Landofthelost20

Hello,
On July 20th of 2005 I decided to slow down on my drinking just for a short time period while I was in Ohio, visiting my girlfriend. She knew that I "use" to be an alcoholic. I was keeping a terrible lie from her at the time and didn't want to be a dissapointment to her.

I managed nearly two weeks in Ohio without too much to drink, I drank to myself half a fifth, and 15 beers in the Hotel room, spreaded out of 11 days that is. Note: I usually drank 12-18 beers a night to myself or a whole 5th of whiskey, everyday for a long time.

I became Ill while in Ohio, and went to a party with my girlfriend the last night while I was there. I drank maybe 6 beers and a couple shots of whiskey, I had fun, we went to bed, woke up the next day, I left for home around dinner time.

When getting home, I brought a friend over, we had a really nice party that night, I was wasted, dissapointed and drank heavy from missing my girlfriend. I woke up that morning and became very sick, I had a rapid heart beat, my body had a warm pulsing sensation, I had an uncontrolable shake, and I just felt really, really weird and awkward.

I asked my father to run me into the Hospital, but my heart rate kept getting faster and the sick feelings were starting to become overwhelming. I asked for him to call 911, and I was then taken by ambulance the rest of the way to the Hospital. I spent about 4 hours in there, I had a 104 degree tempature. I took a Tylenol that morning, which probably lowered it from 105+ they said.

I spent a good bit of my life as an alcoholic and I wasn't experincing " Hang over " problems. just a FYI.

Anyways about an hour after I was home I tried to go to sleep and I couldn't sleep, I was still so startled by what happened that morning. I then tried taking a shower to relax, but that couldn't work, my heart began to race again, and I got those overwhelming feelings once again, I called 911 and was took to the hospital for the second time that day. They pumped me full of Valium, prescribed me Kayflex for my upper respitory infection and took a x-ray of my chest.

I then spent the next couple weeks in bed, without a single drop of alcohol, going through alcohol withdrawal at the time, which I was getting confused with thinking I was dying.

The days went slow and there was fear of dying all the time, I became an Insomniac. I couldn't sleep hardly ever at all. I had a fear of driving for several weeks, and still some still to this day. I lived in a world that I was paranoid of, my emotions were scattered, and I was trying to pick pieces of myself up again. I just wanted to go back to being normal and become sober at this time.

I was heading back down in September to visit my girlfriend again in Ohio but the fear of a 8 hour car drive scared me, thoughts of not being able to get an ambulance out along the highway in a short amount of time scared me to death, so I called her and told her the night I was due to leave that I had to cancle, I was still sick.

I suffer slightly now to this day from Post Traumatic Stress ( Anxiety ) Disorder. I still have urges to get drunk because I'm emotionally disabled. I sometimes feel anxious, disrupted, hurt, sad, angry, ect.. They all compile on me constantly.

I have a three month subscription for Valium and they ease Anxiety some, I've been setting goals for myself to drive farther and farther when I do drive. I've been looking for work again but having trouble getting a job due to small town discrimination ( I'm a long hair punk sort of guy ). I have plans on finally obtaining my G.E.D. since I gave up alcohol.

I still get really stressed and feel like jumping right back into drinking, and I have drank on a couple occasions since then but I have been able to control myself and limit myself to the max of three beers.

I have plans to be heading back down to Ohio this October and I'm going to force myself no matter what, cause I know when I'm with her that she'll make me feel really, really happy. She's the best thing that ever happened to me, and she lives 8 hours away.

I have never met someone like her, she's very unique and supportive about things.

I was wondering will this PTSD ever fully be recovered? I still have thoughts while driving about getting a anxiety attack and a rapid heart beat, but I manage to keep stable and make it to my destination.

Since giving up everyday living of being a drunk I've set a new goal for myself to give up smoking sometime here soon, I haven't started yet. But, I went from Menthol Regulars to Menthol Lights, ( Brand Name Varies )

I just hope by December I'll be able to make a full recovery from PTSD, Alcoholisim and hopefuly Nicotine ( Cigarettes ).

Also on a side note: I was a Caffeine-aholic too. I'd wake up from a drunk, drink a 2 liter thing of soda, eat a sandwhich or a bowl of soup or something small, wait an hour and get started on drinking til' I passed back out.

I don't touch Caffeine anymore, I try to avoid it at all costs, I drank maybe two 12 ounce cans, and a 2 liter of Diet pepsi in all since August 1st.