marriedithink

Although it is true that right now I am only still with him for financial reasons. He doesn't understand that and thinks of course that everything is fine:beerchug:
So he's thinking that we are working things out. He's trying really hard.......right.
Anyway, it used to be that he would be around on the weekends, playing family and then would disappear during the week while I was at work. He's progressing rapidly. He was chomping at the bit to get away from us today. Made up some story (I guess he forgot he used the same excuse about a week ago, I realize it's very difficult to keep track of these things) So he finally left around 1:00 this afternoon and has not returned. I don't expect him too.
I am fighting a huge temptation right now. To find him and drop off a suitcase in front of all his cronies. I won't do it. I won't even call. But I admit I am feeling very codie right now. Which is why I came here. I have come to depend on this site quite a bit. Thanks for being here.
As for him.........whenever he does show up, I will not engage him, I will not yell or ask questions. However I am running out of patience faster than I am saving up money. I think I may have to take my chances on money and get my sanity back sooner. financial security is not worth mental instability. I am feeling quite unstable right now.

pmaslan

Please re-read your post and then post again...this is a recording.

marriedithink

You lost me.

pmaslan

I guess I meant...what do you want to see happen right now?

marriedithink

A locksmith and divorce fairy to show up at my door. LOL I want it to be over. I know it's up to me. I'm rethinking my reasons for waiting. I've done alot on my own, I can do it again. I think I'm getting my second wind. Fed up, tired, totally disgusted. Feeling pretty fiesty though.

minnie

Feisty's good. Add a little faith in the future with a good dollop of "feeling the fear and doing it anyway" and it's amazing what can happen.

pmaslan

And there you have it. Yes you can do it again..the simple fact that you
are fed up, tired and disgusted in good. Fiesty gets you through the
tough times..... atta girl!

marriedithink

I really needed an atta girl!!!!

pmaslan

you got it!!!

rivercitybelle

How about 2 atta girls and chocolate cake?

Cynay

How are you doing today?

Hope your detaching and being good to yourself.

marriedithink

I didn't do very well this morning, I guess. When I came downstairs to find him stinking and sleeping on the couch my blood boiled. I let him have it. I shouldn't have but I think I needed the anger in a way. He stood up to put his pants on and his underwear were inside out!!!!..............How could I contain it?
I told him to go. He said he would leave when he was ready to. I called a lawyer today, we are meeting next Monday, in the mean time she said I should try and get him to agree to leave. So I will try and calmly do that.

prodigal

I'm sorry you're having to witness the progression of this disease. It does leave us feeling angry, frustrated, and emotionally drained. You mentioned he leaves the house as early as possible on weekends. Does he ever drink in your presence or do you only see the results of the drinking?

I had the joy of watching my AH stagger up out of our basement at 7 am every Saturday after tying one on every Friday as soon as he got home from work. He'd open a bottle of wine, and proceed to chug it down. He'd pass out for x-number of hours and repeat the process for the entire weekend then go in late to work on Mondays. This went on for approximately six months without fail until he was told to go into rehab or lose his job.

I know how hard it is to rein in your anger and sense of outrage at what you're seeing. Come here to vent. It's safer and far better to talk it out with folks who have been in a similar situation than to get into a battle with someone who is in the grips of addiction. I'm sure you've discovered that usually doesn't get any positive results.

marriedithink

No usually on the weekends he's with us, sober. His drinking is mainly during the week. Once I'm back on my work schedule he comes and goes when I'm not home (cowardly) or in the middle of the night. Sometimes earlier, when we're still awake. (Good Times) I don't see him drink, only get the goodies afterward. There cannot be alcohol of any kind in our house because of his parole conditions. His PO can show up and search the place anytime he wants to.

marriedithink

He's a Bar room man!

brightlight

I have a question about this, bar room man because mine is too. I have argued with him that this is not a drinking problem, but a social problem. If he just drank and drank and passed out then I would believe alcohol problem. I know he has a problem with alcohol, but having to go to a bar to drink it does not make sense. He drinks at home and I do not get mad. He drinks all he wants and we do not fight or anything, but if he goes to the bar then trouble happens. He will come home and start the fights if I still awake. Even if I am nice when he comes home he still acts crazy. Usually when he goes to the bar we go to bed early and he sleeps on the couch, but what is this with the bar when they are married???

Pick-a-name

Mine was like that,too. At home drinker,etc for many years until a few years ago (kids and I "bugged him and cramped his "style",I guess...until then he was a great husband and family man) Progression also progressed the ISM's, IMHO. Ever listen to AA Lead tapes or open AA meetings...seems to be very common,but like I said,that's just what I've noticed.

marriedithink

For mine it goes along with his past. He is very well known in the bars he goes into, has quite a reputation from his past. He gets alot of attention. He craves the social spotlight. He can't seem to live without it. He will leave for work in the morning (self employed) and I won't see him again until the following evening. No call, doesn't answer his phone, nothing. I don't really know what the draw is but for him I think it has to do with all the time he spent in prison. He is old school and he practically ran the place. Things were different then. In the bar room he's feared and respected. He gets the attention that I guess I can't give. Even if he could drink at home it wouldn'tbe enough. He's the kind of guy that demands the spotlight wherever he is. I guess at home the attention of myself and my daughter isn't enough. Male bonding??? Who knows.

Pick-a-name

Mine is normally shy, but now he seems to crave attention from anyone.especially like-minded drinkers and air-headed women. Any ego lift will do. The things he used to be proud of are all being destroyed by his drinking so he seems to look for validation with others in other places.

I think that is one reason why mine moved out....I think he feels ashamed,annoyed,etc around us because alcohol and "fun" is his priority and not his family...

Pick-a-name

Mine likes the "fear and respect",too. He is still the boss of the company he started and ran for over 15 yrs, but he no longer owns it.I think it is starting to bug him. (esp. because he has been called in about his behavior a few times since selling it.not something he had to worry about before). He hated at home that I didn't jusmp when he said do something like an employee...