Social anxiety and drinking
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Join Date: Oct 2017
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Social anxiety and drinking
I feel like i am the only one who drinks to feel normal. I cant walk down the street, go to the gym, talk on the phone, meet friends without having a knot in my stomach and my mind racing. It is becoming unbearable. I drink constantly to just be able to have a conversation without people thinking im a nervous wreck. Ive found from experience people dont like quiet people and ive been labelled that my whole life but with a drink i am funny and chatty, which is the real me without anxiety. I feel like i will be like this forever. I have tried cbt and medication, nothing works. I am about to quit my job. Is anyone else this severe?
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,035
I think you will find that many of us have struggled with, and overcome, very similar issues in our life and our recovery has given us the tools to have normal and productive lives. Please continue to share and learn here, I'm glad you've joined us.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Paradoxically the alcohol both caused and temporarily cured the anxiety for a lot of us.
Then it takes more alcohol and drinking more often to keep the panic down. Welcome to addiction/dependence.
Quitting alcohol and other recreational drugs leads to healing. I hope you'll join us. It took me a few months before I went back to calmer, in-control of my emotions.
Then it takes more alcohol and drinking more often to keep the panic down. Welcome to addiction/dependence.
Quitting alcohol and other recreational drugs leads to healing. I hope you'll join us. It took me a few months before I went back to calmer, in-control of my emotions.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Kathy88 
I feel like i am the only one who drinks to feel normal. I cant walk down the street, go to the gym, talk on the phone, meet friends without having a knot in my stomach and my mind racing. It is becoming unbearable. I drink constantly to just be able to have a conversation without people thinking im a nervous wreck. Ive found from experience people dont like quiet people and ive been labelled that my whole life but with a drink i am funny and chatty, which is the real me without anxiety. I feel like i will be like this forever. I have tried cbt and medication, nothing works. I am about to quit my job. Is anyone else this severe?
i found out for me the anxiety was fear- fear of what others thought of me, and the (unknown) opinion was always negative.
plus low self esteem- i didnt think too highly of myself so my(unknown) opinion of what others thought of me wasnt too good.
the program of AA did wonders for finding the underlying issues and solutions for them.
today, when i go out, i dont care what others think of me. i dont care about their opinion of me. i also cant mind read any more and think i know how other people view me.
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
All I know for sure is that drinking, makes the knot in the stomach grow much bigger when not drinking. I have found for me that exercise has helped me tremendously, while drinking makes it exponentially worse. Just my experience.
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
Drinking did help me at first with my shyness, until it backfired on me and caused behaviours that made me feel shame and embarrassment and then completely avoid people because of that.
The AA program helped me too in the ways that tomsteve mentioned. I learned to be around others and it was a little easier when I saw that we had something in common. I learned to stop being so self-centered and my self-esteem began to improve as I worked the 12 steps in my life and went on from there to increase my spiritual understanding of life.
Finally, but it took years and years, I just accepted that I'm shy and quiet and no longer feel bad about myself for being that way. I think age also has a lot to do with it. I just don't really care what people think of me anymore and that is so freeing.
The AA program helped me too in the ways that tomsteve mentioned. I learned to be around others and it was a little easier when I saw that we had something in common. I learned to stop being so self-centered and my self-esteem began to improve as I worked the 12 steps in my life and went on from there to increase my spiritual understanding of life.
Finally, but it took years and years, I just accepted that I'm shy and quiet and no longer feel bad about myself for being that way. I think age also has a lot to do with it. I just don't really care what people think of me anymore and that is so freeing.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome Kathy, I think you'll find that you are definitely not alone, anxiety is very common with addiction and most of us have been in the exact same place as you. At one point in my drinking career alcohol did lessen my anxiety, I imagine that was one of the reasons I drank so much. But like most others, eventually it quit working. And then it started making everything worse - i literally had to drink just to keep my heart rate below 100bpm towards the end.
The good news of course is that there is a solution. It won't be comfortable at first and you should consult with a doctor or therapist before quitting. It's likely that you'll need to treat the anxiety for a while after you quit too - that might involve meds or therapy or both, or other techniques. But yes - you can absolutely overcome this.
The good news of course is that there is a solution. It won't be comfortable at first and you should consult with a doctor or therapist before quitting. It's likely that you'll need to treat the anxiety for a while after you quit too - that might involve meds or therapy or both, or other techniques. But yes - you can absolutely overcome this.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
Welcome to the family. 
I'd have to disagree about people not liking, or feeling comfortable around quiet people. I can be both quiet and outgoing. I find quiet people to be interesting in their own way and would never dismiss them as being uninteresting. Maybe you're hanging out with a rowdy crowd. Try spending time in more quiet places,like the library or a coffee shop or a book store. You'll meet other quiet people there.
Drinking may seem to reduce anxiety but will end up making it worse.
Therapy might be a good idea to reduce your social anxiety.
I'd have to disagree about people not liking, or feeling comfortable around quiet people. I can be both quiet and outgoing. I find quiet people to be interesting in their own way and would never dismiss them as being uninteresting. Maybe you're hanging out with a rowdy crowd. Try spending time in more quiet places,like the library or a coffee shop or a book store. You'll meet other quiet people there. Drinking may seem to reduce anxiety but will end up making it worse.
Therapy might be a good idea to reduce your social anxiety.
F*** the Zero
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: London
Posts: 410
For most suffers of anxiety, drink acts as a medicine due to its effect on brain chemistry. There are millions of suffers of anxiety and a large percentage of alcoholics drink to relieve anxiety, so you are not alone in how you deal with your anxiety. I self medicated for 15 years in the same way.
I couldn't handle a conversation without a drink due to physical symptoms and feeling like a panic attack was incoming. Most of the reasons why the anxiety comes is due to low self esteem and thinking for people (assuming negativity), like where you said people don't like quiet people. what you are really saying is you don't like that you are quiet, accepting yourself is the hardest thing to do but important in dealing with anxiety.
I literally tried to quit everyday for maybe 3 years. i never thought id break the cycle of drinking to be able to do things. i was agoraphobic, quit my job, lost my girlfriend and ended up just drinking all day making things 100x worse till i ended up in hospital and couldn't take anymore. I haven't drank since.
Prior to that while drinking i tried CBT, medication, everything to try and sort it without stopping drinking but none of those can be as effective as they can while you drink
I couldn't handle a conversation without a drink due to physical symptoms and feeling like a panic attack was incoming. Most of the reasons why the anxiety comes is due to low self esteem and thinking for people (assuming negativity), like where you said people don't like quiet people. what you are really saying is you don't like that you are quiet, accepting yourself is the hardest thing to do but important in dealing with anxiety.
I literally tried to quit everyday for maybe 3 years. i never thought id break the cycle of drinking to be able to do things. i was agoraphobic, quit my job, lost my girlfriend and ended up just drinking all day making things 100x worse till i ended up in hospital and couldn't take anymore. I haven't drank since.
Prior to that while drinking i tried CBT, medication, everything to try and sort it without stopping drinking but none of those can be as effective as they can while you drink
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
Alcohol was my "miracle cure" for my social anxiety and general anxiety issues for years, until it wasn't, and full blown alcoholism set in.
Then it made my symptoms a million times worse and alcohol did nothing but amplify everything to being basically homebound.
It takes work with therapy, possibly medications, and other outlets to work through your issues. Sure we all want that quick fix, but playing with alcohol is the worst decision to make.
Then it made my symptoms a million times worse and alcohol did nothing but amplify everything to being basically homebound.
It takes work with therapy, possibly medications, and other outlets to work through your issues. Sure we all want that quick fix, but playing with alcohol is the worst decision to make.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
Originally Posted by Forward12
Alcohol was my "miracle cure" for my social anxiety and general anxiety issues for years, until it wasn't, and full blown alcoholism set in.
Then it made my symptoms a million times worse and alcohol did nothing but amplify everything to being basically homebound.
It takes work with therapy, possibly medications, and other outlets to work through your issues. Sure we all want that quick fix, but playing with alcohol is the worst decision to make.
Then it made my symptoms a million times worse and alcohol did nothing but amplify everything to being basically homebound.
It takes work with therapy, possibly medications, and other outlets to work through your issues. Sure we all want that quick fix, but playing with alcohol is the worst decision to make.
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