Panchester07

Hello everyone, i'm new here. I have 4 months sober as of right now, but i relapsed in december when i had 2 years and a half sober. So im not completely new to the program. I saw my mistakes, and was really enjoying sobriety and life this time, really enjoyed going to meetings and helping newer new comers, it was a game changer for my life. I experienced a new Power.

This week i have been totally off in sobriety, and the people in my group have told me this. "you have the same look in your face you had, right before you relapsed last time" and nobody had to tell me, i felt disconected, off.

What am i doing different. I'm "putting my eggs in two different baskets" you see what i haven't told you is I'm a 26 year old male, who suffers from social anxiety and OCD, also, stemming from this i believe i have somewhat of a depression. My OCD is MAD and it triggers my social anxiety they go hand in hand . So two weeks ago i started this very self harming compulsion that i had to do, in order to feel safe. I was very depressed. So i told my mom, this can't continue any longer i need help. I've been medicated before and last year when i was sober i saw a psychologist and we talked about traumatic experiences in my life. I'm a bit mad at her because she charged me 100$ per session and treated me with talk therapy for real disorders of the mind that don't go away just like that. Anyway.

Long story short, putting all the eggs in SOBRIETY i was on fire, helping new comers, helping oldtimers, being of service, i would share every meeting, reaching out to people and i felt so comfortable. This week, I don't feel that way, and its all because I'm also focusing on my OCD work. I don't know what type of mental blockage I'm in , i've been suffering from OCD and SAD for 10 years and thats when i started drinking too . I really love AA and the way it makes me feel about life. but, ****, i have other issues too , and for some reason just thinking about it, (cause i haven't even started proper therapy) has me so disconected. I don't want to share anymore, i have less patience, my recentments come back. the spiritual malady comes back in full force. I don't know, why i feel AA is so personal. You either work this fully , or you feel like ****. I can never work at two things at the same time . Even though my OCD would kill me (albeit slower than alcoholism) it still will , and i don't have a job or go to school due to these conditions (depresion, social anxiety ocd) . I dont want to suffer from OCD , and SAD which are really uncomfortable. But what is God's will? Shall i not look into that rabbit whole that is mental health to keep working in my sobriety fully? I felt like if i kept going in the way i was, i was gonna get a sponcee super fast because i was feeling that good about helping others. Now, its not the same. I hope i explained myself . PLease help!

Astro

Hi Panchester, and welcome to SR. Please take the time to look around our forums, I'm sure you'll find useful information and most of all hope.

Lautca

Wholly cow! Slow down a bit and smell the roses along the path of life! I'm impressed with your desire and devotion to getting sober, but you don't have to accomplish everything at once to be successful. You may benefit from reading the book "Driven to Distraction" by Edward Hallowell and John Ratey, the book is a scholarly discussion that is also a fun read on understanding ADHD that may or may not be associated with your OCD. It is available as a book on tape for listening.

From the organization of your post I can fully understand your concerns, and a psychiatrist (a medical doctor who also specializes in psychology) may be a better choice in getting help with attaining sobriety. Brain chemistry problems, which I have myself, are quite real and are often the key to solving sobriety issues since many alcohol users are self-medicating. I self-medicated, and once my underlying problems were resolved, my desire to use alcohol diminished.

Let us know how things go. Good luck!

Panchester07

U are right! I do need to take a few deep breaths and slow down!! I had been medicated for like 2 years and recently I took a DNA test to see which are the best medications for me! Unfortunately i didn't see much progress when i was medicated as I was doing loads of coffee and smoking cigs, and the MEDS i was prescribed weren't the best match ones for me according to the DNA test. I will get prescribed probably on wednsday when i get my second appointment with my new shrink. I quit cigs on my rehab and quit coffee in my rehab too later i picked it up again and now im almost like 2 months free of coffee. it was pretty hard but my HP was right there with me helping me quit.

I'm so picky (ocd symptom) that I didn't like the med a doctor sent me and i switched doctors. Hence staying almost another month without medication and putting myself in a bigger risk. I'm not proud of this at all. But i read LOADS of review that the med they sent me causes cognitive impairment, and me being a control freak with social anxiety i thought my personality was gonna be taken away from me (irrational obsessive fear) . I told my doctor and he played the usual card "when you where drinking you didn't care about no side effects" .... which i felt was bs and a very egocentrical answer of an ******* or something.

So you're suggestion is medicate first? if i understood correctly ..... I will do this, starting on wedsnday , but i have read a lot on social anxiety and usually medication alone isn't enough u tend to need CBT or ACT or atleast group therapy if its depression. Anyway I'll follow your suggestion of take a deep breath not solve it all at once, stop and smell the roses. thank you for your answer i had lost hope in this thread!

Panchester07

Wholly molly sweet mother of Baby Jesus. U son of a gun. U sweet lordy baby.

Thank you SO MUCH. for that piece of advice you gave me. I found the book in audio form and I am listening to it. That is my life. Just basically do not give a flying **** about my professional career, education, or anything. I've been treated for ADHD since I was a child. Given ritalin, and like I said in another post, later I abused the **** out of them and binged on them for over a month. Those amphetamines can be yummy. Anyhow, certainly apathy and lack of motivation for anything professional serious in my life has been probably my main characteristic. All I cared about was football (soccer) and being the most popular person in the world. The funniest, the best story teller, the crazyest, the hottest, the one with most women. When I lived with my mom, it has helpless she could try everything, i just wouldn't study. All i cared was chatting up girls on MSN MESSENGER when that was a thing. I was already there friends, and they liked me, but It was this obsession that it was never enough. Anyhow, what i'm trying to get to is now I have social anxiety disorder and OCD. But if where to say like, have finished my bachellors degree (which OCD, SAD, and ADD all played a part in me not getting it), or if could keep a job, or if i had some what of a career, I know my self esteem would go up and I would take myself WAY less seriously.

Maybe im putting the cart before the horse or however that saying goes. Thank you for bringing this awareness in to my life since I was always in denial about ADHD, like I never wanted it to use it as an excuse. I thought, if I care about anything i can get it done. The problem is, I've never cared about anything. anything other than what other people think of me. Like I said, i know that if i treat my adhd, and i was able to keep a job, finish a bachellors degree, my self esteem would skyrocket. I'll probably be OCD my whole life, I just think working on ADD can then produce results where the other two will take care of them selves naturally.

Tomorrow (the day finally arrived) when i have my second appointment and i will get prescribed something. I wasn't even going to talk about ADHD to the doctor, but after hearing those audiobooks, i will definetly bring it up to her. That **** opened up my mind. My ego was so defensive, about its not there the problem, but maybe it is. But then again, i can't control what she prescribes me, i wish she would prescribe me something for ADHD that is not an amphetamine. But she can prescribe me whatever the **** she wants,. I always have these great ideas that Doctors have to do what i tell them. If i could concentrate baby, i would not have these other problems, i see it clearly now. i had my AHA moment, and now im super wired and its 1 AM and i'm so happy i can't sleep lolthanks