gymrat

Hey everyone. Haven't been on in awhile. Today is day 18 *****!. I had to drive (well my husband had to drive me because I don't have a liscence) two hours to take care of old buisness. I didn't take care of my first DUI and there was a warrant out for my arrest. I took care of the warrant and today I had to sign up for the work program. They added another two days because I violated probation and didn't take care of it the first time. Besides all the fines I originally got, they doubled the cost of the program because I didn't show up the first time. O.K. I deserved that. The most humiliating part was that I had to be rebooked. They took my picture and finger printed me again. I don't really remember ever being booked before because I was drunk, but today I am sober and it was humiliating. All I wanted to do was cry!!!!! This is just a reminder to me where my disease has taken me. The officer at first was very cold and uncaring, but after awhile was much kinder. I didn't argue about the extra money I said to her "I guess if I can't abide by the laws I need to pay the consequences." I took care of what I had to and this is progress for me, but I feel so ashamed of all the damage I have caused to so many. My family want"s nothing to do with me. All I have left is my husband. I feel like I am such a burdan and disappointment to him!. Feeling remorseful. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. I only have today and today I did not take a drink. Thanks everyone for being there!

BeamMeUpScotty

Hello Gymrat,

Well, I know it might be difficult, but if you can pull out even a modicum of pride and sense of self-achievement for what you have done, you deserve it. Like you said, it's progress. Instead of taking the easy route and drinking, you bit the bullet and took responsibility. And I was worried about calling my parents today after I had emailed them I fell off the wagon!! What you did took a lot of courage, and you did it with respect and humility. Not a lot of people conduct themselves that way even in the best of times. You seem like you're doing a lot of soul-searching, which I need to do as well, so I'm confident you will heal relationships and move on and help others. You've already helped me today by helping me realize the good things I have in life.

Take care of yourself.

gymrat

Thanks for your reply BeamMeUpScotty. You took me out of myself. I hope by posting my hardships I can help others. Don't worrry about what others think about falling of the wagon. Pick yourself up and do the next right thing. Don't drink for today. My thoughts are with you.

wantachange

What you had to do today took an amazing amount of courage. You stood and looked at your circumstances with a full audience. Running, ignoring, drinking it away would have all floated through my mind, but you did it! That is quite an accomplishment and you should be proud of the way you handled it.

As for your spouse and family....Your spouse obviously cares deeply about your well being (IMO) and is supporting you from the sidelines because this is your game. Your family...ahhh...I have trouble with my own, but like you'll see so many times on this board is the advice you can only take care of your feelings and heal yourself. When you start to heal yourself, maybe you can repair the relationships. I'm in the same boat and I wish you all the best - I'm rooting for you from the sidelines!

CarolD

Gymrat, awesome!!

Blessings to you and your husband