CatsTail

is no contact? Don't contact, let other side do it because if I contact it takes away his responsibilities and I'm enabling,rescuing, fixing,manipulating,controlling etc etc etc etc?

Ngaire

pmaslan

The healthy response...no contact?

Always was....always will be....IMO

CatsTail

This will be day 15. My friend says I'm having co-dependent withdrawals.

We were talking about if I got absolutely crazy and had to call and everything I wanted to say was fixing,enabling,manipulating,controlling. I realized how co-dependently mired I actually am.

Ngaire

robina

At least you are realizing this. As Dr. Phil says, we can't fix what we don't acknowledge.

Live

hugs!

denny57

oh boy, ngaire, have i been there! hang in there, yes it sounds like the withdrawal symptoms i had. (((())))

elizabeth1979

Me too. Ive been there. I try to end each day with recovery reading and start each day the same. Helps keep my mind where it should be!

Good for you for acknowledging it!

Live

I think you did a super wise thing going over and through it all with your friend. That was wisdom in action! Hats off!!!!

Tena

deax

Funny to see this topic, I'm having withdrawals too. Which is weird because I was doing so good for a while there. He is never out of my mind, but I haven't been depressed like I used to be. Went to a family wedding out of state, had a great time, been keeping busy with work and friends here... But then a few nights ago I was listening to this song called Colorblind by Counting Crows, which I've always found to be a beautifully melancholy song, but next thing I know I'm thinking about him, missing him x 10, thinking about if I ever get the news that he ODd and died, going to his funeral.... all these awful things started running through my head.

And now this week I miss him more than ever. I dunno if it's that I haven't been to Al-Anon in a few weeks (can't go again tonight either) or if it's because he called again right before I went to Indiana and I didn't get as much info as I'd have liked (still don't know what's wrong with his arm), or if it's because I found out he's on Zoloft....or if it's because now I'm wondering if the last time we spoke (last Wed) REALLY is the last time I'll speak to him for a whole year. Or if it's because I spent an hour on the phone with my cousin recently, who was telling me about this new guy she met, and hearing all the giddy excitement that comes with that...

I miss that feeling, I miss holding hands, I miss kissing, I miss the familiarity and the banter R and I used to have with each other. I know, I know- I remember the bad stuff too and I'm gonna keep on truckin' here. But all I know is I miss him this week and it's been making me edgy and I'm crying alot. Even at work. And I had been doing so well.... Withdrawal symptoms, I guess.

megamysterioso

Hugs to you ((ngaire)) and no contact is good. It's the only way I've managed to have a peaceful existence for the last month or so. Stick to it baby- the payoff is good!

Minx1969

Yup..no contact..

keeping really busy - going to meetings, leaning on your Anon support is also the way to go..

use that phone list, read recovery literature, scrub the tub with a toothbrush if need be...

CatsTail

Thanks for the words of encouragement everyone. I relapsed and called last night and haven't heard anything back.

I went to my meeting after I called and broke down in tears (first time I've cried in 15 days) Brought up the topic about reaching out.

Have realized that I have severe trust issues with men therefore heavy control issues.

A very,very old friend said to me yesterday that I always pick men with monkeys on their backs. And what can I say, it's true. I'ts a huge, huge pattern with me.

Ngaire

robina

Don't be too hard on yourself.

I stayed with a gambling addict for a nine year on and off relationship. It took a while, but I finally accepted that he was unable to love me and I was never more alone than when I was with him!

I'm not in a relationship now, and it gets lonely at times, but whenever I have the urge to call him, I resist.

I find keepng myself busy, and keeping my days filled with happy activities is the best antidote to getting sucked back into a terribly toxic relationship.

(hugs)

CatsTail

Okay so I relapse, break down and call.

Then I leave for a meeting. While I'm gone the phone rings (my son was there) he answers the phone thinking it's you know who (his number always come up unknown name private number) My son said he answered the phone and no one was there just a dial tone. I returned the call when I got home, no answer and didn't leave a message my name and number come up so he'd see.

I feel like I'm being manipulated here. Some stupid junkie passive agressive way of getting back at me.

And I'm finding it (aside from sickening) where my mind goes with it all.

"Well maybe I was to harsh in the message I left him."
Maybe he is scared to call back blah blah blah blah.

Why am I worrying about him, let's worry about me here . As far as I know I haven't done anything wrong.

Ngaire