trailmix

There are work from home opportunities on the phone (taking pizza orders etc), but you need a computer and internet, so that's probably not an option?

Davey, please spend the $50.00 - that's my advice. Right now having that house call, for your own peace of mind, is more important than anything.

I'm sure you've heard the helicopter/canoe/motorboat story - here in part:

"A helicopter spotted him and dropped a rope ladder. A rescue officer came down the ladder and pleaded with the man, "Grab my hand and I will pull you up!" But the man STILL refused, folding his arms tightly to his body. “No thank you! God will save me!”

Shortly after, the house broke up and the floodwaters swept the man away and he drowned.

When in Heaven, the man stood before God and asked, “I put all of my faith in You. Why didn’t You come and save me?”

And God said, “Son, I sent you a warning. I sent you a car. I sent you a canoe. I sent you a motorboat. I sent you a helicopter. What more were you looking for?”

trailmix

I want to apologize if my last post sounded heavy handed, it wasn't intended that way.

I just hope you know that may be the best $50.00 you have ever spent. Imagine if that one call gave you some peace of mind and some freedom from your anxiety and depression.

daveycrockett

I didn't try to find any home employment yet but I need to find something. I have a Mac laptop that needs a charger so I ordered one from Amazon. I'll have it tomorrow. I have been looking for low priced Internet but couldn't find anything except high speed for $39.99 a month. With my new phone I have 30 gigs of hotspot I can use. With Metro you get a free membership to Amazon Prime so that's good and actually saves me a few bucks.

I've been figuring out my budget and it is very tight. I can't even spend that $50.00. If she did come here I have no doubt she will force me to get more help. I'm really struggling with the decision to get a house call. I know I said I can and will do it but this is very difficult for me to do. I will talk to a Social Worker if I can find one.

i totally understand that story and the very first thing that came to my mind is, where is my car, canoe, motorboat, and helicopter? I am drowning and I'm in deep but there is no one willing to help me. If there is a God he wants me to drown. I'm not being negative, I'm just being honest.

I didn't think your comment was heavy handed. I know you were telling me there is hope and help around me and that I just need to accept that help and ask for that help. I think about that all day long and I do try to convince myself to get the help I need.

Something like stuffing envelopes or doing piece work is a good thing for me to do. I do have an old friend who I haven't spoken to in years that I might try to get in touch with. He owns a jewelry making business.

trailmix

For the at home jobs I was thinking of you need a PC with Windows 10, so a Mac won't do unfortunately.

As for the analogy with the canoe etc. The house call is the canoe!

I hope your friend could use some help with his business, that would be ideal.

Astro

I don't believe that God would want you to drown Davey, I've found that His will and purpose for my life are not always easy but the plan and design is usually perfect.

daveycrockett

I thought a Mac would be good, I did find some survey sites where a few bucks can be made. I did fool around doing surveys about eight years ago. I did it for a couple weeks a few hours here and there. I did get paid a couple times but it was only like $20.00. ​

I got Internet for $39.99 a month, I've been without internet for two years now. I'll get the modem tomorrow and it'll be a lot easier surfing with a computer than a phone.

I didn't try to get in touch with my old friend and I don't know if I will. I also though about trying to find transcription work. There must be something I can do to make money.

trailmix

Nice about getting internet, that will open your world up a bit anyway and that's great! If nothing else it can keep you entertained and that never hurts ones mood!

Astro

Ya know, that's how I found SR. I was newly sober with a new computer, and dial-up at the time. It kept me engaged in recovery.

daveycrockett

I'm on line with the Mac book. It is a lot better surfing with a computer rather than a phone. There's a site called everyone on that helps people connect with low priced internet and low priced computers. There wasn't any low priced internet in my area but they have laptops that can be purchased for $160.00, if I needed a PC I could get one. I'm still trying to figure out how to make a few bucks.

Good old dial up was frustrating but it did let us connect. I guess I'm newly sober with a computer now. I play chess to try to get my mind off things and I guess it helps me stay sober.

trailmix

Yes, games are good and can help to relieve anxiety.

I pm'd you a link to that online employment site I mentioned, just in case you get a PC, all the specs for what you need are there.

Have you given any more thought to the house call? At least it would be in your space - so you have control.

daveycrockett

I do like playing games and found some good maze games. I also play a lot of chess. I know when I'm not thinking clearly by the way my score plummets.

​​​​​I'm sick as a dog again. I was feeling good and eating pretty good. Last night I had cookies and milk and got that terrible pain in my back again. It was in my back and chest now it's in my stomach. I can't eat now but had a couple popsicles. Will try to eat something else or have some tea soon.

I'll look at that site probably real soon. I signed up for surveys yesterday and made a whopping $1.97. I got sick when trying to do surveys and had to stop. Doing them I can only make about $2.00 an hour.

Last night I thought about calling someone but of course I didn't. I do think about the house call all the time but I can't force myself to call anyone yet.

trailmix

As you know I totally understand that.

However the beauty of this is that you have control. Remember, you don't have to lay out your whole life story to this person, you don't have to tell them every ache and pain you have ever had.

What is your most important issue right now? Anxiety and depression. Once you can get that under control, the rest will follow. Perhaps when you do have that visit, just focus on that. If you want to discuss the digestive issues at the same time, that's up to you.

You could mention that you had been treated for some digestive issues that have flared up again and you were prescribed XYZ which really helped, she might just write you a new prescription on the spot.

Won't know how hard or easy it can be if you don't try.

Discussing anxiety and depression is not that hard, most Doctors, I imagine, are quite well versed on it now.

daveycrockett

I made a few calls to find someone to do a house call but no luck. I then called the suicide line and I told her what is going on and that I've been extremely ill for 30 hours and she said to see a doctor. I told her I have extreme medical phobia and she said see a doctor. I said I can't force myself to go to a doctor and that I want a house call or a Social Worker to come by. She couldn't find anything like that. She just said again you really need to go to a doctor. I said I haven't been able to force myself to get there because of mental illness and the phobia. Again she said go to a doctor you really need to get there. Again I said I can't. And so on. I ended the call with no help at all. I might call that doctor that makes house calls but she really can't do much without doing tests. I want and need to talk to a Social Worker.

I feel better but still not good. I know the pain I get is probably reflux or an ulcer or possibly pancreatitis. It is extreme when it incapacitates me for three days. I've had reflux for something like ten years and this is so much more extreme than GERD. I'm questioning myself and thinking I'm just a baby and can't handle something like GERD. I have always had a high tolerance to pain so I don't think it is really a low tolerance.

I have no desire to eat at all but I can feel myself getting weaker. I had a couple popsicles and I'm gonna try to eat some yogurts. I'm gonna try to eat a bland diet. I have bread to make toast and I have rice and chicken and waffles. So I'm gonna eat something soon.

I can do a food order from Whole Foods and get it in about an hour. Any suggestions for bland foods is much appreciated. I'll order bananas and ginger ale and I'm not sure what else. I have four whole chickens in the freezer and I have vegetables and I'll definitely make another soup.

Saturday when the cable guy came here I felt good, better than I have in months. Then Sunday night I get sick and don't eat for three days. This is a devastating setback for me. I was thinking of doing things like going for a walk, I felt good. Now I'm just trying to eat a little something. I don't feel like making the soup because I am so weak again but I have to make it. As I type this I remembered I have a quart of soup in the freezer so I'll eat that and thaw a chicken to make soup either later today or tomorrow.


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trailmix

You are future tripping on the Doctor house call thing. You assume that you can't do anything without a battery of tests. That's not true. Most Doctors start small, no use sending you for multiple tests if not needed when a simple prescription or other less costly solution will do.

Remember, Doctors that make house calls do so because there are people who aren't out and about and this includes agoraphobics, so this will be something they are familiar with.

I can't really think of any other bland foods other than those you have mentioned. Be sure when you make soup etc that you don't add anything spicy, including pepper. I know that probably goes without saying but we generally don't think of pepper as a stomach irritant or things that are acidic, like tomatoes.

daveycrockett

It's just that I haven't had any tests or anything for several years. I really believe she will tell me to get somewhere for tests and treatment. I honestly would do that at this time if I had a friend or family member with me. I know beyond any doubt I am in a serious condition. I need the mental treatment first I think. I need some tranquilizers which I could probably get from a house call.

I only ate popsicles and a yogurt today and after eating the yogurt I had pain in the center of my back that eased after an hour. I know beyond any doubt that I'm in serious condition. The only person I talk to doesn't care at all. I told him what's going on. I talked to him and he can't even ask how you feeling. That is just crazy. It makes no sense to me at all.

I clearly remember when my mother was sick and dying how we were all there for her. And I see how my ex wifes family and just everyone helps each other. My family is just a narcissistic bunch that won't help the black sheep.

daveycrockett

I apologize for not following and taking the good advice that I asked for and was offered. I'm dealing with a very serious mental illness that I can't see any way of me getting help. Here is Thanksgiving again and I'm alone again this holiday season. I always loved the holidays and this is an extremely brutal way for anyone to spend the holidays.

I honestly want to be dead and I hope when I go to sleep I never wake again. Sure that is the mental illness talking but there truly is no hope for me. I don't want sympathy I might just want understanding. Everyone knows this is how it can be for the mentally ill. I don't know how or why this happened to me but it did.
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Astro

I refused to spend my first holidays sober alone Davey, so I made sure I was at my local AA club early in the morning to help serve, I stayed there into the night eating, fellowshipping, and making new relationships that I hold dear to this day. I know you need help, I know your condition is serious, but I also believe that if we keep reaching out to the right people in desperation that help will arrive in the form that we need. It may take time, but persistence and desperation is sometimes required.

Take a walk out the front door, walk in your yard, breathe in some fresh air. Bland? Low sodium soups, crackers, stay away from spices and acidic foods, but keep up the greens.

Happy Thanksgiving to you. I may be on the other side of the country from you, but I am thinking about you today and hopeful for the help that you will receive at some point.

trailmix

Yes, unfortunately it did and that is a sad thing really, but there is help and you will get there eventually.

As for holidays, you know, they are only as important as we make them. I like Astro's suggestion a lot. Perhaps by Christmas you will be in AA and have a fellowship there, now that would be something to work toward.

No need to apologize for not taking advice, you know it is given with good intent and if it's repeated it's only for support, not to make you feel bad at all.

You will get there, you will have a moment of strength and you will make that call, put all your "what if's" and other fears aside and it soooo won't be as bad as you think.

daveycrockett

I wish I could do something like go to a small meeting but I can't at this time. I refuse to spend the holidays alone too but that doesn't change the fact that I am alone. My son visited and saw many relatives and friends yesterday but didn't come see me. People like me don't get the same respect as normal people.

Last Saturday I walked outside and cleaned my house and got rid of some trash and about a hundred wine boxes. I thought I was doing good and my mind started thinking of things to do. Then Sunday I had what I now know is a gallbladder attack. I ate a couple yogurts, some rice, some chicken, and a bowl of soup yesterday. I'm afraid to drink an Ensure. But I did make ginger tea and that was soothing. I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving.

daveycrockett

I know the help is there if I ask but you know the story. In July 2016 my ex took me to the place I fear most and I was judged by the staff and also asked if I was homeless. They assumed because I was scruffy and didn't shower I was homeless. I told my story and the truth and they had my address.

I can't help but notice the holidays are happening all around me. The people here decorate and put lights and wreaths and things up. When I talk to my son we talk about Christmas and I bought him some gifts. I don't make the holidays important but it is a time for happiness and cheer and visiting relatives and friends.

I know I don't need to apologize but I can imagine you and Astro and others must at least get frustrated. I'm honestly a bit surprised anyone here is still talking to me. I don't know if I'll get the strength and courage to get help, I suppose time will tell.
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