Briar

Hi everyone,

I'm dropping in here because this is probably the best place to discuss this. I have PTSD from a couple of different traumas. One involved fire, and every summer when it's fire season here in California, I have a lot of trouble coping with the fires that inevitably happen.

There was one today, and I became extremely upset. A particular scene played out over and over in my mind. It was vivid, intense, and beyond my control. It felt like it was happening all over again, and I panicked.

Now I have calmed down and am exhausted and ashamed for having reacted so strongly. I've had some treatment for PTSD (CBT, Seeking Safety, and an attempt at EMDR), but I found them to be extremely triggering, and the episodes left me exhausted and depressed for a long time.

Now that I don't drink to blot out traumatic memories anymore, I feel them very intensely. Sometimes the panic comes not just from remembering the trauma, but from the fear that the episode itself will keep escalating and become too overwhelming. Then...I don't know what.

It's hard to get through things like this sober, but I've managed to do it yet again. I'm tired, wrapped up in a blanket, and can't eat anything, but I'm sober. That's a start.

PhoenixJ

Respect and support to you. You story resonates with me. I need ongoing counselling and have to work very hard to face and deal with me flashbacks. I have found joining some of the threads @ SR has helped me a lot.

CelticZebra

I feel for you and all suffering from PTSD which can be so very debilitating in the ways you describe.
Some things that may help: weighted blanket or cuddly toy, support from others, being kind to yourself.
A lot of anxiety can be caused by fear of future, as described and the after-effects of the adrenaline pumping through the system creates the shamed feeling that we 'couldn't cope'.
You have done great. You have survived a difficult time and got through it.
You are amazing, you are doing it!
This too shall pass. I've found The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle to be invaluable in learning how to minimise massive anxiety attacks.
I don't know your story but I know you have been and are very courageous to keep on learning how to manage these triggering events.
Best of best to you

KellyMuseum

I hope you're feeling better Briar.

I've been dealing with PTSD for a long time - counselling has been helping.

Kelly

Briar

Thank you, these are very kind words of support. Some others in my life don't understand my reactions to reminders of traumatic events. It's nice to have people here who do. PTSD is very hard to live with, but it's not a mark of weakness, it's proof that we survived something horrible. We kept going, we are strong.

I will check out the book you recommend. I'm also arranging to have DBT therapy, which will teach me how to cope with overwhelming emotions without directly tying the therapy to the traumatic events. Facing the trauma head on has been too difficult for me, but I think learning to de-escalate the panic response will help.

Thank you for understanding, and I'm sorry for whatever happened that made you understand this.

Chilledice

PTSD is downright awful I sympathise with you!