thankyou
 

Just wanted to thank everyone for replying to my post. Hope your all doing well. I read most of the posts but cant respond to them all as I am busy.

Sidney

Glad you are here Sidney :D

PTSD/morning glory
 

Morning glory,
Thanks for getting back to me. I have also been diagnosed with PTSD from my abusive marriage (2nd one). MY first husband was a pedofile and absued my daughter and probably my son.
Looking back on the abusive marriage I learned so much because I got the contrast of having a husband (3rd) who was my best friend. I dont even care that I have PTSD because the shock of coming home alone and finding my husband dead seems to be way more intense. I would like the flash backs to go away. I would like the vision of the body bag being rolled though my living room to go away. But they cant . They are my life.
So I do the same thing everyday. I have an ridiculous amount of appointments for Jared and now starting for Eric. I work my ass off at work and then have these damn appointments and then coming home and pouring myself a glass of wine. I dont know how I would get through the day knowing I couldnt do that. So I in turn feel discusted with myself for lack of control, but at the same time dont care. What a mess. I am weak.
Thanks,
Sidney

Sidney,

You aren't weak. You are very strong. I remember the time when all I could see was the vision of my husband being dead. I thought it would never go away, but it did. There are things that still bother me that I see on TV, but I just simply turn my head and don't look now.

You have so much stress right now I can understand that you feel the need for wine. The thing that does concern me is that it might get progressively worse. I think there are things you can do to learn to cope differently. I'm not very good at it myself, but I should be doing more too.

Relaxation, excercise and changing our reactions are the key to coping with PTSD along with medication when necessary.

I think we really need to schedule some time for this. Even stretching to start with would help.

I'm afraid the wine that you are drinking now will stop working for you and you will find yourself needing more and more. I'm not an expert on alcohol, but I've seen it happen to my son where now is life is unmanagable.

Try some alternatives and see if it helps. Also sharing like you are now can help with some of that pain. My children were also abused by a man I rented a room to. I know the pain of that too. Please know that you are a wonderful person with a lot of stress in your life right now.

Keep sharing. You're not alone.

Hugs,
MG

morning glory again
 

Morning Glory,
Seems like we may have some things in common. My drinking of the wine has been consistant for years. Its like I drink the same amount every night , but I feel it is too much. I have no interest in hard liquor but I know that doesnt matter. The fact is I have a pattern . I have to keep to it in order to survive. Or so I think. I want to change but find it impossibal. What happened to your husband? How did you overcome it?

Sidney

Sidney,

My husband commited suicide when my kids were babys and I was very young. It was also an abusive relationship. Time helped a lot. Learning to cope without being afraid was helpful. Learning to talk myself out of panic attacks.

I think part of our problem is intrusive thoughts that cause depression and stress. Mine are better since I started the prozac. I really try to remember happy things and put effort into replacing those horror thoughts with happy memories now. It's hard. I worry enough for 1000 people. I'm trying to replace those thoughts too. I try to redirect myself and not sit and dwell on the thoughts that come so naturally for me. Little by little I'm doing better.

I feel as bad as it gets right now and it isn't close to how bad I used to feel. It does get better.

Hugs,
MG

Morning glory agaiin
 

Ive somewhat come to terms with my husbands death. Endless nights of crying. For about two years. Im sure I drove my other kids crazy
When I found out what had happened to Jared , in a place I trusted ,it was like the pain of when my husband died. I only cried for about two months. I contacted attorneys etc. It had been too long, he is mentally ill. No one would believe him . Even though He would not be capable of making something up like that. He wouldnt know how. I went to counseling at the rape crisis center over this for 30 weeks. I guess I came out of it just somehow accepting what happened to him. But really all that counseling was a waste of time.
I gave my gun to a friend and I just stay with my routine.

Thanks Morning Glory

Im sorry for sharing my stupid life with you. I dont think this is what this board is for.

Sidney,

The moderator of this board can move it over to the PTSD board. I too was overwhelmed when I found out about my kids. This was just last year. My daughter remembered everything. I too went to counseling. It was one of the worst things I've been through. I'm not over it yet. That's what flared up my PTSD after years of being ok.

All we can do is take it a day at a time and make this the best day we can under the circumstances. It was also too long ago to do anything to the man that did this to my kids. It's hard to watch them get away with something that has tortured my children. I put it in God's hands.

We do have so much in common.

I'm going to ask to have this post moved to the PTSD board. Look for it there if it's not here anymore.

Hugs,
MG

morning glory
 

What if I cant find it. What if I cant talk to you anymore. I am afraid of change and it was hard for me to come here.

Sidney

I'll post a link for you on this board after it's moved. Have you been over to the PTSD board? There is a lot of good information there.

Hugs,
MG

not
 

Morning Glory,
I will check it out . Are you there?

Sidney

Yes Sidney,

I'm the moderator of that board. I left you a link on this board on a new post.

Hugs
MG