efforts to have a safe, happy and stable home.
This is all just IMO, but seriously think about what you are possibly exposing your children too. It is not good. If you are to do this, seriously slow down and let him live with his parents until you know whether or not he is really clean or an addict in denial.
In the meantime, do not give him your van, do not give him your bank cards or visa or mastercard or anything of value... I would go so far as to say do not leave him alone with your children... what if he gets an overwhelming urge to use while he is caring for them... some users will literally just leave the kids and go and use... or use while they are there... I do a lot of child protection cases (i'm a lawyer) and this type of situation comes up far more frequently than you might realize. The ministry of child services doesn't care if you don't use, so long as the kids are at risk from someone like this, the kids get taken away. Do you want that possibility too?
Peace, Levi
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
So now he says that if I dont mind him doing a couple lines every month or 2, then he wouldnt binge and wouldnt need any more than that. Now is this possible or is he in denial? Would it be enabling him? Or can it be recreational? Of course i want to believe him, but i just thought i'd get some advice.
Go read all the 'stickys' on the Friends and Family Forum here and the Naranon forum here. I am sorry but you are about to get involved with someone who can and probably will Wreck Your Life As You Know It Now.
The only thing you can tell him that would make any sense at all is to check back with you when he has been CLEAN AND SOBER for TWO CONTINUOUS YEARS.
Please, please, do not subject those precious children to living with a using addict. Oh and by the way, he will probably end up with a problem, if he doesn't already have one with alcohol also.
You asked if he was in denial, he probably is, and he's probably got his family convinced right now also. As much as you think "you love him." Look at the reality, he has already LIED TO YOU AND STOLEN FROM YOU. This is just the tip of the iceberg, it will get WORSE.
Change the pin number on your ATM card, and get him to sign a piece of paper stating when and how he will repay the $300.00. If you are going to let him stay in your life, then show him the door and send him NA. Set the boundaries and keep them, watch HIS ACTIONS, don't listen to his words. Guard your purse, your children's piggy banks, your vehicle keys, lock up your checks, jewelry, etc. DO NOT MOVE IN TOGETHER, until he is Clean and Sober at least 2 years.
I apologize if this post seems harsh, but when I read your post I had BIG RED FLAGS going off in my head screaming DANGER, DANGER.
Please keep posting and let us kjnow how you are doing, we do care.
Love and hugs,
Liss
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Old Home Terra
Posts: 4,272
I have to stand solidly with Leviathon and Laurie on this one... Gird your loins, girl!!!
Your first response was the correct one. Everything since then has been him and his addiction trying to chip away at your resolve. Don't let it happen!
Forgive him and move on, of course. But don't let him near your life and your kids.
"Just a little bit every once in a while" is like a "just a little bit pregnant". Its sure to grow over time and when it does, nothing else will matter -- just like with a pregnancy.
Wait until he's clean for two years before even considering letting this guy near your life again. As others have pointed out, he's already lied, stolen from you, and deceived you. It will happen again. Is this what you want your kids exposed to? What AREN'T you going to be able to do for their needs with the $300 he's already stolen? ... Anything short of telling him "goodbye" will be a form of enabling him, in my opinion.
You are placing the welfare of your children into his hands just by allowing him to be a part of your life in any manner. You are turning your kids over to the chemical whims of a coke addict while you intentionally turn a "blind eye" if you don't tell him goodbye firmly and immediately.
Why did "I need to run $40 over to my friend" turn into a "I didn't see him until the next day and $300 was missing" situation? Surely it wasn't planned? But then it never is. One way or another it will happen again... What if next time its a "hey man, I'll give you this 8-ball if you just let me be alone with the kids for an hour -- if anyone asks I'll just say you were passed out and didn't know".
Think about it. You know what's right. The welfare of your kids has to come first.
Originally Posted by melissa17142006
I told him it's over bcuz of my kids
Forgive him and move on, of course. But don't let him near your life and your kids.
"Just a little bit every once in a while" is like a "just a little bit pregnant". Its sure to grow over time and when it does, nothing else will matter -- just like with a pregnancy.
Wait until he's clean for two years before even considering letting this guy near your life again. As others have pointed out, he's already lied, stolen from you, and deceived you. It will happen again. Is this what you want your kids exposed to? What AREN'T you going to be able to do for their needs with the $300 he's already stolen? ... Anything short of telling him "goodbye" will be a form of enabling him, in my opinion.
You are placing the welfare of your children into his hands just by allowing him to be a part of your life in any manner. You are turning your kids over to the chemical whims of a coke addict while you intentionally turn a "blind eye" if you don't tell him goodbye firmly and immediately.
Why did "I need to run $40 over to my friend" turn into a "I didn't see him until the next day and $300 was missing" situation? Surely it wasn't planned? But then it never is. One way or another it will happen again... What if next time its a "hey man, I'll give you this 8-ball if you just let me be alone with the kids for an hour -- if anyone asks I'll just say you were passed out and didn't know".
Think about it. You know what's right. The welfare of your kids has to come first.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: California
Posts: 972
I'm sorry you fell in love with an addict but I'm happy for you that he only stole 2 months of your love and 300 bucks.. It could've been so much worse. It will get worse if you continue to "be there" for him or "help" him. You've gotten some good advice and I pray you follow it.
I'm an addict.
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Hyde Park, NY
Posts: 1,201
I am an addict and I know where this dude is comming from, I told those lies too....
THe absolute best thing you could do is to run as far away from this relationship as you can. It is what is best for you and what is best for your children. Maybe the dude will get better, maybe he won't....if he doesn't, and yall stay together, you and your children will go through hell. An actively using addict only thinks of themselves.
Good luck...
THe absolute best thing you could do is to run as far away from this relationship as you can. It is what is best for you and what is best for your children. Maybe the dude will get better, maybe he won't....if he doesn't, and yall stay together, you and your children will go through hell. An actively using addict only thinks of themselves.
Good luck...
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Run and don't look back... from one sober alcoholic.
Tough to do I know.. but his story is lathered with bs already.. "Once or twice a month" ... uhhh how much did he pull out of your account in one night?
Nope, nope, a dissappointment I'm sure but KYA show him the door an most of all don't have regrets.
Tough to do I know.. but his story is lathered with bs already.. "Once or twice a month" ... uhhh how much did he pull out of your account in one night?
Nope, nope, a dissappointment I'm sure but KYA show him the door an most of all don't have regrets.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
The thing is, he's not a severe addict and hasnt done it for long. He did it every day for a few months and since then it has just been binging every month or so. He said he wouldnt even binge except that he lives at home and was always afraid to come home. Then staying with me he thought if he came home high i'd throw him out or something. So now he says that if I dont mind him doing a couple lines every month or 2, then he wouldnt binge and wouldnt need any more than that. Now is this possible or is he in denial? Would it be enabling him? Or can it be recreational? Of course i want to believe him, but i just thought i'd get some advice.
He's playing on your innocense sweetie. RUN RUN RUN.....
If you stay with him, you are inviting your girls and yourself into
a world of hell that you don't want.
Run, and don't look back.........
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Newfie-Land, Mo
Posts: 1,623
I am an addict and I would also advise you to not move in with him and maybe get some distance until he can get himself under control.....you will be in for so much more grief if you don't ....
I would also be thankful you found out before you got any farther....I know it stinks but if he really loves you, he will understand your choice....you do not want to put your kids through this...the lifestyle is terrible and I would hate to think of what could happen to them if they are drawn closer to it....
Be safe and protect you and your kids !!!
Good Luck and let us know how you are holding up.
~Peace~B
I would also be thankful you found out before you got any farther....I know it stinks but if he really loves you, he will understand your choice....you do not want to put your kids through this...the lifestyle is terrible and I would hate to think of what could happen to them if they are drawn closer to it....
Be safe and protect you and your kids !!!
Good Luck and let us know how you are holding up.
~Peace~B
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 675
Originally Posted by melissa17142006
I have been dating a wonderful man for 2 months now. We are always together. We have met each others family several times and are together day and night 24/7. I have 2 daughters (2 & 3yrs old). The problem is that last week at 6:15pm he asked if he could have $40 and take the van to see his friend that he owed this money to. I said no problem and gave him my bank card and he left. That may sound strange but we are getting ready to move in together so it was not at all weird. I know it's very fast but we hit it off so well and our families are so approving and supportive. I did not see him again until the next morning at 10:30am. I called his family and they hadnt heard from him and we were all worried. Through out the night i had a total over $300 missing from my account in small amounts.
When he pulled up in the morning he sat in the van until i went out to him. He looked at me and said something that broke my heart. He said "I have a cocaine problem". I will never forget the look on his face, his voice, everything. I was beyond surprised. I love him, i know his family, he's close with my girls, i cant believe this. I am also upset that his family didnt tell me this or at least tell me not to worry, cancel your bank card and he'll be home in the morning. He said he'd been clean for 3 months and didnt think he'd ever do it again so he thought he didnt have to tell me. I told him it's over bcuz of my kids and he cried and wouldnt leave, just sat outside. He told me that he never, ever thought i would end it with him but just be pissed off. I told him no, he was wrong. He said he never would have done it if he knew he'd lose me. He said he will never do it again because he knows now that he would lose my girls and I forever if he does. I really dont know how to handle this. I of course feel like such a fool and now im just in over my head. I want to be with him bcuz aside from this, he's wonderful. No one would *ever* suspect this from him, ever.
The thing is, he's not a severe addict and hasnt done it for long. He did it every day for a few months and since then it has just been binging every month or so. He said he wouldnt even binge except that he lives at home and was always afraid to come home. Then staying with me he thought if he came home high i'd throw him out or something. So now he says that if I dont mind him doing a couple lines every month or 2, then he wouldnt binge and wouldnt need any more than that. Now is this possible or is he in denial? Would it be enabling him? Or can it be recreational? Of course i want to believe him, but i just thought i'd get some advice.
When he pulled up in the morning he sat in the van until i went out to him. He looked at me and said something that broke my heart. He said "I have a cocaine problem". I will never forget the look on his face, his voice, everything. I was beyond surprised. I love him, i know his family, he's close with my girls, i cant believe this. I am also upset that his family didnt tell me this or at least tell me not to worry, cancel your bank card and he'll be home in the morning. He said he'd been clean for 3 months and didnt think he'd ever do it again so he thought he didnt have to tell me. I told him it's over bcuz of my kids and he cried and wouldnt leave, just sat outside. He told me that he never, ever thought i would end it with him but just be pissed off. I told him no, he was wrong. He said he never would have done it if he knew he'd lose me. He said he will never do it again because he knows now that he would lose my girls and I forever if he does. I really dont know how to handle this. I of course feel like such a fool and now im just in over my head. I want to be with him bcuz aside from this, he's wonderful. No one would *ever* suspect this from him, ever.
The thing is, he's not a severe addict and hasnt done it for long. He did it every day for a few months and since then it has just been binging every month or so. He said he wouldnt even binge except that he lives at home and was always afraid to come home. Then staying with me he thought if he came home high i'd throw him out or something. So now he says that if I dont mind him doing a couple lines every month or 2, then he wouldnt binge and wouldnt need any more than that. Now is this possible or is he in denial? Would it be enabling him? Or can it be recreational? Of course i want to believe him, but i just thought i'd get some advice.
Firstly,....who gives someone their atm code? Especially someone who they've only known 2 months? Yes that DOES sound weird. And, no, moving in with someone you JUST MET doesnt "un"-weird it. And this term "recreational" has got to go. Coke is ILLEGAL. Do you want a controlled, highly illegal, substance in your home??? In ANY amount?? Your first priority in life,....I'm sorry,....is no longer YOU. Its your children. Do you want your little girls around cocaine? Around someone who does cocaine? And this song and dance about doing "a couple lines a month" is just laughable. He has a drug problem. Drug addicts cant "decide" to do only a couple lines a month. He will be robbing you blind, and selling your appliances in no time flat. He had your ATM card for, like, 9 seconds.........look what he did. Does that sound like the actions of a man who can "tone it down to a couple lines a month"?? Do you know what baby squirrels grow up to be? They grow up to be squirrels. Ya know why? Because their Mommas and Papas were squirrels. Do you really want a cocaine addict raising your children?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
Wow Melissa, I was worried I was a bit harsh, but it seems I was anything but harsh on this point.
We are all writing out of concern for you. We are not saying he is a bad person. We are saying this will get worse before there is any hope of it getting better b/c he is obviosly in denial and is looking for someone to enable that denial and allow the dependence to grow.
Trust me, I know what it means to be lonely... I have been single for the past three to four years. Some days I'd give anything to have someone to snuggle with... or so it seems, then again, I reject that when I get back to my senses and realize that it would be more trouble than it is worth to have the brief warmth of being with someone messed up.
Stay strong for you and your kids, the right guy is out there for you, just don't rush into things. If someone really loves you, there is no need to rush into anything, it will happen all of its own accord.
Peace, Levi
We are all writing out of concern for you. We are not saying he is a bad person. We are saying this will get worse before there is any hope of it getting better b/c he is obviosly in denial and is looking for someone to enable that denial and allow the dependence to grow.
Trust me, I know what it means to be lonely... I have been single for the past three to four years. Some days I'd give anything to have someone to snuggle with... or so it seems, then again, I reject that when I get back to my senses and realize that it would be more trouble than it is worth to have the brief warmth of being with someone messed up.
Stay strong for you and your kids, the right guy is out there for you, just don't rush into things. If someone really loves you, there is no need to rush into anything, it will happen all of its own accord.
Peace, Levi
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