treeguy24

I have this fear in the back of my mind of having a mental illness and or "losing it" and I've had it for as long as I can remember when I first quit drinking two years ago. Recently relapsed last December and am around 22 days sober today.

I literally was convincing myself that I had a mental illness, began to experience feelings of unreality, etc. (though now I know it was probably just my body working through the PAWS).

I guess what I'm saying is is this all the anxiety talking? Sometimes you can be doing something and then worry about losing it or going crazy and in reality I know it's just these intrusive thoughts that are causing me to feel this way. Whenever I feel like this I try to devote my attention to something that relaxes me and usually I start feeling fine again.

I guess it's almost a case of you think you're getting a cold so you start to create symptoms for yourself right?

Astro

So speaking strictly for myself, I do have a mental illness in the form of alcoholism that was the root of my fear, anxiety, depression, etc. It was confirmed during my stay at a mental hospital: "You sir are an alcoholic and need a program of recovery". It was the best diagnosis I could receive and kept me on the road to long term sobriety.

SoberCAH

Tree -

Your post really chronicles my mental experience during late stage alcoholism and early recovery.

I'm pretty sure that I experience a fairly high degree of psychosis as a result of the frontal assault that my nonstop drinking perpetrated on my central nervous system.

As I pondered the need for me to enter a treatment center (like there was any real issue as to whether my doing so was necessary at the time), I envisioned the prospect that the people at the treatment center would probably tell me that they could help me not drink, but that I was incurably crazy.

That prospect generated an incredible amount of anxiety, which, along with the addiction and the paranoia (of being discovered), made my life unbearable.

So I surrendered by walking into a treatment center and asking for help.

And it put me on a path of sobriety by giving me a program of recovery to work on a daily basis (AA ), and I haven't had a drink since.

Most of my mental health issues (especially the psychosis) simply disappeared.

For the mental health issues which remain, I have successfully taken meds for almost 2 decades and they work great.

I also ask God for help everyday.

This is what has worked for me.

I really hope that you stay sober and stick with us.

Keep us posted.

CelticZebra

I never understood why I used to feel that way until I finally stopped drinking, got some sober time and stopped medicating my worries with alcohol!
Now I use a combination of tools and techniques to help me through these times when I feel overwhelmed with anxiety that I will feel this way forever I take a different action and it too passes.
mind plays tricks

DarklingSong

Sorry you are suffering. Fear of 'going mad' is a subtype of health anxiety.....very common in early sobriety. I have had terrible anxiety since quitting this time but it has finally started to ease up. It took over 2 months to improve. Hope you get some peace of mind soon. I know it is awful.

Tommy0311

I hear ya. Intrusive thoughts and health anxiety have been some of the worst symptoms of my recovery (going on three months now). I used alcohol to cope with my anxiety for so many years that when i quit, my brain/body went haywire. Intrusive thoughts are weird animal to fight. I can tell you, that an overwhelming opinion in the mental health field is, if the thoughts frighten you (not excite you) you are on the right side of sanity. Also know that intrusive thoughts are normal, meaning everyone has them. People without anxiety just don't give the thought any attention, so i goes away. Those of us with anxiety dwell on it and it gets worse thus causing the feeling of going mad. Anyway, i'm not a health prof, so as always, if you feel like you are a danger to yourself or others, seek professional help. But note, this is common so breath.

zerothehero

I can echo much of the above, not only the anxiety in early sobriety, but fear of going mad that I can remember since childhood... and I've had my moments, substance-induced and not...

But more importantly is what I have considered my cure. Meditation on a regular basis, simply focusing on the present moment without judgement, has helped quell my fear - not just of going mad, but fear, in general. It takes time and it takes practice, but it's cleaner than benzos and better than booze.

Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche says we must experience fear in order to achieve fearlessness. I now consider my past fear as a stepping stone to a better place.