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Old 02-01-2019, 09:04 AM   #1 (permalink)
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January was a struggle


Seems like every year, January is awful. Part of me is like "stop saying that, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy," but I swear I always go into the month hoping for the best. Hoping it'll finally be different.

This year, I had high hopes and sure enough have been let down on numerous fronts, from financial problems to transportation problems to health issues in the family and of course, as someone with generalized anxiety, I found myself swimming in this feeling of uneasiness and tension as soon as the first ball dropped.

I have problems with getting angry and defensive when my anxiety levels are the highest, so not only am I having to cope with a bunch of awful circumstances, I'm pushing people away because I can't control my attitude or emotional outbursts. And I try so, so hard to focus on what IS positive (I really do believe that no matter how bad things get, it is possible to be grateful for things, even if they're simple like food/shelter)...it's just that the little anxious monster in my brain obsesses so hard on the negative, that the negative is all that comes out in my interactions with others. And then I get resentful when those around me say, "Just focus on the good," because I am trying to and I want nothing more than to let the positive things keep me "afloat" but I swear, I just feel like I take a step forward only to get kicked in the face.

I don't really even know what the point of this post is other than a rant. I'm just hoping that things start to get better.
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Old 02-02-2019, 05:53 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I really do hope that February is a better month for you, and rant away. I do find myself anxious and complaining often about the difficulties I encounter, and these are the times when I'm grateful for the simple and basic pieces of life too....food, shelter, clothing, smiles, uplifting words of encouragement. It's a constant rollercoaster, if it weren't life would be awfully boring and mundane.
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Old 02-03-2019, 01:50 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I really do hope that February is a better month for you, and rant away. I do find myself anxious and complaining often about the difficulties I encounter, and these are the times when I'm grateful for the simple and basic pieces of life too....food, shelter, clothing, smiles, uplifting words of encouragement. It's a constant rollercoaster, if it weren't life would be awfully boring and mundane.
This is so true! I actually just posted elsewhere that being sober is wild in the best way because not being numb means living with our feelings! So while the lows can stink, the highs are well worth it because they're authentic

Happy to report that in the day following this initial post i was able to swing out of my funk. I know there will be rough days going forward but it's nice to remember that it's always temporary.

Thank you for the kind response!
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Old 02-03-2019, 02:07 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I find this time of year is always hard on me, too. I remember that it is temporary for what is seasonal and push through. Also, I have similar situations that you are going through that are the life comes our way and can be distressing: finances, family going through significant worries of their own that we are a part of, work pressures, you name it. I was posting in my home class this evening about how it was affecting me, and getting it off my chest was helpful for me, too. I am glad that you are feeling less of the funk, and remember that coming to SR to express your worries is a part of recovery along with the work needed to get through it all.
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Old 02-03-2019, 10:52 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I know there will be rough days going forward but it's nice to remember that it's always temporary.
Yes, that's key - it's temporary! Also I think it's important to not let the "pile on" thoughts linger. Say your car gets a flat tire then your Sister calls to say she can't deliver the cake she was going to drop off for your friend's birthday (whatever the case may be).

Sometimes it's easy to think of it as a pile of items being put upon you. Much better to realize they are individual items that can each be dealt with.

If you start thinking of them as all these "things that happen to you, it's never ending" then it becomes a way of life almost, almost a victim mentality and that can be very negative.

Stuff happens, it's not your "life" it's just stuff.

I think on the flipside, how often do you see people say, wow I won $2 on my lottery ticket and the coffee I bought is like the best coffee ever and my Sister is bringing home cake, I'm so happy my car is so reliable, wow my life is going good!

Works both ways!
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Old 02-03-2019, 11:48 AM   #6 (permalink)
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trailmix, "victim mentality" is spot on!!! I was raised in a family where every addict (most of them still active in addiction) perpetuate this point of view. It's so toxic and takes real effort on my behalf to not get sucked into this way of thinking.

Luckily, both my husband and mother look at things from the complete opposite viewpoint which is the "it's just life" stuff, and focus more on the blessings.

A huge part of my recovery I think, is moving from one side of the spectrum to the other
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Old 02-03-2019, 08:15 PM   #7 (permalink)
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January always sucks for me- I have shared elsewhere, so will not do here, but a bad month. I go into shutdown- just rest, eat, hydrate, meetings - see GP and other health prof's....and not much more. I know that booze is NOT an option and it is hard somedays to move forward because of the emotional and mental exhaustion I get...posting here helps, as does writing and making myself be around humans.

Support to you.
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Old 02-04-2019, 02:14 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I always think January is a bad month. It's partly because after Christmas and the New Year it's all one big comedown with nothing to look forward to. And it's usually cold and it gets dark too early. I feel much the same about February too. But moving on to March the nights are starting to get lighter and I know that spring is on its way (plus it's my birthday in March!).

As you can tell I'm not a big fan of winter... though recently we had a lot of snow which did cheer me up.
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Old 02-27-2019, 02:26 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Everyone has a bad month, but I am sorry January is yours. Mine seems to be every month. LOL Rely on strong people, rely on us, rely on anyone or anything positive in your life. Anxiety can be such a beast and it takes support to take it down. Do you happen to talk to any professionals? Or is literally just January that you have major anxiety and the rest of the year you are fine? I wish you well and if you ever need to vent, just hit me up!
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