sidney

Thanks for sending your daughter my way. I am in my broken hearted state as I once again, admitted Jared to the hospital.
I always feel like I have failed when I do this But he had become too violent. He is so sad I dont know how to live with it at times. But as you know I will, the bigger he gets the more pathetic it becomes. His body grows but his mind doesnt.
Hope you got some rest and had a good day.

Blessings,
Sidney

Your support is keeping me going. I would go without your help but I would feel so lonley, which is not an emotion I usually feel.
The PTSD is like my big secret.

Morning Glory

Sidney,

I know this must be heartbreaking for you. I'm not going through the same thing, but I've had to let my son go because of his disease of alcoholism and the violence that goes along with it. I actually had to put him out to be homeless last month. He did find a place to stay though. It also breaks my heart, but we have to learn to accept the things we cannot change. As mothers it's about the hardest thing to do.

I could and do just sit here a cry sometimes and then brush myself off and keep going.

I'm glad you're here with me and glad you are using this board. Try to get some rest now and regain your strength.

Hugs,
MG

sidney

Hes my baby. Hes like a big 5 year old. I have to figure out how to get rid of the pain and become more constructive in his life. I almost feel selfish in thinking I was capable of taking care of him.
I dont think he will be able to come home again. His doctor mentioned a group home but I am terrified of sexual abuse.
I just cant let it go.

Thanks,
Sidney

Morning Glory

Sidney,

This will be very hard for you. You can assist with finding the home. Here we can go to lisencing and check the history of the home because it is public record. I work in one right now that is for your son's age. It is a good home and we never take our eyes off of the kids. We have awake staff at night and good supervision. There are good homes and there are bad homes.

Really do some research. I'll help you know what to look for when that time comes. We can make a list together.

You've done all you can. He is just too big for you to handle now. I know how bad this must be hurting you right now, but it can have a positive outcome.

I think sexual abuse is so common. More than half of my clients have been sexually abused, but in most cases it's by family members or someone they knew. Not from the homes. You can ask if the other clients have sexual behaviors and find out the information that's important.

Hugs,
MG

sidney

MG,
Thank you for writing me back.
It is so hard to put him in the hospital. It seems harder as he gets bigger. I think I feel my own sense of failure more as he gets older. Which I know is unrealistic. His psychiatrist tonight told me that she has never in her career know anyone like me. Being a single parent , especially she feels its impossible. I think they are walking on eggshells over there at the hospital. They know I cant do it anymore.
I dont know of any group homes but when they suggest one, believe me, I will be bugging you to tell me how to check them out.
I thouroughly enjoyed meeting your daughter. Amazing young woman. You did a good job. She was very helpful.

Blessings to you,
Sidney

Morning Glory

Sidney,

I know that you gave Jared your all. There is no blame whatsoever on you in this situation. You have been amazing. You can still be a big part of his life. This is not the end, it is a new beginning. I know because it is what I do for a living.

It's a hard adjustment for both of you, but it will be ok and hopefully better for both of you. I'll help all I can.

Hugs,
MG

sidney

MG,
Do you ever sleep? Im terrified at the thought of a group home. Im used the safety net of the university hospital. I am so afraid for him. I want him to have a halfway decent life. I have taken out life insurance just for him. MY older kids are making me mad. Jennifer with her greed, and Neil with his stupid arrogance.
I will live in my cabin in the mountains, Maybe not with Jared, but I will get there because I am so sad. (I hate that word, it reaks of self-pity) My goal was to live there with him but I dont think it would be safe for me. Putting aside sad, its where I want to be.
Thanks, once again. You always seem to be there when Im at my worst. Wish I could return the favor somhow.
(something tells me this is not my worst. Youve already seen that)

Best,
Paula

Morning Glory

One day Jared may be capable of living on his own. You just never know.

Don't lean toward the negative. It just might turn out to be positive. They probably have group homes in the mountains.

Hugs,
MG

sidney

Once again, you have caught me off guard. You have a sense of humor that just pops up. Yes I do hope they have a group home in the mountains, not likely. I laughed at your response. OK.

Thanks,
Sidney

PS Im still sitting here alone laughing, but damn it feels good.

Morning Glory

It's good to see you laugh.

sidney

Of most things, I try to keep a sense of humor and I thrive on the little jokes , or dry humor or whatever I gain from my few friends. This is probably why they are such good friends.
I can remember laughing about something a week after my husband died. I felt guilty. But not for long , because that is what he would of wanted for me. Laughter.

Goodnigh my good friend.
Love and blessings.
Paula



























H

Morning Glory

Goodnite,

Now you have me sitting here alone laughing about that H way down at the bottom of your post.

Hugs,
MG

sidney

Its the least I could do.
Love,
Sidney