prodigal

I realize that sounds somewhat like a dumb question, but from what I've read there are A's who quit and never go back to drinking. Unfortunately, the problems they tried to drink away and the old behaviors remain. I just wondered if more dry drunks relapse than stay dry. I figure there is a study for just about every disease out there, so I wanted to know if there's any statistical data regarding dry drunk relapses.

I'm obviously asking because I see it coming - all the signs are there - and I'm waiting for the **** to hit the fan. At least, that's what I'm observing in my own situation ....

Beautiful

Could be. I address the behaviors when necessary because IMO, the drinking isn't the problem, it's the behaviors that surface when the drinking occurs.

The drinking is just an easier excuse to blame than the behaviors themselves.

DesertEyes

I'm so sorry to hear that, prodigal. As far as it affects _your_ life, what difference does it make what the studies say? If you focus on taking care of _you_, and of protecting yourself from the damage and the pain of a husband who's behavior is harmful to you (drinking or not) then you will be able to get yourself out of that situation and get back to a healthy, good life.

All the studies in the world aren't going to do you any good if you do not take action to protect yourself.

Mike

best

Is the issue the drinking or the behaviors?

Drinking or not, boundries need be held. I was dry for many months before I said enough. I became sick and tired of me. Boundaries held helped her stay in a place she could live with.
He will do what he will do. Keep your own space how you want it to be.

Do something nice for you and let him deal with his issues.

CatsTail

I'm living that situation right now Prodigal.

As an A I'll tell you it happens often, we call it white knuckle sobriety in A.A sober with no program.. An A with no program has no serenity or blueprint for dealing with life on life terms so they are always unhappy.

Their old behaviours remain.

Ngaire

elizabeth1979

Hey Prod,
Yes at one time, my ex was sober for a little over a month. He was by all means a dry drunk, no recovery. He began drinking after that month.
That month was no better for me than whilst he was drinking. The behavior had not changed.

loristreily

You know what though? My Husband has been sober, so to say, for 17 months but now that he has bettered himself,with his higher power, he has this "holier than thou"attitude and is telling me How spiritually sick I am, and how I need to work on my issues because he has. And not once has he said how sorry he is or that he apologizes for what havoc he reeked on me financially or emotionally. If that is not the pot calling the kettle black?

Five

Hey there prodigal, yes there are some good studies on teh natural course of alcoholisim at

www.peele.net

He uses (as far as I can tell) good science to make his claims.

pmaslan

Ditto to all above the above....
Actually perfered him drinking than the dry drunk he was.

elizabeth1979

I am not sure I had a preference, but what it did was open my eyes. I had thought he would just stop drinking and be a gem. Not so much. 6 of one, 1/2 dozen of another..

pmaslan

I guess what I mean to say is that a least he spoke to me
while drinking and appeared to actually love me while drinking.
Sober was a grunt here and a grunt there. A lot of isolation on
his part. Now I understand why he was like that, but I didn't then.

elizabeth1979

Oh I totally understand what you mean Patty

mfisher

When AH would go "on the wagon" it way just the wagon ride to the next drunk. I hated the "non drinking times" or "dry drunk times" It felt like you were just waiting for the next shoe to fall, praying that no stressor would come along and be the excuse to drink.
He wasn't supplying himself with the tools to cope. Life became consumed with "not drinking" and not filling that void with anything possitive.
I changed the words to that song "You ain't much fun since you quit drinkin"
Just my experience.
It is horrible to say, but sometimes I felt like going down and buying him the bottle just to get it over with.

Cynay

I believe my first post was something to the effect that I liked my ex better when he was drinking.

When my ex stopped it was not only hell cuz stopped, it was hell cuz of the lifestyle change too. He would not go around people that drank (including family) so at Thanksgiving I (being codi) actually asked my friends to not serve alcohol. He would only hang out with AA people and spout slogans and at that time It would totally tick me off. I hated AA, him and my life at the time.

It did not last long though and we broke up. I still say God did for me what I would/could not do for myself then. I thank him every day for that.... maybe that is why Im trusting him with the most current breakup with Mr. R. *shrugs*

RisingPhoenix

I watched him battle through 4 relapses in 5 months.

"Oh but I quit. Really.. I did quit. I just took a break from quitting."

Ahem.

So, finally, I woke up and said now wait a minute. Where did my life go? I'm waiting around for someone to (inevitably) to fail. I was waiting around for the next quack quack quack, so I could go write it down ... use it as material for my novel.

More accurately, what are the statistics of rational people going completely insane trying to be rational with an irrational person?

Prodigal.... a drunk with no program is like a fish trying to ride a bicycle.

They don't have the proper 'equipment.'

And you just sit around... waiting.... for the fish to fall off the bicycle.

So.... question is.. what are you going to do while you're waiting for him to fall off the bicycle or the wagon or the couch or whatever.

Repeat it 100 times a day....

Me Me Me Me Me Me.

In Me We Trust,
RP