I'm spiraling!!
 

I had a night of heavy drinking. Everything seemed normal for days, but then little things started happening that have me convinced I blacked out. Days go by and I start to get worried I've done something horrible, sending detailed drunk text to colleague (conveniently not my phone). In asking around, no one has said I was out of hand that they noticed.

I'm honestly at a point where I think I'm having a nervous breakdown because I will hear things that send a jolt to my core as some kind of recollection of something horrible I said. There are multiple instances of these types of triggers. Yet no one can corroborate that this happened. I'm still convinced that I'm being spared the embarrassment by like 20 people too nice to say anything. I don't know which kind of crazy I am right now. Am I paranoid and/or a horrible blackout drunk?!

Has anyone had these types of fears or memories creep in well after the fact?! Was it true or your anxiety playing to all your worst fears? I am meeting with my therapist ASAP, but just want to know if anyone has experienced this?!

Is this a recent event or the same one from the other thread?

I think those feelings of anxiety and paranoia are common - especially if you've been a drinker for some years.

The phenomenon of alcoholic kindling means our withdrawals tend to get worse & worse over time.

Fortunately I've never had to deal with any of that since I stopped drinking.

If you haven't already now would be a great time to quit. You need never feel this way again HideMe :)

D

"Wigging" is pretty normal early on, especially after a bad binge or was for me. There is nothing that will trigger a memory from a blackout, because it is an oxymoron. A blackout occurs because the event was not imprinted or saved in the brain. One can't recall something that was never saved. As crazy as it may sound blackouts were not a big deal for me. I though it was just a part of drinking. My denial made me think they were normal and at times they were just part of life. If we don't drink, this craziness gets better, then most of the rest is up to us.

It is one and the same event. The anxiety is crushing, and for a while I thought I was losing my mind. So many elaborate scenarios played out that I couldn't trace back to events. Waves of guilt and shame. I am doing slightly better now, and I haven't had a drink in weeks.

I don't know how common it is to have these types of reactions, if at all. But it's terrifying in the midst. It's all well and good to focus on preventing a next time, but when you feel like you're headed straight to a psych ward, that alone doesn't help unfortunately

...onward and upward

I think at some point you have to let the shame go?

Not drinking helps. It took me about 3 months of sobriety but I got a fairly good sense of perspective back by then.

D

Working on it. Thanks for the perspective

This is similar to what I experienced, pretty much all the time, toward the later stages of my alcoholism.

Do yourself a favor and get help.

If you were blacked out and can only remember bits and pieces and they were horrible, imagine of you knew all that you did. I'm thankful and you should be thankful too that your friends haven't told you what you've said and done. If you knew, it wiuld tear you to peices. There's only one thing to do to stop all the madness, stop drinking. Your lucky you haven't gotten to the stage of hospital visits yet. You will if you keep drinking. Save yourself bad heartache, more blackouts, hospital stays and stop drinking darling. Or at least start to ween down and start ur recovery please