Musky

I'm up early on my 21st sober day. I rarely get up before 6:00 am, but here I am. My wife's still sleeping, so I haven't had the chance to tell her I'm not drinking today. She has been distant for the last several days, and it's obvious that she's suffering from anxiety concerning my abstinence going forward. She's seen three weeks before. She's also on her fourth week of no cigarettes, which I with embarrassment often fail to remember. I react poorly to her discomfort, and sometimes find myself being short with her, which she does not deserve. You would think after torturing her for years with the same empty promises, I would understand where she's at emotionally. My reactions to her anxiety have been shameful.

I'm anxious myself, as I've had some trouble focusing on only the near term over the last several days. The rest of my life seems like an awfully long time without a drink. I know sometime soon there will be an instance where heavy drinking would have been the norm, and I'm worried that sobriety is really going to p!ss me off. I'm smoking way too many cigarettes, which I'm sure has greatly contributed to my wife's anxiety as she tries to quit. Yet I keep doing it. We also have a few business concerns which we have not had for many years.

I should probably exercise and get away from my computer, but I would really like to shed a few pounds first. Unfortunately, I've added several candy bars a day to the pack and a half of cigarettes since I've stopped drinking.

There's my great big whine for the day. Nothing like feeling sorry for yourself, when it's the people you love you should be feeling sorry for. Pretty sad really.

I'm going to try and get some work done early so my wife can relax a little today (we run a business together), and maybe have some fun with our daughter. We'll be busy this weekend, so I shouldn't be too tempted to start drinking.

It's the long term that's bothering me.

Kevin

Anna

I think being especially nice to your wife today is a great idea. She is going through a big change in her life by not smoking and she is experiencing anxiety about what will happen with you.

After reading your post, the question I would ask you is, are you taking steps every day to move forward in recovery. It's not just about not drinking. That's only the beginning. I need to work at it every day - physically, spiritually and emotionally. If I don't, I stall or fall back.

Don't let the '3 week' thing be a barrier for you. You can do this!

leviathon

Perhaps you could share with your wife what you have just shared with us. I think your understanding as you expressed it here of her concerns and her own issues is very insightful.

Peace, Levi

mishelly

Hey Kevin...I find it easier to handle the thought of never drinking again if I don't think of it that way at all. I hear a voice in my head that tells me "someday you will have a drink" (alcoholism at its finest) and another that immediately responds..."but not today". Sounds crazy, but it keeps me sane, if that makes any sense. Be kind to yourself, and your wife...support her in her efforts just as I'm sure she supports you in yours.

Hang in there!

TexasDawn

Hi there!

It WILL get easier. The first few weeks are very tough. I am in my 7th week of sobriety and I am finally starting to feel so much joy!

Keep having faith that it WILL get better.

I know it's difficult to believe that right now. I know how miserable I felt, especially during the first few weeks. I was so dependent on alcohol. I didn't think I would ever feel happiness without it again. But the alcohol was slowly killing me. I was feeling suicidal. For the first few weeks of sobriety, even when I felt at my lowest, I knew that I was still better off than before because at least I stopped feeling suicidal. It seemed like a small improvement, but in hindsight it was a HUGE change for the better.

hugs and prayers for you.

michski

I never tell myself I can never drink again!! I'm giving myself until I'm 80 and then I'm gonna have an old lady hot water and whiskey!! I did go through one rehab with an 89 year old woman who was committed by her son because she tried to commit suicide by sitting in her garage with her beautiful Jaguar running while drinking an entire bottle of vodka. The only problem is she left the windows up! She asked the doctor whether or not she would have eventually died.. he answered NO she'd only have run out of gas!!!

Talk to your wife. Tell her how much you appreciate her support.

hector

Kevin, you're missing out on the most important thing about long-term sobriety:

ONE DAY AT A TIME!

I'll try to explain. I plan to live a long time. I'll turn 51 this month. I'm in fairly good health. But the important thing to me is I woke up this morning. Therefore I must stay sober today and go to bed sober tonight, if I live that long.

"Plan as if you're going to live forever; live as if you're going to die today."

A camel can go 24 hours without a drink; so can I. In some parts of the world, AA has camel-shaped lapel pins and medallions. By the way, are you in AA? Lots of good one-day-at-a-time advice there. Read the thread titled Sober four days and forever. Put yourself in her shoes. Let's stay sober today. Tomorrow, if we wake up, we'll work on tomorrow then. I can't have tomorrow's supper today, neither can I have tomorrow's sobriety today.

I've been sober over 17 1/2 years. Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.

nocellphone

Hiya, Musky!

I'm in agreement with the others in the "one day at a time" camp. As a favorite piece of Al-Anon literature puts it,

"JUST FOR TODAY I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime."

Another strategy I've heard AAers and NAers employ is the old "I'll drink tomorrow" philosophy. The trick is that, each time tomorrow comes, they make the same commitment to sober living all over again...

Musky

Thanks for the responses. I'm feeling a lot better at 3:30 pm than I was at 5:45 am. Today will be fine.

I understand the one day at a time theory, and I'm trying to apply it. I saw someone on this site tell somebody about their sobriety "that's a lot of 24's stacked on top of one another" or something to that effect. I know my wife needs to see a hell of a lot more 24's stacked up before she buys the one day at a time scenario, and I can't blame her. I, however, need to keep the one day at a time idea at the forefront of my thinking. That's where we hit a snag. I tell her that, yet she can't help thinking about what's down the road, because of what's happened in the past.

Anyhooo, venting/whining a bit this morning helped, I think. I also spoke to my wife this morning about how proud I was of her for quitting smoking. She has had just two cigarettes in almost five weeks. Self absorbed heavy smoking narcissist that I am, I thought it was like three weeks. That's probably just as hard as quitting drinking, and is greatly adding to her anxiety.

We'll get it worked out. I just need to remember that three weeks of sobriety doesn't wipe out 14 years of sloppy inconsideration. Slow and steady is the only way to win this race.

Thanks for the AA advice. I have it in the back of my mind. At this point, and I know many of you will think I'm an idiot, I'm looking at this as me against the booze.

With the help of my friendly neighborhood SoberRecovery Community, of course. I've been treating my time here as a group therapy session. This may seem weird, but I get much more out of reading and posting here, than I did out of talking to a couple of counselors in the past.

Next on the card, Me vs Saturday. Take care and keep focused.

Kevin