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When your words mean nothing

Old 07-25-2018, 06:41 PM
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When your words mean nothing

Random....

Do you ever open your mouth to speak, or have a thought you want to share, but the minute you start to talk, you panic? This happens to me... it’s like the second I begin to speak, I get hit with “what I say doesn’t matter” syndrome. It really sucks when this gets reinforced.

I’m reading a non-fiction book and came across a paragraph containing a name of a relative of mine who was alive in the late 1800’s (my dad does genealogical research) I went to share this with my boyfriend... and immediately started stumbling on my words. He lifted his headphone to listen to me, then just put it back on when I was finished. No remark, no reaction. I felt stupid... in fact, I feel stupid all the time.
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Old 07-25-2018, 11:45 PM
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Where do you think that comes from? I can certainly understand how your self confidence might slip if you state something to your bf and get absolutely no reaction and he just puts his headphones right back on. That's a bit odd really.

Was it like that in your family? Were they/are they listeners?

Can't say I have experienced what you have, there are times I go to say something and then just don't bother because I know the other person is either not going to be interested or is not in the mood to talk, so not worth saying whatever it is, but that's not quite the same thing.
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Old 07-26-2018, 05:20 AM
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You've given me a good reminder of the importance of being an attentive and interested listener. Thank you, and welcome to SR.
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Old 09-05-2018, 09:13 PM
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This happens to me in a similar fashion. I have pretty bad social anxiety and its almost like an out of body experience watching myself from a 3rd person's perspective sometimes. My upbringing was pretty invalidating and my husband ignored me often. I think all of that contributed. There's no worse feeling than hearing crickets after you speak, especially if its something important to you. Sorry you are going through that.
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Old 09-07-2018, 02:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Arpretty View Post
Random....

Do you ever open your mouth to speak, or have a thought you want to share, but the minute you start to talk, you panic? This happens to me... it’s like the second I begin to speak, I get hit with “what I say doesn’t matter” syndrome. It really sucks when this gets reinforced.

I’m reading a non-fiction book and came across a paragraph containing a name of a relative of mine who was alive in the late 1800’s (my dad does genealogical research) I went to share this with my boyfriend... and immediately started stumbling on my words. He lifted his headphone to listen to me, then just put it back on when I was finished. No remark, no reaction. I felt stupid... in fact, I feel stupid all the time.
Every so often I will have a hard time articulating precisely what I want to say, but that's usually when I'm very tired.
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Old 09-23-2018, 06:46 AM
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I understand your disappointment.

I would guess some people are just not "good listeners," etc. I know it's hard to not take it personally.


Anxiety is a hurdle but it can be overcome; finding peace is invaluable. Best wishes to you.
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Old 09-29-2018, 07:45 AM
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Never ever forget that what you have to say is important. What you think, what you feel, and what you say MATTERS.
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Old 10-02-2018, 06:27 AM
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Yes....this happens to me....I feel so invisible sometimes. I sometimes wonder if it is anxiety or I am losing it (dementia). Either way it is painful.
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Old 10-02-2018, 10:00 AM
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Originally Posted by Bethany57 View Post
Yes....this happens to me....I feel so invisible sometimes. I sometimes wonder if it is anxiety or I am losing it (dementia). Either way it is painful.
Hi Bethany,

I don't know if this might help you, but my recent experience with anxiety is that it feels like dementia. I think what's happening is that the older I get, my anxiety is just presenting itself in different ways. I forget words, or I can't think of the word I'm thinking of. It's not dementia, though.

I feel invisible a lot of times, too. And I can just hear my psych's voice in my head saying, "Feelings LIE". He tells me to pound that into my head. He's the best psych I've ever gone to. I just need to remember to do what he says. But I thought if I shared it here, it could help others.

You're not invisible, Bethany. It's just the anxiety making you feel that way.

Have you ever tried mindfulness? It's helping me a lot to observe the thoughts in my head but not attach myself to them or try to run away from them. I am getting more skilled at not listening to my mind. It takes practice though.
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Old 10-02-2018, 10:08 AM
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Originally Posted by Bethany57 View Post
Yes....this happens to me....I feel so invisible sometimes. I sometimes wonder if it is anxiety or I am losing it (dementia). Either way it is painful.
Hi Bethany,

I don't know if this might help you, but my recent experience with anxiety is that it feels like dementia. I think what's happening is that the older I get, my anxiety is just presenting itself in different ways. I forget words, or I can't think of the word I'm thinking of. It's not dementia, though.

I feel invisible a lot of times, too. And I can just hear my psych's voice in my head saying, "Feelings LIE". He tells me to pound that into my head. He's the best psych I've ever gone to. I just need to remember to do what he says. But I thought if I shared it here, it could help others.

You're not invisible, Bethany. It's just the anxiety making you feel that way.

Have you ever tried mindfulness? It's helping me a lot to observe the thoughts in my head but not attach myself to them or try to run away from them. I am getting more skilled at not listening to my mind. It takes practice though.
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Old 10-02-2018, 01:44 PM
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Thank you pathway....feelings lie....that is so true. I need to remind myself of this more often.
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Old 10-02-2018, 02:55 PM
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In hindsight, I do remember this type of occurrence when I first got sober.

I'll bet that it goes away with a little time.
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