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daveycrockett 08-21-2019 11:46 AM

Life after a nervous breakdown!
There is no life after a nervous breakdown at least for me there isn't. I'm all alone with zero friends and zero family except for my son. I need a friend but I don't know how to make a friend anymore. People just think I'm looney and I have no credibility. I really just can't take being alone anymore just so frustrating. It really sucks to lose all your friends and family because you had a nervous breakdown and no one wants to know you anymore.

I'm trying to get help now because I know I have severe gallbladder issues and probably liver disease too. I called the gastroenterologist I had seen before and I cannot get an appointment without a referral I cannot get a referral because I don't have a primary care doctor anymore. I called the clinic and asked if they could give me a referral and she said she didn't think so not to a specialist. She said to go to the ER which I cannot do because of extreme severe phobia all the talking and coaxing in the world will not get me to go there especially alone.

I've been trying for over a week now to get an appointment with a psychiatrist and I am unable to do so I've called every single psychiatrist that accepts Medicare that is near me and not one of them has called me back. I have called all of them at least twice and some of them three and four times.

I am eating very little but I am still working a security job which is getting strenuous to me because of my failing health. The two times I went to the psychiatric places here they asked if I was suicidal I told them the truth I wasn't and they just told me to go home. I'm not going to lie and say I'm suicidal when I'm not. Anyways I don't know what a person like me with extreme debilitating phobias is to do.

I have been sober for over a year since memorial day last year. but I am honestly planning to get to the liquor store today because that's the only thing I know to do when I'm in situations like this. The medical field has refused to help me consistently throughout my life so I guess I'll just drink myself to death now maybe. I need help and no one wants to help me I don't know what to do please offer any advice, thoughts please.

Snowydelrico 08-21-2019 12:27 PM

You have your son.
I suggest you focus on him. Not on getting liquor.
Itís a tough time you are having but drinking will only leave your son fatherless.
Chin up ride the waves of crap and look for the good in life.
Best wishes to you

trailmix 08-21-2019 06:13 PM

Welcome back Davey. Can you call psychiatrist directly there or do you perhaps need a referral to one as well?

As for the Doctor, I recommend going to see the GP. The person at the desk doesn't know what contacts the Doctor has. That will give you the opportunity to explain your situation to him. He will then advise you what you need to do to get an appointment with a gastroenterologist and a psychiatrist.

I know you would like to cut out the "middle man" but I guess it just doesn't work like that where you live.

Also, are there no urgent care clinics where you live? Usually there is one in a downtown area that is more than a walk in clinic. They might have psychiatric staff on hand etc.

If nothing else the doctor might be able to prescribe drugs for you so you can make it to other appointments, there are drugs that can knock anxiety on its head. Not ones you might want to take daily, but that can get you through anxious times (like if you are scared to fly for instance).

Astro 08-22-2019 06:17 AM

Good to see you again Davey, and ditto to everything that trailmix shared with you. You've been very descriptive about the phobias and I can't say I have experience with what that's like but there are very few shortcuts in seeking help. Many alcoholics and addicts can't stay sober without some form of recovery program, it's a lifelong journey and I expect you're in for something similar. See your GP and get referrals, and from experience I can tell you that if anyone tells you to go home if you're not suicidal, then find another psychiatrist. I had to see a couple until I finally found one that was caring and compassionate enough to listen to me and understand what I needed to recover from alcoholism and suicidal ideations, and prescribe what I needed to help me on my journey.

Drinking, you already know, is a temporary solution that can have very final consequences. Please get that thought out of your head.

daveycrockett 08-24-2019 09:21 AM

My son is just that a son it is totally different than having a real true friend. I've been riding extreme severe waves of crap for six or seven years now. My life is totally destroyed beyond repair. I'm 59 years old now and I have nothing to look forward to in life. I just find it very hard to accept the fact that the medical field did actually destroy my life. In my whole life I never made such bad decisions as I did when on SSRI drugs. There is no chance of picking up the pieces because of my failing health now.

daveycrockett 08-24-2019 09:37 AM

I'm not really sure if I need a referral or not because I can't actually talk to a person. All I get is answering machines. I leave messages, I've left a hundred messages and I do not get even one call back.

I don't have a GP anymore and I have called a bunch of them and it's going to take at least several months to get an appointment. I did get a call back from the gastroenterologist I did see and made an appointment for September 26th. I had to beg her and she asked the doctor. I'll go to that if I don't die first. Having Medicare and being my age is a huge hindrance to finding help especially with a psychiatrist. In the past I told the truth on the phone and they just said, oh we don't want to be bothered with helping you because it's too much work for us. So I think you should just suffer and die is basically what they're telling me.

There's a walk-in right down the corner from me I can walk there, only a few hundred yards. actually sat in the parking lot a few times thinking about going in but I couldn't make myself do that. I've been to Butler and Kent psychiatric units and they just let me go home because I was not suicidal.

I will have to think long and hard about even considering taking any drugs ever again. SSRI drugs totally destroyed my life. They are responsible and the medical field is too I know people don't believe me saying this but it is the truth. My entire life up until age 53 I had perfect credit I was actually OCD about paying my bills I had to pay them immediately. After being on SSRI's for just a few months I went on spending sprees and my 800 plus credit rating crashed and I have the worst credit possible now.

daveycrockett 08-24-2019 09:48 AM

I honestly called everyone in Rhode island that accepts Medicare and I haven't got one call back yet and I don't expect one either. So how do I get help when no one will help me back? That's what I don't understand and I don't know what to do about that. In order for me to get help I have to tell lies and that is something I won't do.
I didn't have anything to drink yet but I am seriously considering it. I probably will buy some O'Doul's or something like that.

Zevin 08-24-2019 10:15 AM

You are ONLY have lots of life left and it can be great!
You have made INCREDIBLE progress since your last posts. I think back then you weren't able to call Dr. for help. That's a huge improvement!
I agree with Trailmix on asking a Dr. at the psychiatric places for something to help you with your extreme phobias, just so you CAN see a GP for a referral to a gastro Dr.
Also, did you tell the gastro receptionist that you ARE already their patient, since you have seen him before?

Gallbladder disease can sometimes be treated fairly easy (Cut out ALL fatty, rich food to start with) and a simple bloodtest would show liver problems.
If you have a liver problem, drinking will certainly not help --so take that option OFF the table.

If the psych place asks if your suicidal, I would tell them that you see no reason to live, you feel hopeless and alone. That IS the truth and should perk up their ears.

You do have a solution to all of this and you've made major changes in your life. The new job, you've been sober for a year and you have seen a psych Dr. twice.
Keep it up!!!

daveycrockett 08-24-2019 11:02 AM

it's been about 3 years since I actually tried to get help in person, that's when I was at Kent. I asked for medication for anxiety at that time they wouldn't give me anything they would do absolutely nothing for me because I was not suicidal and that's what they told me.

I am certain it is gallbladder because the symptoms are matching exactly. I haven't eaten fatty foods now since October. that's probably another reason why I'm not doing that great because I don't eat much. I have some rice some pasta other than that I mostly eat fruit and jelly on toast and I do have tuna fish sandwiches when I can tolerate them. It's going on a year now and I just haven't been eating much at all.

I can't remember exactly what I told them three years ago but I did tell him I was hopeless I'm sure. The only thing they care about is if you are suicidal or not that's all they want to know.

If I do have a solution I don't know what it is. It is 2:00 and I'm just laying in bed because I'm having difficulty breathing and feeling nauseous again that's why I'm sure it's my liver. I have constant nausea that gets worse when I walk stand up and do physical things. Just a few months ago it was better I was walking at least a mile or so a day.

daveycrockett 08-24-2019 11:09 AM

I'm not really complaining but I am honestly looking for help from a psychiatrist at this time. What do I do when I cannot get an appointment with anyone? I can't even get anyone to call me back. I'm not going to the psych ward again because I know what it's like there. I can get help today if I want to tell them I'm suicidal but I will not do that. So how do I get help when no one wants to help me?

Astro 08-25-2019 09:02 AM


Originally Posted by Zevin (Post 7254042)
If the psych place asks if your suicidal, I would tell them that you see no reason to live, you feel hopeless and alone. That IS the truth and should perk up their ears.

This is how I got help back in '05, yes I was taken to a psych hospital but they placed me in a recovery ward to get the help I needed, when I left I saw a couple psychiatrists who weren't very helpful and I ended up trying a wellness clinic, they saved my life by listening.

I know it's frustrating when people don't listen or pick up the phone but the only way I found myself getting the help I needed was by being persistent. You may also consider a local church for counseling and aide, many of them offer free or reduced cost services.

trailmix 08-25-2019 09:15 AM

You got an appointment with the gastroenterologist - that's great! That is a huge step in the right direction!

So no, not everyone is ignoring you. You called them and laid it on the line and they agreed to see you and gave you an appointment.

While you may not actually be planning to kill yourself Davey (thankfully!). I hope you will take Astro's words to heart. He DID get help and he just told you how he did it. Perhaps it's time to get that help? When is the last time you were in a psych ward? Things change. Different personnel get hired, it may not be what you imagine at all.

daveycrockett 08-25-2019 04:33 PM

:I'll make some more calls tomorrow I'll call them all back even the ones I already called and then I'll call the ones farther awayif I have to. I feel as though I just need somebody to give me a little guidance I wouldn't mind getting some klonopin or something like that too though. I don't want any psychiatric medicines. I'm also going to try to get in touch with a GP if I can. I did a quick look online, I have a few wellness clinics near me for psychiatric help I'll try those too.

trailmix 08-25-2019 06:53 PM

Yes that's it, keep on like Astro did.

You are doing well, remember where you came from - this is leaps and bounds from that. Yes, I know it's not all happening as fast as you would hope it would but you are making real progress now.

Let us know how that goes.

daveycrockett 08-26-2019 03:10 PM

I think I called just about every psychiatrist within 10 miles of my house. It's out of my hands now.. I spoke to one lady but she didn't take Medicare.

Copied this from WebMD:.

Residents of major U.S. metropolitan areas who need a psychiatrist are often likely to come up empty-handed, regardless of ability to pay, new research suggests.

Why? Wrong numbers, unreturned phone calls, and full practices, according to a study conducted around Boston, Houston and Chicago.

trailmix 08-26-2019 06:28 PM

Well, that's not a very hopeful thing.

Maybe your Gastroenterologist will know someone or know someone who knows someone.

Also your GP may know someone. Doctor's have connections within their communities, it would be wise to even visit the walk in clinic and talk to a Doctor there. Either he or one of the other Doctors there might be able to get you in somewhere or suggest something?

daveycrockett 08-31-2019 08:26 PM

I'll probably just wait for the gastroenterologist appointment. I guess I could probably get a referral from him. But I really wanted to talk to a psychiatrist first so maybe they could help me with my fears a little bit. I am having huge second thoughts about going to that appointment now.

Astro 09-01-2019 11:32 AM

Sometimes I look back with regret at what an experience I might have had if I had chosen to go through with something rather than avoiding it because I had second thoughts. Any input can be good or bad but regardless it's still the experience of getting the input, diagnosis, help, whatever it may be. You'll never know if you don't try it, right?

trailmix 09-01-2019 11:25 PM

I understand.

Two things, you could probably go to a walk in clinic to get something to take the day of your appointment (maybe even the day before as well) to calm your anxiety.

If not, force yourself to go to the appointment anyway, at least you will have made a contact. You can explain to him that you have great anxiety, not just a bit but a lot and you almost didn't make to the appointment because of it.

Don't want to miss the opportunity to talk to someone that has connections! If all you do is go there and talk to him, that is a huge accomplishment.

I mean even if you aren't willing for him to address your problems, you can still talk. Always remember you are able to get up and walk out at any point, it's not a prison!

daveycrockett 09-03-2019 10:28 PM

I know I just need to try and do this. I guess I could try a walk-in clinic but I don't know I haven't been able to do anything to get myself to any place like that yet. I went for my eye exam back in May and I still owe $150 that was left over from what Medicare didn't pay,d and I'm sure a walk in wont be cheap.

This gastroentomologist is very good. And I'm sure he'll want all kinds of tests, he's very thorough. And I know he's going to find some serious things. Absolutely no doubt my gallbladder is a mess and I'm pretty sure I have liver disease. I know I need to go and find out what torturing myself with the thoughts of going already. I wouldn't feel good at all about walking out. I think someone that did that would lose all credibility.

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