It's been two months since I last posted I'm not exactly sure why I haven't come back here sooner. I hope you all don't hate me too much.

it's been over a month since I last tried to find an appointment with a psychiatrist and couldn't get through to anybody except one lady who said they weren't accepting new patients. I'm going to call some in the next couple days. I might actually write it all down just to keep track of who I called and what they said if they answered.

I've been staring at the screen now for 10 minutes and I just don't even know what to say anymore. I need help and I need a close friend I need somebody in my life and it is no possibility of any of that so going to see what happens. And it's really difficult if not impossible to get out and meet anyone with a mouth full of rotted teeth and black front teeth and can't even show them. I'm just so disgusted. Just five years ago I was in good health I was in good shape I looked decent I was clean and now look at what anxiety and depression and OCD did to me. Another life absolutely destroyed.

I'm sure no one hates you here Davy - I'm glad to see you back :)
It may not be real life but there's a lot of cyber folks here too talk to :)
D

I'm glad you posted Davey and I don't see any room for hatred here, you are always welcomed and appreciated. I hope you'll start picking up the phone and making those calls, we'll never know what the result is until we make an effort.

Hi Davey, no certainly no hate here at all. In fact glad to hear from you!

I'm sorry you still haven't been able to get in to see a psychiatrist. I know that is your goal and one that you have been working on. If you keep persisting, if you tell them your dire need, maybe one of them will relent or have a cancellation to fill and will let you book in. Keep trying.

As for the dentist, I can't remember, I think this is another no go thing for you? I don't mean that to sound like I take it lightly, I don't.

Overall how you doing, feeling any better, eating well etc?

I'm glad no one here hates me. I didn't really mean to hate but maybe a little upset but I overthink. Nothing much has changed. I'm still working the security job usually 25 hours a week. When I work I eat a lot better because I pack a good lunch with fruit and sandwiches and salad or whatever I feel like having.

I still don't eat like I used to I have to force myself to eat a lot of times. But I've been eating a good variety and actually pretty healthy I think. but I find something I like though I tend to be obsessed with it and do it everyday. Last Sunday I found a good way to make a banana bread with zero fat. And it came out delicious. since last Sunday I have made 5 banana breads and I'm thinking about making another one now.

I don't feel as well as I did just a couple months ago. I have a lot of problems with my breathing. I always feel out of breath and I get this all over weakness feeling coming from the center of my body. And a constant feeling of nausea. Depression is always very difficult. When I'm not working all I do is lay in the bed I just have absolutely no desire or motivation to do anything. I know a lot of people have similar struggles and it is what it is.

No, not even a little bit upset, we are your friends not your enemies lol

Yeah I get hooked on different food too sometimes.

You know when you aren't eating a really balanced diet you might need say a multi-vitamin, do you take one?

I'm not one to think everyone needs vitamins but sure might not hurt when you aren't eating perhaps as much as you should?

I really hope one of those psychiatrists will let you make an appointment eventually. Don't be afraid to plead your case.

The last two sentences you wrote in your original post really resonated with me. I don't have any advice other than to keep trying to find help.

When I did take vitamins I usually just took them separately and not a multivitamin. Occasionally I did take a multivitamin if I found them on sale or something. My whole life I never took a lot of vitamins but I knew I was usually eating good up until a few years ago.

I've added a few more things to my diet that are low fat. At Thanksgiving time I bought stuffing mix and it only has one gram of fat per serving because instead of putting any butter in it I just put in a cup and a half of chicken or turkey stock. One of my favorite sandwiches of all time is a turkey sandwich with stuffing and cranberry. I've been eating a little bit of packaged turkey that is pretty low fat too but I get nervous when I eat it.

​​​​​​I did call a few more psychiatrists, and as I was actually calling one of them, a one of them called me. I did make an appointment for January 14th and I don't have any confidence about a psychiatrist but I know I need to talk to someone. I'm not extremely nervous about a psychiatrist because it's not invasive of my body just my mind I suppose.

I usually keep trying but when I was hit hard with that break down it almost killed me. if I had only gotten good solid help when I needed it could have prolonged my life by many years. And that is the biggest thing that angers me. Have to keep trying but it is really frustrating you have to make so many phone calls and take so long to get an appointment. And I'm sure there's people out there that are more desperate than me that need help. And I'll tell anyone Medicare is just not good. Help needs to be more readily available to people shouldn't take hundreds of phone calls to get help when you need it that goes for everyone.

I'm glad you have an appointment Davey - hope it's a help to you :)

D

Agreed!

Well, I am so happy for you that you FINALLY got an appointment somewhere, that is great news, you should be celebrating with a turkey and stuffing sandwich!

If you want "real" turkey, you know those Butterball turkeys they sell that are just turkey or you can buy the ones that are turkey with stuffing. They are SO easy to make, and you can slice and freeze any left overs for another time if you like.

You cook them from frozen:

Cook from Frozen. Preheat oven to 325°F (165°C).
Remove plastic bag. Do not remove inside netting.
Place breast on rack in shallow roasting pan.
Brush with oil to prevent drying. Do not cover.
Cook for 4 hours or until meat thermometer reads 165°F (74°C).

You can google Butterball Boneless Turkey Breast or Butterball Stuffed Turkey breast for more info if you are interested.

I'm really happy to hear you've got that appointment and it sounds like you're making great strides toward eating better too. That's great progress!

I looked at the turkeys at the market and I just checked the Butterball online and it's 7 grams of fat per serving. I haven't come close to eating 7 grams of fat at one time in well over a year. I'm terrified I'm going to have a gallbladder attack. I never want a severe gallbladder attack again. I've had a few minor ones that I can handle and as awful as they are don't feel like I'm going to die at that moment. But the severity of the big-3 I had wear absolutely unbearably horrible I don't know how I survived them. It's what you're used to I guess, and it's amazing what a person can get used to. I'm actually almost used to feeling nauseous and short of breath, not a nice way to live though.

The sad thing is I know if I got treatment I would feel so much better. Because I'm certain there's a few things going on. I started taking vitamins again yesterday. I took what I had which wiere vitamin D, vitamin b complex,vitamin B12, and iron. I started taking the iron because I thought I had anemia. Something that has been constant with me is the nausea, the shortness of breath, and just the general all over weakness feeling. I've been feeling extremely cold, ice cold and just can't get warm, especially with this weather.

I keep putting the heat up in my bedroom because I'm actually shaking and shivering. This morning I got up just all covered with sweat my clothes were drenched and I looked at the thermometer and it was 74 in here. Then I use my microwave heating pads. At the medical places if you tell them you're nervous and you're afraid of needles and shots they just do not care in the least, they don't try to talk you to your help you through it and just do what they want and that's why I won't go there. One time I was there with chest pains and I was told I was neurotic by the doctor. I knew that. Now can you help me with that?

I made a turkey sandwich, put one of those thin sliced hillshire farm slices a serving of stuffing and plenty of cranberry sauce. One sandwich has two and a half grams of fat and I always packed two of them. But I eat them very spaced out and I eat a banana and a couple apples in between, grapes or whatevers on sale.

I'm really feeling bad I need to get there but once they stick an IV in me they own me. And they're going to send security in I know. I know how it gets, I was training for that at one time for the hospital security. I couldn't continue working it because I couldn't work in that environment. When I went to Butler when I was 30. They sent down a half a dozen security guys and one of them had a taser. I do not trust them places and the people that work in them in the least. And when they call security or the police who's right and who's wrong?

QUOTE=trailmix;7331942]No, not even a little bit upset, we are your friends not your enemies lol

Yeah I get hooked on different food too sometimes.

You know when you aren't eating a really balanced diet you might need say a multi-vitamin, do you take one?

I'm not one to think everyone needs vitamins but sure might not hurt when you aren't eating perhaps as much as you should?

I really hope one of those psychiatrists will let y

Sandwich sounds great!

I think just staying focused on the psychiatrist appointment and what you really want to discuss with him is good enough for now.

He may even be able to help you overcome your fear of medical treatment, not right away of course, but over time.

He may also be able to put you in touch with other help, so I think this is really promising don't you?

I do think it is promising also but I'm apprehensive about it at the same time. I just feel I'm too far gone now my anxiety and depression problems ruined my life. The thing I can't escape right now and get out of my mind is what I did to myself. I actually just sit here and think about it and just shake my head in disbelief.

Davey, we'll never know if it's too late until we at least give it a try. I thought I was too far gone to recover from alcoholism, yet here I am.

I feel as though I have recovered from drinking alcohol, I mean I crave it sometimes but I will not drink again. It's been a very difficult past couple days because I feel my health is failing and I just feel very ill yesterday and today. I have said before I believe I have liver disease or cancer and the way I feel is just not a normal sick feeling like with the flu or something. I definitely need to see a doctor. I have the psychiatrist appointment on January 14th and I do plan on going to the appointment in hopes of getting some help from her so I can get the medical help I so desperately need.

I know I just said liver disease or cancer because I really do feel that bad. Today I peed a lot and I think it's because of diabetes. Since 9:00 I've been to the bathroom 5 times. And I was reading online about being anemic and a good test they say is to look at your lower inner eyelid and if they're a vibrant red you most likely are not anemic. My lower eyelids are light pink in color almost white so that pretty much clinches that I have anemia.

My mother died of cancer at 61, and when she did get to the doctor because she was afraid to go he told her she was anemic. After finding out she was anemic she only lasted a couple months. I've always thought that I was going to end up the same way and there's a good possibility that is what's happening. She was always afraid to go to the doctor too.

Believe it or not I actually have feelings that I want to go to a doctor. But I also have a lot of thoughts about how crazy they will think I am, because what kind of person would be so afraid to go to a doctor that they would let their health fail so bad? And my teeth are bad and they do not look good at all that will be a sure sign of craziness. And I don't want to be judged for things that I had lost all control over and lost my mind over. But I do cling to some hope that what I have is anemia and diabetes some less severe illnesses I suppose.

There are lots of things that can cause anemia, like a lack of certain vitamins for example - so yes, maybe don't try to always go to the disaster thinking!

I'm glad about the alcohol thing, you sound firm about that.

You know, doctors see so many different people, nothing you "look like" is going to phase them. If anything they understand better than anyone what phobias and mental challenges can do.

Anyway, I'm really glad you are going to keep your appt. on the 14th, I'm sure he will have suggestions for you and maybe even medications that can quell your anxiety enough so you could see a doctor.

Try to keep good thoughts, I know it's hard sometimes, but you are doing well just making and going to the appointment.

Yes I'm sure there's a lot of things that can cause anemia and I'm also sure that my not eating good contributed a lot to my problems. Several days ago I bought bags of hard candy some of it was leftover Christmas candy that was $0.50 a bag at the dollar store. I am realizing now that all the sugar in the candy I've been eating constantly for 5 days is probably what caused me to feel like this now. I'm making plans in my head to get to the doctor maybe this weekend I can get to the walk in clinic. But I'm certain this candy has really messed with my sugar.

I get stupid sometimes and it's pretty stupid when you think you have diabetes eating all that candy. I do eat something sweet every day but usually only once a day and usually at about 2:00 in the morning. I've been eating a lot of banana breads and I eat the frozen yogurt I make a banana splits out of it.

When I first started posting here I was really totally out of my mind with anxiety and depression. I have a strong desire to have a good life I'm not sure that's possible anymore. I mean it I'm seriously thinking about getting to the doctor. I don't know the date 3 1/2 four years ago maybe I went to the doctor I was struggling with alcohol and I never paid him what I owed him I think it was about $35. I know I just stupidly blew it off. I don't know if I should call him and they'll let me pay him what I owe them. I liked him and I went to him since about 2000 I think. I beat myself thinking about things like this.

I think I might feel more comfortable talking to him because I do know him more than a stranger but I'm not even sure about that. I don't know I think a stranger might be better I can't decide yet. I'll debate that for a a few hours or days not because I want to but because that's what my mind will do. I'm seriously considering doing something if I can do it quick for a change my mind again.