marriedithink

Maybe not a big deal, but I haven't seen or heard from him since the underwear on Monday morning. He was at the house today while I was at work. Anyway, my daughter asked him if he was going to be back tonight and he said "I don't know, how's your mom feeling? I don't want to get yelled at."
I hate when he says things like that to her. So she said well maybe you shouldn't.
So he called me a while later, after my daughter had told me that. I heard the tone immediately, the let's pretend tone. I immediately said. Maggie told me of your concern, and I apologize for yelling the other day. I said I lost it. I quickly said, I won't yell anymore. I will try and make this as easy as possible for both of us. Tone changed and his reply was a nasty OH!
I said I'll talk to you later, I have to get back to work, good-bye.
Monday's meeting with the lawyer can't come fast enough.

Live

I swear I can hear the "oh"!

prodigal

I lived with that to the point where I thought I was going to lose my own mind! I couldn't believe someone who was so out of control on booze could be so psychotically controlled when it came to the "pretend-it-didn't-happen-game." It took me quite a while to realize he played that game drunk or sober (and still does). Basically, it's really the game called "let's-not-deal-with-reality-and-life."

I just go about my own business and am taking the steps necessary to get the hell outta this asylum!

Just stay noncommital, don't argue, don't get involved in pointless discussions - detach is the name of the game. Sounds to me as if you're handling the situation quite well.

best

You are seeing how it works.
Recovery grows when we see it happen before us.

I am proud of you and your daughter as well.

lostnotfound

That pretty much defines the eight years of my marriage. He does whatever he wants and in the morning we pretend it didn't happen. I'm done pretending now, but he still is. We are negotiating our dissolution that "he doesn't want". Why would he want it? He had everything just the way he liked it ( but was still miserable). I was the one suffering, but he can't see it.

marriedithink

It's all so amazing to me sometimes. He can be very controlled. Staying strong though. Another phone call yesterday, the excuse of asking about our daughter. I made the answer quick and said okay I have to go. I got the " Wait....How are you?" I'm fine, how are you? Very sad, I'm fine. I said good, I have to go. Good-Bye.
Maybe no one wants a play by play of these phone calls, but for me it's big progress, before by now I would be asking him questions of some kind. I can honestly say though, I am not interested in what he's doing or how he's spending his time. I believe he is seeing that change too. He's panicking.

denny57

married - don't worry whether anyone wants a play by play. you're doing great. for me, the longer i remained detached, the clearer my thinking became and i suddenly found i wasn't interested either - in how he was spending his time or entering back into a chaotic world.

good for you.