FallGirl

Hi,
i've been coming to SR now for about a week, i'm on day #9 of life without alcohol!
i've been thinking though, and wanted to get some input - are any of you getting sober for someone else? (spouse/significant other/ parent/child)
don't get me wrong - i feel better than i have in a long time, but part of me feels like if i wasn't married, i really wouldn't care and i would probably still be drinking - that scares me.
actually if i wasn't married, i'd probably be dead - he's had to carry me in the house more times than i can count, and a couple of times he's prevented me from choking on my own vomit! (aren't i a prize!)
i feel though, that i don't want my husband to be married to an alcoholic loser, but if i wasn't with him, i don't know ....

anyone feel like this?

Thanks!

FallGirl

brdlvr

I'm single and I sometimes feel the opposite. That if I was married to a non drinker, then it would be easier. I want to quit for me. My pattern has always been to date other drinkers/alcoholics and like you said - they always helped me, watched over me etc when I've gone overboard. I know my xbf always tried quitting for me or his family and it NEVER worked. He is finally realizing that he has to quit for him cuz it will be him that the (booze) kills.

best

Been there and done that.

If I wasn't married, I think I would be dead. Being married gave me an added reason to stop. If I wasn't married...why care? It's just me.
Any reason is a good reason. When we do for others, we soon find out that we do for ourself along the way. You will find the same answers I did and I know you will find peace as you continue towards a sober life.

FallGirl

i think thats right - at least for now. any reason is a good reason - as long as it keeps me from drinking!

FallGirl

best

Married, two children at the time, had done enough wrong that the fear of jail or death would catch up with me. When I stopped, it wasn't for me, it was for the three most important people in my life.
Stopping for them became stopping for me when I started to realize...hey a sober life can be fun. A different fun then the drinking (so called fun). Over time I started to find a real fun to life.

Stay with your choice, you will find the same.
There may be struggles along the way but believe me...it is so worth it to take a walk through any struggles because what is on the other side is better.

Blood500

I feel like that right now. I feel like if i wasnt on these two probations and have all these drug test that I wouldent even be trying this agian. 2morrow will be a hard day for me, right now thats all that is really going through my mind, is that I could use 2morrow and get away with it. But I will address that as the time comes and pray I make it through. One thing tho is before my first attempt at gettin clean back in Nov. I used even tho I had drug test and was goin to go to jail nuttin stoped me, but I can look at the as a blessing I guess because it was the reason I ended up going to rehab.

best

We may each have a reason and blessing that gets us here. Getting here is the part we are truly blessed with.
yes...tomorrow we will deal with when tomorrow gets here.
For today I am sober and enjoying life as best I can.

NEEDTOBESOBER

I am quitting for myself and also for my health, my husband was the type who would think if I just drank in moderation that it would be ok, although he did mention a couple of times about trying to not drink for a few days and to cut down, but once he told me I was a grown woman and when I am ready to quit that I will and he wasn't going to tell me that I had to quit.

scootinbabe

I know that doing it for my husband and kids is the right thing to do--and they do really influence me--but the only reason I think I am sticking to sobriety this time (for what-now about 3 weeks and 3 days...) is that I realized that I had to do it for ME. I was so sick of myself. And so sick of living a life of shame and isolation and depression. I had no where to go but up. Even if I lost everything, I would have to live with myself (I don't want to lay any burden on my kids/spouse if I "offed" myself). I had to realize that no one else could do this for me and d@mnit it was worth it. Why can't I be proud of myself for once? It's about time!

Whatever your reasons, I'm glad you're here too!

Phinneas

Hey, FallGirl - nice to see you again!

I tried to quit for the job, the law, the husband... and on and on. It just never worked until I reached that point of hopless demoralization where I surrendered and quit for myself.

The great news is that you can stop that elevator before it hits bottom. Learn from the mistakes of others, FallGirl, and quit for good. I also strongly encourage you to go to AA and listen to the stories there. Look for the similarities, not the differences. Hope, support and a whole new way of life are available to you. All you need to do it reach out and grab it.

I am cheering you on!

nogard

I like best's reasoning.

I live on my own and stopped for me but I can see how it could happen that we quit for a partner or someone else. In the end it does not matter as being clean and sober soon becomes for us I believe.

Also I have found that quitting for me effects many many people faround me every day so maybe there is a way that I also quit for them

Kevin (aka wannabe Cabana boy)

Dreamz

I'm staying clean because someone I love told me to. At first I hated them, they cut me off from being able to get any meth and because I didn't actually want to quit I HATED them for making me stop. But he was right. After the cravings stopped (they still come and go) I started to realise that life was better without it. I went 8 months hating the person who has helped me improve the quality of my life - and only now am I able to say thank-you.

I don't think it matters how you get clean or sober, the reasons why you're doing it. I think the only thing that matters is the fact that you are actually doing it!!!

Does that make sense???

FallGirl

THAT TOTALLY MAKES SENSE!
whenever my husband would tell me i shouldn't drink so much, i would get hostile and call him a "control freak". and this past weekend - i definately had hateful feelings toward him because I wanted a drink (my husband and i almost always drank on the weekends - me more than him- but we would bbq, and have a few beers or whatever) and he wasn't caving in to my evil glares! part of me thought - it'll get back to normal, and we'll drink on weekends, which would turn into me sneaking again during the week - but he didn't/hasn't caved - Thank God!
Thanks again everyone! and i think your all right - it doesn't matter why I stopped - the point is I've stopped!

FallGirl

Live

Actions speak louder than words. I was taught that way early...preschool in my life.....so to mirror a beer ad....why ask why?
You are better, that is all that matters.

Erin

Well... in my case I had to choose continuing drinking in a relationship that was not working or quit drinking and choose me.

I choose me and have no regrets.

I think, as mentioned above, any reason and motivation is good reason.

But I don't think I could have quit if it were for someone else. It's ultimately me doing the work and me being committed everyday and me living with myself. And there's a huge level of satisfaction in that.

FallGirl

it's just finally gotten to the point that if I don't try to be sober - my husband is going to leave me. he hasn't said those exact words - but I feel like that is where we are headed.
I've known for the past few months my drinking has been out of control - I think my husband was the final nudge I needed to get sober. If I didn't have him, I'd still be reaching for the beer and saying stuff like " after tonight, I really need to slow down -" (glug,glug,glug!) and we all know how much that works!

FallGirl

Blood500

I failed, I got the H in my room, but I havent done it yet. I left probation and got some good news, no jail this week lol. So I was in a good mood drivin home, and I dont know I just went and picked up. I dont even want to do it, wtf lol. my boys on his way to rehab as I type this and 2 other good friends in jail for a year or so. I have gotten luckey and just keep skimmin my way passed going to jail somehow, but I still use. what to do, what to do.

FallGirl

DON'T DO IT!!! Just keep posting here, or go do something - ANYTHING BUT USING!!!

we're here for you - be strong!



FallGirl

best

Your choice..waste it or waste you. One of the choices will improve your chances, one could...well I am sure you know the what ifs of using.

Just for today.... Just for this moment if that is what it takes...Say No and don't use.. Flush it just may be the thing that could save your life.

Pray and pray some more and say no.

BigSis

Fallgirl -

You know, I only got into recovery two years ago. And the program I got in was Alanon. I was told OVER AND OVER that folks need to get sober for "themselves"; that getting sober with another person meant if one went out, the other one risked his or HER sobriety by staying with that partner.

But you know what? I got sober in 1983, and it was Mr. Big's idea. My dad got sober because my mom set a boundary and yet, when MY kid met someone in rehab and hooked up with him, all I could remember was 'OH NO! This WON'T WORK!!! SHE IS RISKING HER SOBRIETY!!!!".



Even though that is what worked for me.

Today, my meth-addicted daughter and her meth-addicted husband have over a year of sobriety, are married and expecting a baby any day.

I think there are planned interventions - with family, friends and a counselor all setting boundaries and giving choices and then there are "natural" interventions.... when a spouse says, "I've had enough" or "I can't date you if you can't be sober".

Whatever works.... works.

I wish you the best.