ghostworld

Please excuse me if I may vent while I describe how I live and feel.






I have read some online materials on SAD. The weird thing is that I do not have a fear of speaking in public. I am not shy. I don't mind talking or meeting people but the problem is that I just don't feel like being with anyone. The only person I want to be with is my husband.

I have insecurities about going out. I'm relatively young but of old fashioned mind and values. One of the things I absolutely hate is going out and coming across women that are half naked. Mini skirts with half tops and high heels, etc. I feel so angry when I see that. It infuriates me. I myself have a pretty good figure, long hair and good skin. I can dress like that and get the same attention. But I don't. I don't feel like I should have to compete when I go out so I stay home all the time. When I do finally go out, I dress the way I feel the most comfortable, which is usually classy/elegant maaaybe a bit sexy but not showing off cleavage and stuff. But then I feel like the ugliest girl in the room. Not a good feeling.

Getting back to the anti-social/SAD, I cannot stand being with people in general unless they're MY friends. I love my inlaws but I would be happy if I never saw them again.
I love my family, but I can go many months without seeing them. People have started to notice how I am and i'm starting to get the guilt trips. "oh you don't love us", "howcome you never want to hang out?", "we missed you last saturday". WTF?? :uzi2:

I want to be by myself. is that so bad? why can't people understand and respect that?

Why do I need to be around people?


Children...I don't like them. Please do not invite me to your house if you have kids because I do not think they're cute. And if i'm forced to attend one of your stupid BS get-togethers pleease do not make me play memory with your kid on dinning room table after the food has been cleared. Do not tell me cute stories of what he or she did because frankly, I could care less. The world does not revelove around your stupid child.

People, please do not come to MY house uninvited and tell me that I need to get out more often. I do not come to your house and tell you that you need to get a man and get off my case.


I'm basically a very friendly person but it's only for that moment. For example: If I go to the store to buy something, I will tell the clerk to have a good day while I give them a big smile. But don't ask for anymore. I do not want to stand there and chit chat with you.

When I go to your house to pick up or drop off soemthing please do not ask me to come inside and have a seat and much less a cup of effin coffee. We have nothing in common and talking to you would be a waste of my time.



I have a lot more I can right but i'm tired.


What do I have?

Live

I dunno, but I can relate...I can speak in public, I can play a role and be ever so friendly at work and such...I make it a rule to smile and say "hi, how are you" to anyone who comes within 10 feet of me.

But I am really an introvert, who prefers reading, my husband and this site. I have just never gotten the hang of idle chit-chat and have no motivation to.

I do have a few friends, where I am comfortable one on one and we have meaningful conversations.
In fact one one is the only way I am comfortable. And I don't see them often nor call much.

Frankly the trivial bs bores and annoys me.

I do love attending classes and can get really involved, editor of school paper etc.....but I was doing something I loved and I interacted more with the profs than the students.

Why on earth should I attempt to be a social butterfly?
And most, who know me...just consider me a bit eccentric. That's fine.
Just don't stop by my house uninvited...that's rude and I will meet you at the door and tell you I don't accept unexpected guests.
One time someone told me I was rude and I said no you were rude.

just my thoughts.....

Bozo

One which I highly relate to. I do not have any close friends because I abhor the idea of someone just popping in on me on a Saturday night and expecting me to play cards or some such silly nonsense.

Truth be told, we all need to practice something called balance.

I will suck it up and go to family get togethers and to the best of my ability try to enjoy myself.

Would I rather be by myself on the side of a riverbank with a fishing pole and the sun beating down on me, well yeah.

I love to be by myself and I guess I am an admitted anti social kind of guy, a loner, but then I always have been even when I am using.

I am not a holier than thou guy, but I must admit a huge disdain for a lot of my fellow human travelers.

I dont watch news much anymore, it is too depressing to watch people killing each other and destroying the wonderful creation of my God.

Hey to each his own, dont beat yourself up over this, to thine ownself be true.

temlin3

This topic hits home, that's for sure. I don't have SAD or ASD, but I do have GAD (generalized anxiety disorder). That just means I think and worry about everyday things to an unhealthy level.

I, too, have enjoyed being alone in my life. No close friends... either they seemed to leave me in their dust or take advantage of me (in which case I got rid of them). But even all that is long past. It's very, very difficult for me to get close to people. I actually don't think anyone has ever known the real me. But, I may not know the real me either.

I live with my BF, and he actually drives me nuts. I have to lock the door if I want privacy. And he still knocks and complains about me having "alone time." I don't understand people like him... they don't need or want to spend time alone. Me? I love it. The happiest I've been was in my own apartment for the last 2 years of college.

I am torn lately between alone time and maintaining relationships. I've read and heard a lot about it lately, some on here and some elsewhere. They all seem to suggest a balance of both. I've also been reading a lot about addiction recovery (from other forums here) and how important it is to let others in for support and help. That makes sense to me, but it's still difficult for loners like us.

I first started therapy for my issues about a year ago. It took me a long time to go into the psych's office and speak my mind. In fact, I made it a habit to type my recent positive and negative experiences so I almost wouldn't have to say anything! But just within the last few months, I finally feel comfotable with her. It's amazing how she doesn't even flinch when I tell her something bad I've done. I guess she's used to worse?

For SAD & ASD... Have you checked the DSM-IV? You can find it online — it is insanely expensive in bookstores. I would give you my best opinions on these, but I don't want to give you incorrect information.

Check out this site: http://www.psychologynet.org/dsm.html ... if you scroll down, you'll find disorders under certain headines. I think the Anti-social one is actually a personality disorder? And it has "social phobia" but not social anxiety disorder. I couldn't tell you they are the same or not.

Good luck and take care!
Jennifer

Christian

by the way i loved that movie your name is after...

you have some issues it seems thats good because it means you have a large room for improvement.

stonetree

I cant leave that alone.
Ghostworld, social anxiety sometimes comes in disguise.

Its not necessarily like wow Im sooo anxious around other people...far from it.

Social anxiety can start more subtle. I´mean, you admit yourself that youre insecure and you can feel like the ugliest girl in the room...anxiety also comes with a lowered sense of self worth.

I mean, being anti social is a good defense against anxiousness...but it sucks too. It aint any fun. How little fun you have becomes obvious reading your post...it really is no fun, and being with others when one has anxiety is no fun either...tough one, not easy to deal with for sure.

shutterbug

This is JUST MY thoughts at the moment, but sounds like you are very co-dependent and your happiness is centered your husband. When I was in the kind of mind set I'm picking up in your words...the last thing I wanted to do was be out with my man where there might be girls that could cause his eyes to stray.

And it may be possible that you could be dealing with some depression type things - just a guess - or possibly borderline personality dissorder.

Doesn't sound like SAD to me though because in your case it's not because of anxiety, but rather just not wanting to be around other people.

Hope you don't think me too harsh for being this blunt....just letting you know what I see when reading your post.

Hugs,
Jenna