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Old 10-12-2019, 07:51 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Earlier this year I mentioned to my therapist some jobs I had back in the 90's. I've been in therapy with her for 10 years and never thought to mention it. She stared at me like I had two heads and said that given my symptoms combined with those fields of work, I had PTSD. I also had some personal situations as a child and older teen that I now realise have contributed to that as well.

My life is really good. The best it's ever been. So why do I drink? It's in part to alleviate the high level of "on" that I experience. I am constantly on high alert. It's not "if" something dangerous will happen, it's "when". I see dangers that other people don't and I'm constantly scanning consciously and unconsciously for trouble. People say things like "I believe people at heart are good and we are safe." I'm like, omg people are monsters are you kidding me. When people say to me "well most of the world isn't suffering and there is more good than bad out there so why focus on the bad?", that to me is the kind of thing you tell children to sooth them, not the kind of reality any sensible adult lives with.

If I lived in the US, I'd be one of those people with a house full of weapons. I'd live in an open carry state, make no mistake.

I think about my previous work all the time. I did regular work for a long time, and now I am back in a field related to my previous work doing logistical/administrative support and it's the only time since that I have felt normal and like I fit in. Back when I was doing that work, no one really knew or understood how it could affect you. Now, we have counsellors and and a staff psychiatrist available to "front line" staff and to anyone else who needs to talk. It's a world of difference. I can't do a normal job and fit in with normal people.

I have had a few years of sobriety in the past and I am hoping that now understanding that I have PTSD and dealing effectively with it is the missing piece in being able to stay sober.

I'm interested in hearing from other people who have dealt with PTSD in recovery.

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Old 10-12-2019, 08:58 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I have not dealt with PTSD in recovery but I wish you success in dealing with it.
I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them.

Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.

Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus

Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley

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Old 10-14-2019, 06:48 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome! I too have not dealt with PTSD but some of our members have, I hope you find their responses helpful, there's much support to be found here.
"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty, and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming---*WOW-What a ride*!"
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Old 10-23-2019, 11:06 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I first tripped through the doors of AA in 2008 and struggled off and on for the next 11 years never able to hold down my sobriety for more than 3-6 months. Each time I failed, my drinking only got worse. My last Day 1 last year I was months away from dying. Knowing what I did in the past did not work, I did research into my options and committed to an outpatient program. Also I re-evaluated my therapist and the work we did and the lack of success therein and noticed in my research a group of addiction therapists where one therapist list PTSD in his specialties. So I said hmmmm....let's check that out. Long story shorter I saw him and it was easily determined I indeed had PTSD and a lot was rooted in traumatic episodes from my childhood and a couple of dooseys from my adult life. I went to his office and there he introduced me to EMDR therapy and I will be damned if that was not the missing link for me to be able to navigate my stress and anxiety that I used alcohol to extinguish. Once I was able to manage and control these stressors/triggers with EMDR my need for alcohol pretty much vanished. I strongly believe EMDR is what has helped me achieve and stay sober for 432 days now.
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