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Old 09-03-2019, 11:43 PM   #21 (permalink)
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You're right, they might. He is a doctor, he has some idea about anxiety. That's not the point though.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, at least you have an out.

You are building this so far up in your mind you are sabotaging yourself. You're not going to court.

My point is, don't make this out to be something it's not, like you will be in lock down, you won't. Looking at this from a different perspective can help, what you have done so far is not working, time for a new way to view this. Your mind is working overtime to make you believe you are off to work on the chain gang and will be forced to do things you don't want to do and that is just not true. It's just not.

I think it's important to do a reality check here. I'm not saying you don't know this but if you work on it bit by bit, the reality of going to see him, that might help.

If not, the other approach is to stop thinking about it altogether. Just know you need to get a cab at X time on X day and go there, numb it out of your mind.

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This gastroentomologist is very good. And I'm sure he'll want all kinds of tests, he's very thorough. And I know he's going to find some serious things. Absolutely no doubt my gallbladder is a mess and I'm pretty sure I have liver disease.
You're guessing. Again, building this up in your mind. At least you can get some facts instead of sitting there night after night worrying. That's kind of hell, going to talk to the man can't be worse than that?
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Old 09-04-2019, 06:07 AM   #22 (permalink)
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I think it's important to do a reality check here. I'm not saying you don't know this but if you work on it bit by bit, the reality of going to see him, that might help.
This made me think a lot about my experience with 12 Step recovery. The thought of going through those steps was agonizing, unbearable, I looked for another way, anything but having to go through that process. But even worse was continuing to live the way I was living, so I started to work those steps by just taking the smallest of actions, and then on to the next one. When I saw a positive result I started taking larger bites, and 14 years later here I am, maybe crazy at times but I'm still sober.

I agree that you may be sabotaging yourself. How about trying to think and act through each step rather than visualizing what the entire process "may" be but in reality you won't know until you go through with it?
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Old 09-06-2019, 01:30 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Every time I've ever dealt with anyone in the medical field they really did not have any clue at all about anxiety. I really don't understand that. If I go to the appointment I will stick it out but I still don't know for sure if I will go. I know I've said it before I just need someone to talk to.

My mind has always worked overtime it just never stops thinking. And then I have the OCD anxiety thoughts which just won't leave my head sometimes. I'm driving now so I'll just drive myself there unless I possibly go with my son but I doubt that very much.

Living living like this is truly unbearable. And also just the thoughts of going to the doctor are unbearable. I do sometimes actually visualize the whole process. I really know I do have to do this I mean it is a very difficult thing for me to do.

I think about this and this is all about an extreme fear ofsomething that I've never been able to conquer. I'm not afraid of heights for example, so if somebody that was terrified of heights had to walk across a 6 inch wide board for say a hundred feet to get to the doctor he wouldn't be able to do it. But I could probably one across the border if I could still run.
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Old 09-06-2019, 08:09 PM   #24 (permalink)
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You make a good point, Davey. Just the THOUGHT of walking on a 6" board, high off the ground, kind of made me want to scream.
It's a very good way to describe extreme anxiety.
Does it help to visualize the relief you will get from the Dr.? That there's medicine you can receive to help, even CURE, the gallbladder and liver pain? And that hopefully, the Dr. WILL be able to help you get relief from anxiety, via a referral to a psychiatrist?
I know the only way I would run across a tiny board, way up off the ground, would be to save someone else's life. If I realllly liked them.
Picture your son and the relationship you can very possibly build-up, once you get healthy.
I hope this helps.
Now I'm going to obsess on people who I would or would not cross over a high expanse to save...
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Old 09-07-2019, 02:03 AM   #25 (permalink)
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Good point, try to focus on the relief you will feel, not the actual visit.

Also, think ahead, like if the appt is at 1:00 by 1:30 ish you will be walking back to your car, only need to put in a half hour (or less) of talking.

Do you use deep slow breathing or singing songs in your head or any other distractions to cope with your anxiety? Do you own a stress ball, you know those small ones you hold in your hand and squish?

A distraction like that might help. You will also have your phone while you wait, take ear buds, listen to music or silly youtube videos.
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Old 09-07-2019, 07:17 PM   #26 (permalink)
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I can't visualize any relief I just try to put it totally out of my mind but it still keeps coming back in. I can't bear to think about going for tests and having shots and things like that and never mind if he mentions other things. I don't mind doing certain medications but I just hate going to the process you have to go through to get them. I was just thinking tonight of trying to buy some Valium or Klonopin from the guy I get my weed from see if he knows of anyone. I've had a bad couple of days.

I think it would be wonderful to be cured of gallbladder disease but having to have it removed or something is just a total horror show to me. I read something on Facebook a lady I'm friends with she just had to go in for that and it freaked me just reading about it caused extreme anxiety. but on the other hand I'm dying for a cheeseburger and fries.

The glass is always half-empty or less. You say I'll be walking back to my car in a half hour. I think I'll be heading somewhere else and be getting sliced. I read about this, if you get a very serious gallbladder attack it can get infected, gangrene pancreas can get inflamed and more. It can be a life-threatening situation.

I've tried many different techniques none of them ever really worked and I gave a lot of time to some of them. I still have cassette tapes with waterfalls and waves and stuff. And some lady telling me to relax calm down breath in breath out. One of the psychiatrist ladies I used to see made a tape in her own voice. I've tried a ball a little bit too. I have some anxiety books by dr. Claire Weekes. And I have a book called the Anxiety Disease.

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Old 09-07-2019, 08:52 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Been there, done that, including the gallbladder surgery.

Finally, it was time to have it removed and there was fever and there was no other option other than to go to the ER. I did, got tired of waiting, went home, went to a walk clinic the next day, he sent me back to the ER, got seen right away virtually and they said come back tomorrow for an ultra-sound. Then they gave me morphine. which took away the pain and the anxiety.

Next morning ultra sound then surgery at 9 PM. After rounds the next day I went home.

Now I don't know what horror stories you have been privy to but this is a very common surgery.

Remember once you get to the clinic or hospital they actually do understand anxiety.

Sure, you probably do need to have it removed, you're probably right but what I meant is that is still your choice, you can keep it and take your chances is what I meant. Plus you don't actually know how bad or good it might be. It might need surgery, it might only need medication, you won't know until you see him.

Yes, it sucks to be in that position but you will get through it.
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Old 09-08-2019, 09:18 AM   #28 (permalink)
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I can't even imagine going through anything like that ever again. To me the whole process and the way they do things, it's just so unprofessional, is just a horrible thing to me. The way things are done they do things to increase the stress. I think the whole medical field is a total mess it's a wreck.

12 I broke my knee and had surgery to repair it. I stayed overnight and had surgery first thing in the morning. I remember waking up and being sent to my room and I was all alone no family members were there. My father was too drunk to drive to the hospital that morning. I remember hearing the nurses talking about nobody being there for me. They even called my parents and told me they couldn't get through the line was busy. We had a party line and I don't know if it was the other people or what. I believe this is why I have this phobia.

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Old 09-08-2019, 03:38 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Oh no doubt it probably has something to do with it. It's like having a horrible dentist or dental experience as a child, it can follow you around for years.

I mean that can trigger a host of fears of being abandoned and helpless. That's kind of the message here. You are no longer abandoned or helpless - you are grown up and you get to make your own decisions.

That's what I meant about being in control of your Dr.'s appointment. Sure if you walk out that might be counter productive, sure if he says you should have an ultrasound and you choose not to that may be counterproductive but that does not take away from the fact that it is your choice.

Until you accept that, that you have yourself now, it will be really really hard to move forward with getting this help.

Yes, ideally you could find a psych and get mentally well before trying to attempt all this, but that's not working out right now so you need to go to plan B perhaps.

If you truly can't? Then you need to walk in to a psych ward perhaps and insist they help you and sit there until you get the help you need or in to see someone or have a treatment plan set up.
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Old 09-15-2019, 06:38 PM   #30 (permalink)
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I also had horrible dental experiences. I have a huge dental phobia too. My teeth are bothering me a lot I need to see the dentist but again I don't know if I can do it. Just about every tooth in my mouth is rotted. I just can't believe what I did.

​​​​​​I'm I'm all grown up and just made a lot of bad decisions. And these decisions about health were real bad. Putting off going to the doctor I made my health worse. Same with my teeth. It is stupid of me not going to the doctor and dentist. That's all I can think about right now. I'm torturing myself with the thoughts of why did I do this and why did I do that, questioning everything I ever did. OCD keeps the mind working.

If if I do go to the doctor I will do everything he says, that's what I plan to do anyways. Stress and Anxiety the fear just gets worse and worse as every day goes by with the appointment getting closer. I'm just thinking in my head constantly I'll just cancel it then I won't cancel it, I put up arguments for both sides. It's ridiculous.
​​​
The sad thing is I can see how difficult it is for people like me to get help. And I'm also sure there's a lot of people out there that would welcome the help and can't afford to get it. They don't even have the crappy Medicare I have.

As far as a psych ward I would never do that. But I honestly believe that if I found a good counselor, somebody to talk to even, it would be a big help to me it really would. That's what I was trying to do I can't get anything except possibly some big practices, that's what I'm afraid of and avoiding. Plus I find the people to be very cold.
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Old 09-16-2019, 05:53 AM   #31 (permalink)
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Dentists can repair most or all of those things, I did a lot of damage to my teeth from beer consumption, the carbonation is very rough on enamel and the teeth themselves. Nowadays I wear an upper denture, I lost 4 of my back teeth but the rest of my mouth is hanging in there.
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Old 09-18-2019, 09:54 AM   #32 (permalink)
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I probably also got damage from carbonation. I did some reading about dental problems and I know they do a lot more things now. Implants cost a small fortune, something like $2,000 a tooth. I looked online and there are dental grants but I filled out the application and they don't do it in Rhode island. There's not much help at all for anyone on SSI that needs assistance with dental. I have a couple teeth that are really bothering me,and in my opinion I think at least half of them could probably be saved. Medicare pays absolutely nothing for dental.

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Old 09-19-2019, 05:11 AM   #33 (permalink)
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Do you have any dental schools near you that might do work at a reduced rate? Yes, implants are expensive, that's why I wear dentures. I couldn't afford the 10k, my dentist wanted 2.5k per implant.
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Old 09-26-2019, 08:18 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Hey Davey, were you able to make it to your appointment today?
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Old 10-07-2019, 09:11 AM   #35 (permalink)
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Hope you will check in soon Davey and let us know how you are doing.
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Old 10-09-2019, 01:25 PM   #36 (permalink)
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I just want to let you know that I did not go to that doctor's appointment. I need to get help for my anxiety and depression before I can get help for my physical problems. And I also know that there is absolutely zero compassion at any of these doctor's offices and I need somebody with compassion.

I have been seeing psychiatrists on and off since I was 18 and I have never gotten the help I really needed. I used to try to hide my anxiety and depression from everyone and when I did I was treated with more respect as a person. The stigma associated with any kind of mental illness, in my opinion and at least with me, is now far worse than it's ever been. when your family and friends won't even support you you have absolutely nothing in this world.

There is truly no help available for a 60 year old man with severe anxiety and depression on Medicare. I am angry at myself and others. I am extremely angry at myself for what I did to myself and for what I have become. I desperately need to see a psychiatrist and I cannot find one and I have tried again and again so I don't know what to do.

I'm not going to come on here asking for help anymore because I don't listen and I don't follow the suggestions and advice I am offered. I have severe mental road bocks that prevent me from getting physical help but that's just the way it is and that's the way it always will be. I'm at a total loss and I just don't know what I'm going to do and frankly I really don't give a **** anymore.
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Old 10-09-2019, 05:32 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Well I'm not really surprised, wish you had been able to make it, but that's water under the bridge now.

So you are agoraphobic by and large. You need psychiatric help but won't go to the hospital to ask for help because you don't want to tell them you are suicidal because you don't think you are.

You wanted help for the pain you are in and managed to get an appointment but didn't go.

If you got an appointment with a psychiatrist, would you actually be able to go?

So yeah, I understand your not being able to make the appointment and that's too bad. The only thing that makes any sense is walking in to a health facility, like a psychiatric hospital and saying please help me.

Isolating yourself isn't going to help. I'm sure our encouragement is pretty annoying really and I totally get that.
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Old 10-09-2019, 07:09 PM   #38 (permalink)
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I know in my posts I talked about a lot of things. But don't remember talking much about agoraphobia. I've always had pretty severe agoraphobia and again I don't know why for sure. But I remember when I was young driving to New Hampshire and Maine and places in my father's old clunker. And breaking down and being stuck out in the middle of nowhere scared me I guess.

When I was around 20 I was afraid to leave my street and actually afraid to leave the house for a short time. And I really struggled with agoraphobia ever since then. It was a problem my whole life. It affected jobs and relationships and so much more.

I don't like dealing with a lot of medical people and psychiatric people because alot of them are just not kind for some reason. I don't like the cold in those places and the cold feeling I get, the thoughts, the terror, my mind trying to deal with any medical thoughts. That's what stops me from going because I don't want to go somewhere I'm afraid to go to. I know that from a lot of the people I've dealt with, either that or I had bad luck picking people.
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If I went to that appointment I already had it all planned out in my head. I was afraid to go, I was afraid he was going to suggest I have to go to the hospital. I had trouble typing that. Then the tests, I detest needles and any of that stuff, it's just horrifying. And over the last couple of years my fears have gotten so much worse I think. When I was healthy and strong as a horse I had the fear but I kind of knew I was pretty healthy. Even though I had convinced myself I had many diseases ever since I had lockjaw as a child.

I would go to a psychiatrist appointment but would prefer a psychiatrist working on their own and not one of those big cold practices. The last psychiatrist I had was a nurse practitioner. I liked her just because her whole attitude was very laid-back and she was just friendly. She actually helped with things.

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Old 10-10-2019, 12:24 AM   #39 (permalink)
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You won't know what kind of Dr. you will get unless you actually GO to see them.
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Old 10-10-2019, 01:58 AM   #40 (permalink)
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Yes, what Zevin said. That's what I meant by, you can always walk out.

Well, you didn't think you could get an appointment with a gastroenterologist - but you did. You don't think you can find a psychologist, but you will, eventually.

Put all your effort in to it. Call the psychiatric hospital, the salvation army, every charitable organization for mental health in your area. Walk in to the psychiatric hospital and ask for help.

I understand the fear but at least with this all you are going to be required to do is talk, hopefully you can force yourself to get to an appointment.

I understand agoraphobia and I know it is almost impossible to fight alone, however you do manage to get to work which is a really good sign, you aren't completely cut off, so take the opportunity to search out that psychiatric care.

I know you have tried and called, well maybe call them all again, have you tried every charitable organization and psychiatric unit?
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