kali ma

I haven't had a drink in 58 days, and I have not been able to hang out with my drinking buddy friends. I realize now that since I started drinking, I have had no true friends...no friendships that did not revolve around pot or vodka. I love being sober, and wouldn't give up my sobriety, but I am getting bored and lonely. AA meetings only help so much. I can't find anyone my age. It seems that I only run into teenagers who are forced to go, or older women. I want friendships back like I used to have. For those of you who have had to give up your "drinking" friendships, what do you do for a social life? I used to be around all sorts of people. I also feel like I "live" my sobriety every day, and sometimes want to not have to talk about alcohol, and how much it has consumed my life in the past. I just want to have fun like I used to...just without drinking now. Sobriety has treated me so well, but life on this side is starting to get very lonely...

FallGirl

I wish I had something encouraging to say - but I'm in the same boat as you. I'm 30 years old, and was the oldest out of my group of friends. Half of them I alienated because I just drank at home all the time, I didn't return phone calls because I just wanted to get drunk. Now the other half I don't talk to because all they want to do is go to happy hour during the week, and clubs on the weekend!

What about people at your work? I'm unemployed right now, but I'm looking for a job and maybe some friends will come out of that, people don't know I used to drink all the time!

I know it's hard, but know that you are not alone, and the most important thing is to STAY SOBER!

Stay Strong!!!

FallGirl

upanddownjj

Hi Sweetie...Was it you I told about these groups ???
Did you find any close to where you live ??
Usually AA and Na have conventions on weekends with speakers and dances that young people go to...You could get on an e-mail list for the young peoples groups to find out whats going on with them...

there are several listings if you google it...

Hang in there...also - I think there are a lot of young people at NA..maybe do 1 na mtg a week and get to know some of the younger sober people there...Hope that helps...Have a good night...And remeber - you addict/Alkie mind will be trying to find reaqsons why you don't belong..this is one of them....I have many friends who went thru this...For a long time there were VERY few women - period in AA..took a while for them to come...and many of them died because "they didn't feel comfortable"
Pray for your HP to guide you to some "Fun in recovery" It will happen - Hang in there...Thank God for this forum - we are so lucky..I'm sure there will be lots of other ideas following this...

xoxo Janni

Erin

Hi
I kind of relate to what you're saying. I have a few friends that aren't into drinking and are pretty healthy. They've been great the past month. However, I live alone with a cat so I'm by myself aside from work a lot of the time.

I've been thinking of joining a run/walk club and I'm going to start a night course in the Fall. I made one friend from my last class last spring. I'm starting to go to movies again - went to see Little Miss Sunshine very, very very funny.

I also totally know what you're saying about not wanting to talk all the time about sobriety. There's got to be a life outside that's healthy.

Anyway... hang in there. I'm with you totally. Maybe there are some other tips people can provide.

BTW - You are not alone!!!

Nevyn

Get involved in an activity that interests you. You will meet like minded people that way. I joined a tennis club, we competed as teams of four one night every week and held social events on the weekends. It grew into solid friendships with some of the participants and we never ever talked about sobriety. Or even tennis much of the time.

OnRecoveryRoad

Sobriety has treated me so well, but life on this side is starting to get very lonely...[/quote]

I completely understand. I have recently tried this site to make new friends. Its free and a great way to branch out.

Meetup.com

Look up your city and find people of varying interests..travel, coffee, book clubs, dancing, dining...etc

NYCGirl

Hi ****,

Wow I guess I am fortunate to have two kids that keep me more than occupied. I am not sure I can relate, being older, 45 next week most of my friend though they drink have out grown the heavy duty party scene so it's not an issue to still hang out with them. But I do have few suggestions.

I'm sure you run some of these by yourself but here goes.

Enroll in college or grad school, I was surprised to find many non traditional aged students when I was in school
...or just a cooking class.

Since you like politics, contact your local politicians and inquire about volunteering with campaigning.

A single friend of mine has made quite a few friends not to mention vases in her potery classes.

Any thing that is offered as a group lesson, tennis, sculling, Spanish even book clubs

Don't be afraid to make friends a few years older than you, some my have outgrown the party scene.

Maybe even a second job to help fill some of the empty hours

Hope something clicked for you,

Take care

miss communicat

Hey ****

In early sobriety there is a saying (heck, thare must be 10 thousand sayings!!) about this topic:

"you gotta change all the places and all the faces" in order to grow. In fact, sobriety is much much more than just not drinking. Its about growing emotionally and spiritually healthier.

One of my first meditation teachers told me, back 20 years ago when I got sober and I was bored and lonely like you are right now, "Boredom is simply lack of attention". It means that loneliness and boredom can be averted by right use of will, right use of time, right use of attention.

Try getting creative. Try allowing there to be emptiness in your life for now, and trust that it will pass. The new and future friends may far surpass the old in terms of inner connectedness. And, don't judge people by their age.

Okay...hope this is food for thought, she says as she ambles down off her soapbox~~

MNGirlyGirl

Hi ****, you're not alone. I've going through the same thing and trying to build a whole new social circle. It's slow going -- if I get it figured out, you'll be the first to know!!

GhostInTheRuins

This is exactly what's been on my mind tonight for some reason. Not much going on that doesn't revolve around drinking. I looked at the myspace page of the big nightclub down the street that has my liver on display behind the bar. After clicking around from there and seeing what everybody is up to I was thinking "who are these people?"

I don't think I fit in with them and I doubt they really cared much for me anyway. Eventually I got tired of seeing pictures of them partying. There's a couple people I'd like to see again from that crowd, but it's not really feasible.

I have been hanging out a bit with a friend who hardly ever drinks, and she's one of those people that tend to accumulate other people around them without hardly trying, so that's good. BTW, how do some people do that? An old GF was like that, she could walk outside to get the mail and bring back 2 new friends.

shockozulu

Katie, I returned to college. I also went to adult ed classes. You may want to grab a catalog. Pick a class that is more "contempory" so you will be around peers, not the retired folk.

Movies alone can help me get out, a walk in the park during peek 'walking' or "social" hour.

I was so surprised how many sober places there were for me to go...once I looked.

Arura

Morning ****, boy have i felt that way sometimes.For me it was Bigger than just the drinking.It was the drugs. I couldnt walk outside my door without other users in my face...! The drink for me was Alone...oh yer and the pubs.!

So i got into a bad routine of staying in the house. I must have been a recluse for a year.

But i had a Jungle for a home...? so i got into volunnttering, which i hope will lead into paid work...? I do Gardens for Old folk,and i love it.! So do they.And theres some nice people who wlso work there too.

Im only 33... is that young or old ...? i dont know depends on the day somedays its 50, easly, then some mornings its more like 38 .Phew time is a man made thing...!.? .

Find something you've alwasys wanted to do n JUST DO IT.

Loads of Hugs to ya ****...X . I hope you find your passion for life again...!

Time2Surrender

First, congradulations on 58 days. Thats awesome. Loneliness is a a part of early recovery for many of us. It was for me. But, as time passes and we keep working on recovery, the loneliness will pass. Stay focused on recovery. Before you know it, you will be surrounded by friends. True friends.

c'est la vie

I can relate to this aspect of your situation. I spend an angodly amount of time each day reading, writing, contemplating, talking about drinking and sobriety. I'm getting bored with this new interest. It's helped me pass the time for the past 6 months, but now I need something else. I hope that I can visit more museums, read more good novels, take a cooking class, learn French, and organize my garage. That should keep me busy for a while and hopefully keep my mind off drinking or not drinking.

I hope that just filling your time with things you enjoy will help you find peace in your life rather than making a conscientious search for something to fill the void of drinking.

leviathon

I can relate very deeply to all that you have said, as well as to how you are feeling. I have experienced this phenomena. It takes time to overcome.

When I quit as a young adult (21) all of my friends drank and smoked pot. I was soon ostracized. I did not fit any longer. So I threw myself into exercise. I went crazy with exercise. I then used that to help me meet new healthy people... we talked about exercise and alcohol never came up. Most did not drink... just wasn't part of their lives.

I was 10 or 12 years sober after that without a thought. Then I fell down. When I quit again it has been a new issue, but in a different way. Many of the activities I do now include alcohol. Take golf, go out with a few friends for 18 holes and most will have beer. I don't. They don't pressure it and don't ask. I don't ask them not to drink. But I have to deal with the fact in my mind that they are all generally drinking. It can be awkward.

I don't know what the answer is, but I do keep to my commitment not to drink.

Peace, Levi

kali ma

Thanks for all of your posts. I am going back to school next month to get my Masters, but I am still worried about making friends. I know that normally, people just know how to make friends. I never had to learn how to, because my connection was always through booze. I guess sobriety really is starting from ground zero. I have to learn how to be an adult...something I should have learned 10 years ago. I'm sorry if I offended anyone with my first post. That was not my intention. I have learned LOTS from the women at AA, it would just be nice to hear from people in my age group. Thanks a lot for all of the posts. It's comforting to hear that I'm not the only one going through this.